I'm so incredibly sad. It didn't work out & I can't trust him

[Slavetotherhythm]

Texting with an old friend for a few months & he told me he'd always loved me, seemed kind and caring and supportive. BUT was flakey and avoidant. So it stayed at texting for weeks & weeks, and just built into an online thing, like a fantasy. Stupid. I suppose a decision had to be made, but he got really arsey with me and has now blocked me.

I feel like he drew me in, then dumped me when the crux came. I know he has trust issues but it was getting to the stage where I felt I had to prove myself all the time.

I have a big day at work tomorrow, too, and this has been shit. He won't talk to me on any other social media. I know I am strong and will get over it, etc. but it's so painful. I can't stop crying.

I need a hug! And words of advice.

Oh that's crap. Get some sleep, get up and do a good day at work.

Park this stuff way for now. It's taken up too much space in your head already. Posters will be here tomorrow after you've done your day. Sleep well.

"Weeping endureth for the night, but joy cometh in the morning."

Give yourself tonight to grieve, but also make up your mind that tomorrow is a new day and that you ARE strong and will survive some broken dreams.

Plus, based on what you've said I think you dodged a bullet.

Oh, and stop trying to contact him. That's just rubbing salt in the wound.

Sending a virtual hug!

Youve had a lucky escape, he sounds creepy and manipulative. Its normal to be upset and you’re right, you’re strong and you’ll get through it - whereas he’ll always be a sad individual who messes with people to feel superior x

Thank you so much. That's really kind. I feel so tearful. You're right... I've let it take up too much space in my head. I've got ASD and get obsessive. I will have gaps in my day to compose myself. Thank you.

Broken dreams is so right. I can't stop crying. Yes, I need to approach it differently. Having a slump. It has been up and down all day. I've archived him on everything so he can't lure me in. Yes, I think a bullet has been dodged. I feel sad for what I thought it could be.

I know. That's no good.

Thank you for the hug! Much needed right now. You're right, a bullet has been dodged. Traumatised and complicated. What I don't need right now. I will get over it in time but it hurts so badly right now. And I don't remember how to use fucking Teams. My friends all warned me and said I can do better, but that feels like no use to me right now. I'm so lonely and aching.

Tough day ahead. Focus on work helps. Barely slept. Cried so much. I know I'm strong but I feel so miserable right now. Stupidly messaged him to say how much I'm hurting. I need to hide him and go NC. Urgh. What a long day ahead.

Thinking of others who are going through break ups right now. The first few days are the most sore, I remember.

I had similar with a male friend... led me on and backed off. Total messer. He came crawling back but it was too late by then. He'd broken my trust.

Distance yourself and stop contacting him. Honestly, it's the only way - he won't change.

Hey, thanks so much. Yes, I’m feeling the anger a bit more today. How dare he lead me on like that? Knob. Horrible way to treat a friend. Yes, I feel like he led me on, waited until I let down my guard, then blocked me.

That’s not a nice way to treat a friend. I have other male friends where this happened & we stayed buddies.

I am still sad but I can turn it to anger. Just need to wean myself off him. Just got to a stage where I was imagining a future together. It’s like emotional seduction .

thank you. I bet a few of us have been in this situation.

My 'friend' blamed his messing on his issues. We all got issues hunni.

8 weeks after saying he could only ever see me as a friend, after shamelessly leading me on (dating a woman who reminded him of me, loads of compliments and ott texts)

He declared he'd been in love with me all along but had been confused.

Yeah right, basically he wanted me as part of his imaginary harem, or sensed I had moved on.

He treated one of his tinder flings appallingly and his ex-wife who i also know, had a very different account of their split.....

I do not want him as a friend anymore. No respect for him. He's a weak, spineless man.

Beware any future hoovering. He won't have seen the light. Stay strong. Move on.

And to give you hope. I'm in the early flush with a great guy. They are out there. X

"thank you. I bet a few of us have been in this situation"

I bet a lot more than just a few! I'm in that club more than once!

Ha! I include myself in that. When will I ever learn? Arghhhh...

That's so hard. He just leant on you. Drew you in, made you feel close to him then bailed after you had feelings and had visualised things working out :-(

Urghhh, yeah this 'friend' blames me on triggering his trust issues.

You poor thing. You've had similar vibes. I'm glad you are with someone nice now. Hope I meet someone like that in time. Think I'm better off alone, tbh. I am stuck in this thing where I only ever seem to go for unavailable men. We tried to talk tonight and he just hung up on me. I got blamed for all sorts of stuff. Oh he can just go to hell.

The pattern you describe is eerily familiar. They are all the same. Blame blame blame. Men with unresolved issues expecting a free therapist.

You're right. He clearly can't see the light and i need to move on. Will wean myself off. Thank you xxx

Yeh I've been in this club.

Hey thank you. He did exactly that. Dickhead. He's an old old friend as well. Urgh now I realise why I never returned his affections before. I was wiser when i was younger than I am now. He had the cheek to say just now that well we can only ever be friends. I said - yup, you're right. Then he got into a rant and hung up on me. Oh FFS. Stupid arse.

It's a fecking joyless, no-hope club. I hate how I land myself in it, despite years of therapy. Buggers. The best times are when i'm by myself. x

Sorry, I'm kind of talking to myself but I need to stay off my phone and it's better than I type in here instead. He's such a knob. I feel like writing to say actually, I don't even want to be friends any more. That would really smart!

yeah. I think I will do that. Wait for him to come crawling back, or treat him to days and days of silence. This will now be my NC thread. I will just stop texting him. If he writes to me asking to talk, i will just say "sorry, I don't even want to be friends with you". What a knob. He came knocking on MY door after all these years, not me on his. Urgh.

How could he go from calling me beautiful, his soul mate, his joy, his love, his special understanding, to this? Bickering, picking criticisms with everything, calling me judgey when I stick up for myself? He will be a nightmare to be in a relationship with. And he has the CHEEK to say that the way I conducted MYSELF in the past few weeks made HIM decide he didn't want a relationship with me after all. What a fucking cheek.

YOU ARE PUNCHING, DUDE.

Dick.

Or even better, your,I know him so that when he comes back, he has no answer ever.
THAT will get the message across i the most perfect way (and you dint have to deal with whatever ‘issue’ he has that time(

Yeah, I have to do a visualisation technique. Imagine how he will feel to look down at his phone to... NO REPLY. I will keep no reply going for a good few days - like he did with me. Flake him back. And then... ,you know what, although it's tempting to keep him hanging completely, I might just say - "sorry dude, but I was thinking about our friendship and it's not really working out for me."
Then it leaves no doubt. If I keep him hanging (like he does me) it gives him hope. He's a fantasist with his head in the clouds. Best bring him down to earth.

Hug !
the harder you go no contact
the faster you will heal
I’ve just split with an emotionally avoidant man that I was crazy about
and I’m very sad too

but we all deserve better
and time is a healer xx

Thank you so much! I’m sorry you have ripped the plaster, too. It’s so painful, but we need dignity.

Time is a healer. I will try to remember this. Xx

You don't owe him anything.

I went ice. By the time he'd decided he was in love..I didn't give a shiny shit.

As I said to him when he first let me down. I don't wait. He didn't believe me. He does now. 🙄
Another gem. Solemnly telling me he wasn't rejecting the idea of us in the future.. ie when he'd finished shagging around.
Fuck right off. I dodged a bullet but shake my head still at his cheek.

Do not give him anything. He will I'm sure crawl back.

You need to make sure you don't care. Stop texting.. zero contact.

His loss. You deserve better. I think these men mess around with our heads, in the mistaken belief we will wait...

Great advice @Thisisworsethananticpated