Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Asked him not to do it..

85 replies

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 13:47

But he carried on I said again don’t and he said i will
(slapping bum during sex) not hard but enough to make a noise!

do people actually enjoy this? I found it makes me feel horrible
i brought it up in morning but he doesn’t take me serious

OP posts:
Original poster
Changeduser · 29/09/2022 15:03

Like that one haha @SiobhanSharpe

OP posts:
CrystalCoco · 29/09/2022 15:15

Oh God, I went out with one these idiots in my early 20s, smart arse answer for everything.

I doubt this is the only example of him steamrollering you to get whatever he wants regardless of what you want / say.

netflixandgrill · 29/09/2022 15:21

BrimFullOfAsher · 29/09/2022 15:00

Stop having sex with him 🤷‍♂️

This.

Novum · 29/09/2022 15:34

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 14:14

I said the next day how much I didn’t want him doing it but he said he will its his arse he ownes it etc.. laughing

Tell him he bloody doesn't. And tell him if he ever does it again he can wave goodbye to having sex with you. And mean it.

Novum · 29/09/2022 15:36

SiobhanSharpe · 29/09/2022 14:52

Well, if your arse belongs to him, then surely his balls are yours.
(I hear that some men like theirs being smacked. So....)

Even better than the no sex option. Tell him next time he tries this it's a knee in the balls that belong to you.

Natty13 · 29/09/2022 17:59

I am literally baffled that any woman needs to ask if a man saying "it's mine i will do what I want" with regards to her body is not ok or not! Honestly sitting here in total disbelief and both angry and sad for you.

Your body is YOURS and only yours. Nobody has the right to do anything to it thst you don't want them to. Full stop. End of. We should all be teaching our daughters this.

BruceAndNosh · 29/09/2022 18:05

Tell him to slap his OWN arse. Preferably with barbed wire

Original poster
Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:07

I will haha @BruceAndNosh

when I say things like
thats abusive or assault he laughs he will say “thats abu-siveeee” in a baby voice
or tell me to stop playing the victim

OP posts:
layladomino · 29/09/2022 19:07

Oh that's revolting and shocking. Think about what he is clearly telling you - if he enjoys something then it doesn't matter if you hate it and it upsets you - he's still going to do it. In fact more than that - he is getting off on doing something to you that he knows you don't like. Disgusting. Vile.

And his comment about owning your arse.... eugh. That's just vile.

Ideally you would leave this man and quickly - he is showing zero respect or care for you, and that isn't 'just' a sexual thing. He isn't treating you as his equal, someone he wants to make happy but instead he treats you as someone he does sex 'to' for his own kicks without a thought for yours.

As pp have said, you could explain to him that his balls are yours and you're going to hit them for kicks, regularly and without warning. See if he thinks that's OK.

Ginger1982 · 29/09/2022 19:27

Leave. Why would you put up with it?

Original poster
Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:30

@Ginger1982 i don’t want to uproot things for the dc

OP posts:
Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 29/09/2022 19:34

Get thyself on Love Honey.. At the male butt plugs.
After all his arse is yours...
Or Ltb.

candycaneframe · 29/09/2022 19:39

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:07

I will haha @BruceAndNosh

when I say things like
thats abusive or assault he laughs he will say “thats abu-siveeee” in a baby voice
or tell me to stop playing the victim

And you want to keep your children around this pig full time?

category12 · 29/09/2022 19:42

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:30

@Ginger1982 i don’t want to uproot things for the dc

But do you really want your kids growing up seeing the absolute disrespect he has for you and thinking that's normal in relationships? They're not in the bedroom with you, but I don't think a bloke who laughs off your opinions and lack of consent is going to be a good example in the rest of your life together either, is he? I bet his disrespect is evident in all aspects.

Original poster
Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:46

@category12 a little
but they do love him and would be sad if we separated
also we would probably struggle money wise

OP posts:
Colourmehappy26 · 29/09/2022 19:46

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:30

@Ginger1982 i don’t want to uproot things for the dc

Would you want your DC putting up with this in their future relationships?

I doubt this is the only area of your relationship where he doesn’t respect you and belittles you. Your kids will see this and assume it’s normal to be treated like that.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 29/09/2022 19:49

Being a single dm on benefits is better for you and your dc than you being swxually abused.
Ime.

Ginger1982 · 29/09/2022 20:11

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:30

@Ginger1982 i don’t want to uproot things for the dc

But you're basically telling your kids it's ok to be treated like this.

ghosthunter2022 · 29/09/2022 20:26

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 19:46

@category12 a little
but they do love him and would be sad if we separated
also we would probably struggle money wise

What did you want people to suggest on here then? Im not following.

FinallyHere · 29/09/2022 20:29

but he said he will its his arse he ownes it etc.. laughing

Of course he should not be behaving in this way. The only reliable way to tell he that it is not ok, is to break up with him.

When he promises not to do it again, you might give him one chance, or you decide you don't want to risk him never getting the message that this is not ok.

If you continue in this relationship, the chances are he will continue in this way. Famous MN saying, when someone tells you who they are, believe them and act accordingly.

or tell me to stop playing the victim

To wish the answer is OK, I'll stop: we are over.

sageandrosemary · 29/09/2022 20:30

Absolutely revolting. I'd probably be quite fearful of how far he'd go, seeing as he has no regard at all for your consent and then tries to minimise the fact he's assaulted you.

You're not boring or old-fashioned. His behaviour and attitude is terrible!

Marineboy67 · 29/09/2022 20:33

BrimFullOfAsher · 29/09/2022 15:00

Stop having sex with him 🤷‍♂️

Simply this really....if a woman told me not to do something for what ever reason I would totally respect that. I would feel awful doing something that somebody found displeasing and unpleasant. Surely the whole idea is to respect what each other wants or doesn't.
Your partner is disrespecting your boundaries and is selfish. Until such a time when he can respect what you've asked him not to do don't have sex with him. A refusal will often offend, shouldn't take to long for him get the message.

LuckyLil · 29/09/2022 20:39

Next to e he does it fart loudly and see how he likes that.

Cantthinkofanewnameatm · 29/09/2022 20:41

Changeduser · 29/09/2022 14:14

I said the next day how much I didn’t want him doing it but he said he will its his arse he ownes it etc.. laughing

Send him back to his cave. He does NOT own you or any part of your body. He is assaulting you. Get rid.

Original poster
Changeduser · 30/09/2022 18:01

@ghosthunter2022 i don’t know
just wondered if i was overreacting or if other peoples partners do the same
woul People really break up a family over this

OP posts: