I think my partner cheated. WWYD?

[Worriedpartner1234]

Whilst I was away for work at the start of the month, my partner went out for a night with a few friends.

She told me she got a taxi home with her friend at around 03:00am but I have since seen a message she sent to that friend the next day saying “sorry I lost you and hope you had a good night”.

Obviously I was suspicious so I checked her Facebook. She used to get messages from a guy she was seeing before us and has never deleted the chat but didn’t reply. This chat is now deleted and their conversation is blank. She had feelings for this guy and used to regularly meet after a night out before we were together.

What should I do?

Talk to her.

Oh FFS thats how loads of women on here find out their OH is cheating.

I’d be suspicious to be honest. You dont send a message like that to a person you got a cab home with.

and there is no reason to lie about something like that unless you are hiding something

I really don't understand the 'don't snoop' comments. If you suspect your partner is cheating and they are not honest enough to admit it, how else are you supposed to find out??? Are people supposed to end relationships on a 'hunch' even though it may not be true or continue in relationships because said partner denied the cheating even though it is true?? I'm all for trust, but if certain behaviours have led you to question fidelity then I think you are absolutely entitled to snoop wherever you think you may find the answer.

Yep. I'm totally fed up of the double standards too. Although, I've promised myself that I'll never snoop again. My EXH always got caught out this way. If I have such suspicions I'll know my relationship is pretty much doomed anyway

I couldn’t agree more with your response. I had a gut feeling looked at the phone for the first time in my life and was right. I will never regret looking at his phone

the problem with what OP found is that it’s not concrete and has raised a whole lot of what if questions and speculation

thing is….there will be a couple of outcomes OP- it ends up being nothing and she goes mental you’ve looked at her phone or it is something. For your own sanity I think it’s worth asking and then whatever the consequences is what will be and go from there

The replies on this thread are an actual joke when someone writes something like this about a husband its completely different. Op you already know she lied about one thing. Chances are your gut is correct about it all. Sorry. I hope she is honest with you.

Can you elaborate on what you mean?

Thanks everyone. I believe she has cheated and I’m preparing myself for the conversation and the break up of something I hoped would last forever. I will come clean that I viewed her phone and ask about the below

• Didn’t contact me all night
• Lied about getting a taxi home and gave over detailed story
• Didn't contact me until the evening next day
• Deleted messages with previous FWB

I wish you luck OP

@Worriedpartner1234 I’m sorry you’ve been met with such ridiculous comments about snooping!

Her behaviours have changed enough for you to be suspicious and she’s clearly lied about who she was with. I completely agree that when you live with someone you’d expect contact earlier in the day!

Good luck with facing her…

Good luck OP. As a woman, if I lose someone on a night out...I'd text them the next day and apologise for losing them and hope theyd had a good night. However, if I lost my friend...then found them again and stayed at their house - the 'sorry I lost you' would've been done when I found her, not the next day? She definitely didn't go back to her house IMO. Let us know how your chat goes and I really do hope there's a plausible explanation x

Also, if it was a woman posting this then they'd get so much more support. A man not going home and not texting their partner until 5;30 the next evening....AND deleted messages to their previous hook up...it would be full of "cheater!" And "LTB!"

Exactly what I said....and we'd all be convincing her snooping was a good idea

You clearly don't trust her.
Move on.

She can still play it off because you don’t have any proof.

Good luck keep us updated.

So on looking at the phone, you saw that the messages in the thread were deleted. It's a tricky one as lack of evidence can be of interest, but it's a more tenuous link and not as reliable. The lying about the trip home, can't be denied, there's obviously something behind it, but it could be lots of things.
It's telling how you describe him as her 'precious' FWB. You definitely resent that she had one before you, however most people have had relationships prior, which are deeper in meaning than a FWB, so why be jealous of that in the past? Well, I would say its because he's been brought up in the present by your partner, which was not a wise move on her part and is stirring and playing games with you. You shouldn't really know that he sends her messages and she doesn't reply, if she's told you that, then she is creating your headfuck over this. Any decent person who has moved on would block a past fwb who kept sending messages if they had no interest, or at least send one back saying that they are currently happily sorted so please don't contact. To just show or tell you about messages is odd behaviour, and looks designed to keep you on the back-foot and second guessing.
I think you may find that your partner is less straight-forward than you had realised, and is actually a complex person with a few mixed up feelings. You'd possibly be better off in the long run with someone who has less issues, as you seem to know what you want in your future. She doesn't appear ready to settle down and has self-distructed the relationship you have.
I

The best way forward is not to initially tell her what you know but to ask her again how she got home, who with etc. See what she says. Then come with your evidence.

Sorry OP, I feel like I owe you an apology, I didn’t realise she hadn’t text you the next day & the overdetailed story. You are right to suspect something, if nothing else, you don’t trust her.

The only time I checked an ex’s phone, I found out he has cheated on Me. Not saying that’s 100% certain here, but intuition guides us sometimes.

@Opentooffers on a keyboard 'c' and 'v' are adjacent. Maybe 'previous FWB' makes more sense than 'precious'?

You’re correct. I was a bit upset typing and meant to put previous.

She has stayed later at work today and on way back so going to ask her when she is home. I’m not going to try to catch her out and just state what I know.

it isn’t black and white so I may never know but my gut tells me it isn’t right.

Good luck, I don’t think this all necessarily points to her 100% cheating, but you know her, we don’t. Hope she’s honest anyway with you

Listen to your gut. Cheaters are also liars so it's very unlikely she will tell the truth.

She clearly cheated on you. I’m not one for snooping but I know mumsnet loves the drama and the updates. If your not married and can cope financially I’d LTB. Up to you if you want to stay with a woman that can’t be trusted.