I'm so incredibly sad. It didn't work out & I can't trust him

[Slavetotherhythm]

Texting with an old friend for a few months & he told me he'd always loved me, seemed kind and caring and supportive. BUT was flakey and avoidant. So it stayed at texting for weeks & weeks, and just built into an online thing, like a fantasy. Stupid. I suppose a decision had to be made, but he got really arsey with me and has now blocked me.

I feel like he drew me in, then dumped me when the crux came. I know he has trust issues but it was getting to the stage where I felt I had to prove myself all the time.

I have a big day at work tomorrow, too, and this has been shit. He won't talk to me on any other social media. I know I am strong and will get over it, etc. but it's so painful. I can't stop crying.

I need a hug! And words of advice.

The thing is you have to put yourself first which is what he is doing. If he thought for a minute about how you feel then he wouldn't be so careless with your emotions.

That’s true. He had the cheek to say to me to treat each other’s emotions with respect & to take care with them. I guess it’s a sad demonstration of his not being capable of giving but want to be on the receiving end.

"I hope so, but I seem to have met so many potential Mr Rights. Was even married to one of those frogs. I am at the stage where I don't think it will ever happen. Maybe it's me - I attract this sort of man and my own attachments were rubbish. I can't do relationships very well."

No, THEY can't do relationships very well. You come at them with an open attitude and trust which is right. They come at them with dishonesty and a 'user' mentality.

And open attitude and a bit of trust is the way to find the right person. And you can have those and still also weigh words vs actions as well as examining your own actions and reactions honestly. It's about learning to trust yourself and your own feelings more than you trust his.

Hey thanks. You’re right, it’s about the trust thing & sticking to my boundaries. I do seem to meet “unavailable” men. Guess I just need to take it in my stride. The right person will come when the time is right.

In the meantime, he texted again to make sure I got the other one. He can’t quite believe I’m not jumping at his requests.

I think they are just lots and lots of single men that aren't capable of being in relationships (for whatever reason) and so if your dating you are very likely to come across them.

I've dated a man who had his little supportive harem of understanding women for sex and emotional support.
He even told me he didn't need to pay for therapy because he's got me to do it for free! (Yes he was also incredibly tight despite having a good job, a house and very little outgoings)

We've all been there, this is a horrible time to be a single woman trying to find decent men, don't blame yourself.

I agree with this.

It seems as an on-looker (I'm an 'old married lady') as if so many men of my sons' generation are either not interested at all in a monogamous long term relationship in the first place or just don't seem to understand the changes one must make in oneself to be a real partner and to sustain a relationship. There are probably more reasons 'why' this is than there are fish in the sea. But I think that young women of today need to realize that they may need to adjust their mindsets to the fact that 'happily ever after' may not happen and that they must pursue their own financial security AND motherhood on their own. To become 'sufficient unto themselves'. It's a damned shame, but there it is

I can understand some of the men of MY generation not wanting to get 'entangled' as most of them have already been married, raised their families, etc. But hand in hand with that are the many women of my generation who feel the same way. They've 'been there, done that', are financially secure, and aren't looking to be a caretaker in their own 'golden years'.