Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Soooo... should I change my name?

86 replies

MamaMaiasaur · 25/01/2008 09:53

I got married a few weeks ago and I am in an absolute quandry as to whether to change my name.

For

  1. my husband has a nicer name than me
  2. it would mean a lot to him
  3. I would have the same name as my children (but I don't really mind having a different name)

Against

  1. It goes against all my feminist principles
  2. I can't imagine having a different name
  3. It is unusual in my profession to change your name
OP posts:
PrincessPeahead · 29/01/2008 15:17

oooh snap capp

you frothy thing, you

Cappuccino · 29/01/2008 15:17

yes PPH you are right

I always felt like I should have had the guts to do that as well

but then my mother had an even viler maiden name...

PrincessPeahead · 29/01/2008 15:20

I really wanted to, as I'm so close to that side of the family and I think of myself as that, actually, in a way. But it is a bit of a "loaded" name and I thought everyone would think I'd taken it just to be poncey (bit like being called Jones and then suddenly saying "actually I'm now Rothschild") (not that it was actually Rothschild but YKWIM)

Anyway so I'm now lumbered with one of the 10 most common names in the UK. DULLSVILLE

PrincessPeahead · 29/01/2008 15:21

actually I should just have married an Italian with a MARVELLOUS name like Maestroianni or Di Sebastiano or something lush

TheFallenMadonna · 29/01/2008 15:33

When I was born I was given my mother's surname (father not on the scene).

When my mum married, my (now) dad adopted me and my surname changed to his.

So when I thought about whether or not to change my name when I married, the fact that my name was in fact my dad's name was pretty clear, and I just couldn't get as worked up about changing it as I thought I would.

And dh's surname was nicer, so...

Kewcumber · 29/01/2008 22:42

my aunt married someone of the same surname. By far the best solution I think.

jasper · 29/01/2008 22:59

I would change to his name if it's nicer.

I took my exhusband's name because it is fab and exotic and there are only about three of us in the UK.

If I ever marry dp he knows I am keeping ex hs name.

cycleboy1957 · 30/01/2008 09:28

TheFallenMadonna wrote
"And dh's surname was nicer, so... "

Has it never struck people as odd that so many women have dull last names and so many men (according to their wives) have interesting names? I'm sure this statistical anomaly would give someone a well earned PhD if they could figure out how this happens.

sprogger · 30/01/2008 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cycleboy1957 · 30/01/2008 12:52

Apologies in advance for a long posting. This is just a few musings I've had recently on the subject of surnames and I'd be interested to hear people's comments.

Surnames have not been around for very long. I?ve heard it said that, in England, surnames were introduced by the Normans so that taxation would be simpler to administer if they could easily track inheritance through surnames. So, surnames in the UK are barely 1000 years old. Therefore, far too young for there to be any connection with genetics.

So, given that so many men seem to be inordinately attached to their surnames, no matter how unpleasant they might be, where does this come from? The source can surely only be social conditioning. By the same token, the apparent lack of attachment so many women have to their surnames can also only be through social conditioning.

It has been said that surnames allow you to identify which clan or tribe you belong to. But, given that we have both a mother and a father, why is the tribe only associated with the father when the mother has an equal genetic claim?

This is an idea which has only recently occurred to me and I mention it, not from a position of any great knowledge, but as conjecture. Until fairly recently, by which I mean only a century or so, when modern science began to inform our understanding, much of Europe?s medicine and biology was based on knowledge handed down by the ancient Greeks. According to them, babies were formed only from the man?s ?seed? and implanted in the woman, whose function was little more than an incubator. Women added nothing to the genetic mix.

If for centuries we believed that women did not contribute to the genetic mix of children, it?s not really unsurprising that the children were only considered to be in direct inheritance of the male line, as any woman would do as far as incubating and raising the child. True, examples such as Henry VIII discarding wives because they couldn?t supply him with a boy baby doesn?t really fit with this theory. So, I might be wrong. But, reason and prejudice never were comfortable travelling companions, so my conjecture could still be correct.

So, we have the situation where modern societies are so large surnames are more or less essential. However, the tendency of married couples to still generally adopt only the male surname is based on the now disproved notion that only the male can pass on any genetic legacy to a child. For generations we have fully understood the role both men and women play in the genetic make up of children, yet we continue to live as if women are of no genetic consequence. How often have we wondered whether Ms X is any relation to that Mr X we knew 10 years ago? Yet, how often might we meet someone who is related to someone we know, but have no inkling of it because they are related through the female line because that connection has been broken through the discarding of women?s surnames?

Surely, no self respecting woman cannot feel indifferent to the marginalisation of her lineage based on an ancient misogyny, especially one that was underpinned by a complete misunderstanding of our biology.

PortAndLemon · 30/01/2008 15:51

Re: "DH's surname was nicer" / "so many women have dull last names and so many men have interesting names" -- in our case mine is (IMO) more interesting and (as a matter of provable fact) more unusual, just DH's is (also IMO) nicer . And as I didn't take it anyway, just decided to give it to DS instead of my own surname, that's definitely not a coded way of saying that I get a romantic buzz out of being "his".

Now, if my parents had given me my mother's maiden surname instead of my father's, I would have kept it and then double-barrelled the DCs, because it's both unusual and nice.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page