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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Gross Behaviour around eating

81 replies

Disco2022 · 27/09/2022 06:17

I've just come out of a week of having Covid/my period and generally feeling rough so I am more than willing to be told to pipe down.

So my boyfriend just moved in, I always knew he made noise when he ate/drank but since it is at every meal and in my space it feels like such a big deal, in fact he just seems to make noise and take up space in everything that he does.

I'm no silent little fairy floating round the house and I've had my fair share of hacking/sneezing in the last week but just want to know should I have a conversation about the following:

(Should add in the caveat that I love him and don't want to leave him over what I can only assume are gross habits developed over years of being alone)

  • Tea slurping
  • cold drinking slurping
  • eats so fast it's like he's a Dickensian street child
  • wipes his mouth on the back of his hands.
-CLATTERS his cutlery all over his plate (I heard him eating his weetabix when I was in the shower yesterday)
  • blowing nose at the table

Anyway since I've started writing this I could go on. It's making me really sad. I can't just ignore this forever, I don't want to have to remind him not to eat like a monster because that's unsexy.

What is the answer?

OP posts:
parrotonthesofa · 27/09/2022 06:20

Tricky. I suspect even if you bring it up, these are habits that will be very hard to break. You probably have to decide whether you can cope with it or not.

YellowRedBlueGreen · 27/09/2022 06:22

Never in a million years could I cope with this, but I'm extremely noise sensitive. Question is are you I suppose?

Original poster
Disco2022 · 27/09/2022 06:23

I didn't think I was!!
It's so frustrating. I love everything about him apart from the noises!
I keep imagining myself with earplugs in at 90 secretly hating him.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 27/09/2022 06:25

Do you really love him with his gross eating habits and lack of manners or have you just got used to him being around?

Decide what's most important... you could just say that living together isn't working our and continue to 'date' if you really wanted to ... so long as it didn't involve eating meals together.

Fraaahnces · 27/09/2022 06:27

I have been married for 20 years to a man who noisily sucks each finger and makes “mmmmmph” noises after mixing every single thing on his plate into giant forkfuls of food and eating like a Labrador. I tend to snack standing up while I cook now.

Ladybug14 · 27/09/2022 06:31

Fraaahnces · 27/09/2022 06:27

I have been married for 20 years to a man who noisily sucks each finger and makes “mmmmmph” noises after mixing every single thing on his plate into giant forkfuls of food and eating like a Labrador. I tend to snack standing up while I cook now.

20 years? Good lord! I want to say congratulations Flowers

Perfect28 · 27/09/2022 06:35

Did you never share a meal together before moving in?

ILoveMyBlanket · 27/09/2022 06:35

Oh Christ no, that would drive me fucking insane
You'll be stabbing him with a clattering fork after about 6 months

KangarooKenny · 27/09/2022 06:48

Wait until your kids pick up his habits and you’ve got them all doing it. You’ll wished you left him now.

EfficientDynamics · 27/09/2022 06:59

Is his name Homer?

Original poster
Disco2022 · 27/09/2022 07:00

Yeah shared meals before he moved in, and have "lightly" told him before that he eats like a monster. It just didn't drive me to want to murder him before it was all the time.

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 27/09/2022 07:02

I would finish the relationship. I have misophonia and this would be impossible for me.

zonky · 27/09/2022 07:05

Where do you see the relationship going? Marriage and children? It depends but I think you'd need to have a word and see how he reacts. There's already a power imbalance in the fact he's moved into your property? And it may look like you're calling all the shots (and being controlling about his personal habits).

Original poster
Disco2022 · 27/09/2022 07:21

Definitely other than this situation marriage and children.
The thing is I know that everyone makes some noises and that everyone has a different level of what they can cope with. I think he would react ok if I spoke to him about it, but like you say I don't know if it's controlling or mean.

OP posts:
FlimFlam2 · 27/09/2022 07:34

You'll get used to it, OP. There must be things that you do and think nothing of that drive him absolutely crazy - learning to cope with/eradicate/compromise on habits and annoyances is part of the fun of living together. The dance of love.

FlimFlam2 · 27/09/2022 07:37

Eta: By which I mean, if you REALLY can't deal with it, ask him to stop. But be prepared to make an absolutely ludicrous sacrifice of your own somewhere down the line.

Ahbisto · 27/09/2022 07:42

I certainly couldn’t get used to it, I personally find that sort of thing disgusting and couldn’t be with someone with such poor table manners. It would give me the unrecoverable Ick very quickly.

AlternativelyWired · 27/09/2022 07:45

I'd be installing a new patio by the weekend.

chubo · 27/09/2022 07:47

I experienced this when I first moved in with my husband. We now don't eat unless the tv/music is on in the background. It helps a lot :)

ILoveMyBlanket · 27/09/2022 07:57

chubo · 27/09/2022 07:47

I experienced this when I first moved in with my husband. We now don't eat unless the tv/music is on in the background. It helps a lot :)

I've got a vision of the OP wearing a massive pair of ear defenders whilst sitting at the table having a Sunday Roast with the rest of his family

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2022 08:03

So essentially he has no table manners and presumably his family don't either? I think it's a tiresome irk that will grow.

WhenDovesFly · 27/09/2022 08:14

I was seeing a guy who had not the best eating habits. Unfortunately I'm the type of person who shows their feelings on their face. We were sharing a meal and he did his usual of talking with his mouth full. He suddenly asked me if I had a headache. I quickly said no, I was fine, and asked why he'd said that. He replied that I had a look of pain on my face. I really didn't realise that I was letting my dislike show. He also had a noisy chewing gum habit so I knew it wasn't going to work between us.

picklemewalnuts · 27/09/2022 08:20

It won't work. It gets worse with age, not better. Believe it or not, he's likely to be dialling it back a touch at the moment. My DH is getting less inhibited with every passing year, and I thought he was not self conscious when we started.

Honestly, he's not going to change. Your DC will either copy him or be as irritated with him as you are!

picklemewalnuts · 27/09/2022 08:21

It's a lack of consideration and awareness for the people around him. It doesn't bode well.

1994girl · 27/09/2022 08:23

Tea slurping...nothing that grates me more. NO FUCKING NEED!!