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Original poster

Wedding cancelled due to mortgage hike

80 replies

Cocopogo · 27/09/2022 23:10

Recently booked wedding venue. Had a few discussions around finances recently and seemed to have settled and agreed on a plan. DP thinks either of our houses are too small (3 beds - no equity) and won’t entertain the idea of living all together in one (I have 2 DC - he has a mum who visits every couple of years from abroad and stays 6 months) so insists we buy a bigger house so he has a study to wfh and everyone has a room. However with mortgage rates shooting through roof it would be madness to buy at this point when we have fixed term mortgages and buy something bigger.
Which means the wedding will have to be cancelled. Gutted Sad

OP posts:
iseeyou1234 · 27/09/2022 23:15

Why will the wedding need to be cancelled though? I don’t understand

weekendninja · 27/09/2022 23:15

Tbh, I'd try the living together before getting married anyway. When you have DCs and move in it can provide challenges.

As for a wedding...when you get around to it perhaps you could scale it down?

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/09/2022 23:17

Do you want t be married or t

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/09/2022 23:18

Do you want to be married or to have a wedding? You can do the former for a couple of hundred quid.

I wouldn’t marry someone I hadn’t lived with.

Everydaywheniwakeup · 27/09/2022 23:19

If you are marrying the man, I'm sure he must have some redeeming qualities, but I'm hard pressed to find any in that little snippet of your life tbh.

Valkirie · 27/09/2022 23:21

Can you port your existing mortgages?

Original poster
Cocopogo · 27/09/2022 23:32

It’s not the cost of the wedding it’s the cost of moving because DP wants a study and a room for his mum..and my two DC to be fair..but I’d be happy us all squashed up in a 3 bed. He won’t so the wedding is off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cocopogo · 27/09/2022 23:32

I don’t think we can port existing mortgages without losing current terms but def worth looking in to.

OP posts:
Backtonormalnow · 27/09/2022 23:35

So how many bedrooms does he want? 5?

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 27/09/2022 23:37

So you don't spend overnights together now?

BaskingInTheSun · 27/09/2022 23:38

It seems to be all about what he wants. What do you want?

Longdistance · 27/09/2022 23:40

Seems like a convenient excuse to not get married.

TheUntiedShoelace · 27/09/2022 23:42

I'd be wary of selling my house and buying a much bigger one with someone who couldn't ring fence a small amount for a legal ceremony first, even if the big fancy wedding had to wait a year or two.

Backtonormalnow · 27/09/2022 23:43

Are you planning on having children together in the future?

nightbulb · 27/09/2022 23:50

Not sure I understand either. Are you saying that:

  • To move in together DP is insisting on bigger house (sounds like he has a point)
  • To buy bigger house you have to be married
  • Buying bigger house now doesn’t make sense financially as you’d have to come off two fixed rates mortgages onto potentially one much higher rate mortgage
  • Meaning you aren’t buying house now so therefore you aren’t getting married
  • OR is it that you are buying a house now but you can’t get married as cost of wedding will be eaten up in mortgage rate because of increase
TheUntiedShoelace · 27/09/2022 23:57

Sorry, I misread that completely. It's no wedding or no joint house buying (until... the economy stabilises?) then?

Discovereads · 28/09/2022 00:02

I am similarly confused, why do you have to cancel getting married?
Have you considered an extension on one of the 3 beds?

Doggydarling · 28/09/2022 00:03

I agree with your dp, if I had a quiet house with plenty space, a home office and spare room I wouldn't want to move to a similar sized house with three more people and no room for an extended visit by family. It'd lead to bad feelings and an unhappy atmosphere. You need to figure out if you are prepared to wait, if you want to put a time limit on moving or split up and stay where you are on your own.

LadyWithLapdog · 28/09/2022 00:04

Are you ok with MIL living with you for 6 months at a time?

HeddaGarbled · 28/09/2022 00:08

He sounds like a greedy prat. Maybe this will free you up to find a man who actually wants to be with you more than he wants a study?

scoobydoo1971 · 28/09/2022 00:22

If you want to get married, it doesn't cost a lot to make things legal at the registry office. You can have a wedding or relationship ceremony at a later date when the economy has recovered. As for housing, it would be risky to get married when you haven't blended households yet. You may reconsider the marriage if everyone doesn't get along 24/7. If you buy a house together unmarried, make sure it is tenants in common so you protect yourself in the future. However, you are right in that it is a risky and expensive time to borrow money for more bricks.

Pixiedust1234 · 28/09/2022 00:30

LadyWithLapdog · 28/09/2022 00:04

Are you ok with MIL living with you for 6 months at a time?

I couldn't live with my own mother for that long, never mind his 😅

Charlize43 · 28/09/2022 00:30

It seems crazy to buy a bigger house in the current economic climate.

anderosonnmj · 28/09/2022 00:47

I'd try 6 months living with the MIL before getting married. My own MIL is lovely, but she drives me crazy after 6 hours, let alone 6 months.

TheLongGallery · 28/09/2022 00:54

You need to live together before marrying especially where you have children and he wants his Mum to live with you for part of the year often. I really love my Mum in law but she has stayed twice in the last couple of years when recovering from operations for a month and it was long enough.

Plus what culture and before anyone kicks off it make does make a difference my culture is not white English and the way my family do things is definitely different from DH family. A lot depends on how flexible, difficult, go against your own moral or spiritual beliefs the culture clash is.