Soooo... should I change my name?

[MamaMaiasaur]

I got married a few weeks ago and I am in an absolute quandry as to whether to change my name.

For

1. my husband has a nicer name than me
2. it would mean a lot to him
3. I would have the same name as my children (but I don't really mind having a different name)

Against

1. It goes against all my feminist principles
2. I can't imagine having a different name
3. It is unusual in my profession to change your name

In the same situation (well, not sure about #2 in our case) I didn't change. But there's no need to make a decision right now if you're not sure; you can switch to your husband's name at any point.

Also in same sit and I would change my name. Also because I am confident in my feminist principles to know that my name is my choice and doesn't represent ownership of me.

But then I also have a rubbish name at mo so am more than happy to change to my kids surname!!!

For you though it sounds like you're not ready yet, so don't

I didn't change my name when I got married, for the reasons you've listed. Although in fairness, my husband's surname would sound stupid with my first name anyway!

You could wait and see, as suggested, or you could change your name outside work and continue using your maiden name professionally?

Isn't marriage against feminism too then? I was under the impression that relying on someone as per a marriage would go against the same values as the name thing?

Not being facetious - just asking... truly wondering.

I would change my name; it isn't indicative of ownership IMO but

God no, don't.

I like the fact in any case that my children have their own surname, combining both parents'.

Marriage as was, where you promised to obey etc. is against the values, but now I think it is a legal partnership, where you rely on each other.

I am getting married in 5 weeks. I won't be changing my name. For all your reasons, and also tihnking about it from first principles, I don't see why I should.

Last time I checked marriage involved both my marrying DH and his marrying me, so is a two-way street. If secretly and unbeknown to me I have married him but he hasn't married me (or vice versa) then I would indeed be a bit worried about it.

I have to add I am not mad about marriage in any case so am probably the wrong person to ask.

It's up to you. Don't do it if you feel it's against you principlas. For me, I never thought changing my name when I got married indicated anything other than I was married.

Just interested in the possibility of a couple with two parents surnames each having children; their children could potentially have four names in their suname. Could that get complicated?

Against

1. It goes against all my feminist principles
2. I can't imagine having a different name
3. It is unusual in my profession to change your name

to answer: 1. Feminism brought us the right to choose - if you want to change your name, go for it.

1. You'll get used to it, and it can be fun.

1. So? Be different, make a stand. Or, you could change your name personally, but keep your old one professionally... lots of people do this.

I asked my dh to change his name for me and of course he said no. Changed mine and after 6 years i'm still not used to it but for things like joint mortgage and accounts and stuff it's made it easier. Doesn't bother me now, but i used to think 'what have i done?'.

I think either choice would be fine. Just go with your gut feeling. We've got beyond the point where taking your DH's name makes you his chattel. But having said that, I never even considered changing my name. It would have felt too weird.

Our children actually have my surname -- because dh's is such an impossible-to-spell-and-pronounce ordeal. It just doesn't matter for any practical purpose, so suit yourself.

I didn't change my name when I married, even though my surname is incredibly common and dh's is quite rare, and don't really mind having a different name to my children. I do use my married name occasionally these days (10 year anniversary coming up ) mainly because the joint account got changed into Mr and Mrs when my father died as he had written his Will referring to me as "Mrs Wilbur DH's Surname" and it was easier to change the bank account than amend the Will or whatever we would have had to do. I quite like the gentle schitzophrenia of it - Mrs Wilbur is a bit more grown up and better dressed and gets her children to school on time, and Ms Wilbur wears sparkly trainers, eats too many chocolate raisins and lets her children drag themselves up by the hair.

you can have a different professional name. my sil kept her maiden name at work.

Surnames are intrinsically patriachal. If you don't take your husband's, you've got your father's. The only way is for both of you to change your name to something completely different, which would probably be a bit of a faff. Don't think it makes a lot of difference.

don't worry about feminist principles, if you want to change your name then do it, that's what feminism is all about.

i changed my name when i married but kept my maiden name for work, living some sort of double life type thing but i can sometimes get the signatures mixed up.

its worked out pretty well, although i hate DH's surname, so i was a bloody saint for taking it, but i wanted same name as children (didnt have any at the time.)

i also felt a bit sad giving up my daddy's name iykwim, he still calls me by my maiden name, partly by accident, partly on purpose methinks. i have worked it into my DS's name though, my dad's first name and surname are his middle names.

Obviously the system of surnames in the UK is inherently patriarchal, but there is to my mind an equally obvious difference between living with one name and voluntarily handing it over to some bloke for a re-brand.

But hey, my views on marriage, couples, families and All That Sort Of Thing are a bit jaded, in any case.

it's funny but from the minute i got married, i felt chuffed to have my hubbie's name. it really felt right to change. not that i'd tell anyone else to do it if it didn't feel right.

I simply cannot imagine changing my name.

I changed mine as dh's was easier to spell.

From reading your OP I get the feeling that you don't really want to change yours, so don't do it.

Mr Inferior's is exotic too . The poor old Inferiorettes have 15 letters of non-hyphenated surname to work through .

i was relieved to take dh's name too. at least people can spell it...

i got married last saturday and am delighted to change my name - i feel like a proper family now iyswim? Also his surname is better, mine used to be quite common.