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Original poster

Wedding cancelled due to mortgage hike

80 replies

Cocopogo · 27/09/2022 23:10

Recently booked wedding venue. Had a few discussions around finances recently and seemed to have settled and agreed on a plan. DP thinks either of our houses are too small (3 beds - no equity) and won’t entertain the idea of living all together in one (I have 2 DC - he has a mum who visits every couple of years from abroad and stays 6 months) so insists we buy a bigger house so he has a study to wfh and everyone has a room. However with mortgage rates shooting through roof it would be madness to buy at this point when we have fixed term mortgages and buy something bigger.
Which means the wedding will have to be cancelled. Gutted Sad

OP posts:
MothsAndWaspsAreUsefulPollinators · 28/09/2022 01:24

the wedding is off

In time, I suspect strongly that you are going to see this whole saga as being a blessing in disguise.

Summerfun54321 · 28/09/2022 02:05

I still don’t understand the correlation between buying a larger house and cancelling a wedding? Just either stay where you are and have a big wedding and live apart or buy a bigger house and have a small registry office wedding.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2022 02:09

I still don’t understand the correlation between buying a larger house and cancelling a wedding?

If they are incompatible on housing, they shouldn't get married.

Nat6999 · 28/09/2022 02:40

Why can't you have a 3 bed & do a loft conversion or convert the garage instead of moving to a bigger house?

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/09/2022 03:36

He gets what he wants and you get to pay for it AND spend 6 months of the year living with his mother?

Thank fuck the wedding is cancelled, and I would be cancelling the moving in too....he is an arsehole. Oh and before you say to yourself "Oh but they dont know him...." no we dont but we know his type. Run away and save yourself and your kids while you can.

StoneColdMedusa · 28/09/2022 04:18

Does he compromise on other things? Or does he just tell you how’s it’s going to be because he’s the man?

What do you want?

It seems like an emotionally abusive relationship from what you’ve described, maybe I’m projecting? Who withdraws from getting married over a bedroom or two? Surely you would get married and make the situation work until you can upgrade, isn’t that what you do if you love someone?

living with MIL with no say? No way. Do you have any say in anything?

Clymene · 28/09/2022 05:46

His mum visits every couple of years and stays six months? And for this you need a keep a room permanently in waiting for her visits?

You have bigger problems than just the wedding postponement

passport123 · 28/09/2022 05:56

You want to commit to your MIL staying for 6m at a time? Do you know what her approach to parenting is? Will she interfere with how you parent your kids? Have they met her? do they like her? Get married and keep your separate houses.

LordEmsworth · 28/09/2022 06:10

I think OP means they can't get married and not live in the same house afterwards, if they get married then they have to move in together - can't afford to move in therefore means no marriage ...

Noteverybodylives · 28/09/2022 06:32

So much drama.

You can still get married but you might not be able to have as big of a wedding as you wanted.

Get married cheaply and then in a few years when you’re more financially secure have a big wedding anniversary party to make up for it.

Snoken · 28/09/2022 07:01

Since you can afford to keep both your houses, keep both and he can use his as an office and accommodation for his mum when she’s around. You can then still get married, although in your situation I don’t see why being married is important.

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 07:11

I think he's right TBH. The wedding's neither here nor there, but the relationship (married or not) will have a lot of stresses if you're living in a small house with 2 children he's not used to living with, he's WFH and his mother is staying regularly. Presumably your children would have to make room for her? How would they manage with that?

However, why would one bigger house have greater costs than 2 small ones? The mortgage costs are going to change whether you move or not.

I don't think cramming you into a too small house is likely to be a success, but he doesn't seem keen to find a way either.

TokyoTen · 28/09/2022 07:13

I think the mortgage rate hike is saving you! Live together first before marrying especially with DC!

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 28/09/2022 07:15

Doggydarling · 28/09/2022 00:03

I agree with your dp, if I had a quiet house with plenty space, a home office and spare room I wouldn't want to move to a similar sized house with three more people and no room for an extended visit by family. It'd lead to bad feelings and an unhappy atmosphere. You need to figure out if you are prepared to wait, if you want to put a time limit on moving or split up and stay where you are on your own.

But the partner doesn’t have it. He wants it, but can’t afford it, so won’t move in to a situation that lots of people cope fine with.

properdoughnut · 28/09/2022 07:16

Tbh with 2 DC involved I think I'd try living together first anyway. If you did still want to get married just head down to the register office. If he says no to that then you know he's making excuses and it's not what he wants.

Stripedbag101 · 28/09/2022 07:50

His mum lives with him for six months every few years? Have you met her? Can you live with her? Can your children?

i o understand working from home and wanting a separate study - but lots of people work from the kitchen table. A guest bedroom is a luxury - but will your children have to share a room for six months when his mum visits? Does she have to stay so long?

can you afford a five bedroom house?

are You sure you are compatible as a couple and as a family?

HeddaGarbled · 28/09/2022 07:59

Since you can afford to keep both your houses, keep both and he can use his as an office and accommodation for his mum when she’s around

That’s a good idea. Or, he can sell up and buy/rent a 2 bed flat to perform the same function if that seems like a waste of a house.

toomuchlaundry · 28/09/2022 08:03

I can’t imagine living in a 3 bed house with 2 DC, WFH and a grandparent living with you 6 months at a time

Ragwort · 28/09/2022 08:04

Why are you in such a rush to live together? How old are your DC? Do you really want to live in a small house with a MIL who visits for six months at a time? Shock. I think your DP sounds very sensible. And does he have DC?

Fullsomefrenchie · 28/09/2022 08:06

toomuchlaundry · 28/09/2022 08:03

I can’t imagine living in a 3 bed house with 2 DC, WFH and a grandparent living with you 6 months at a time

Wow what a charmed life you live. Kids get a bedroom each, you can work in any room unoccupied during the day, kids can share when granny comes. And you can’t Imagine it. How very privileged.

America12 · 28/09/2022 08:16

iseeyou1234 · 27/09/2022 23:15

Why will the wedding need to be cancelled though? I don’t understand

Because they can't afford to buy a house to live in together afterwards

DisforDarkChocolate · 28/09/2022 08:22

I wouldn't plan to live with or marry anyone who wanted his mum to live with us for 6 months every couple of years.

I wonder what his long term plan for his mum is? I think its you looking after her when she moves in full-time by the way.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/09/2022 08:24

Kids in one room, adults in the other, third bedroom is his home office and has a sofa bed for granny.

But I suspect he has been waiting for a "reason"

toomuchlaundry · 28/09/2022 08:24

@Fullsomefrenchie but she is making a choice to do that, I wouldn’t make that choice.

toomuchlaundry · 28/09/2022 08:25

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz and where does granny go when he is WFH?