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Original poster

I let my wife kiss my best friend and still can't get over it

137 replies

mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:00

It's a long story and something that's stayed with me for over 10 years. I want opinions on if this can be cheating...

In 2010, I went to a nightclub with my wife and best friend. We were all tipsy as we arrived but not blind drunk; we all knew what we were doing and could chat and dance perfectly fine.

About an hour in, my wife and friend went to buy drinks at the bar. It was busy so I wasn't surprised it took them a while to return but did wonder if they'd got chatting and didn't return as quick as they could. Anyway, I noticed how much wife was flirtatiously dancing around my friend and knew she still fancied him (when we first met, she said he was a good looking guy), but I trusted my wife and seen her like that with both sexes over the years prior so it didn't really bother me. We then go outside for a break and my wife looks at my friend and says "Go on then, ask." He was sheepish but said "Can we kiss?" I was a bit shocked but, being drunk, I was indifferent to it and hadn't really given thought about the consequences. I said casually something like "Go on then."

I watch my wife and friend kiss on the lips for less than a second. I was expecting more seeing as they made a big deal over it and reactively said "Is that it? Come on use tongues!"

So I then watch 5 to 10 seconds of kissing with tongues, my wife turning her head as they kiss, fully committed. I initially get turned on but then reality kicks in so I said "OK. OK. OK. Enough now. STOP." A second or two later and they do. My friend looks at her and goes "Ooh" as if to say he really enjoyed that. My wife blurts out "My f*nny twitched. And I could feel your erection on my thigh as we kissed." These words from my wife actually hurt me. And I showed my annoyance.

I walked away and she followed sheepishly and tried to reason with me and apologise (I think). It took me a good hour or so to come to terms with it but let the night continue til 6am where we'd danced a lot and were in good spirits. My mate had disappeared for a couple of hours after what happened as he obviously felt guilty and in harms way.

Despite my clear annoyance or uncomfortable stance earlier in the night, my wife obviously wanted my friend to be with us and said "You're coming home with us." I should have said a firm no, straight away but I didn't. I needed to think it through while walking to the train. The reason I hesitated was maybe I should let it play out to test my wife's committed to our marriage (she never showed any signs of straying before). When I saw my wife rest her head on my friends shoulders on the underground station while waiting for a train, I knew my feelings and sobered up completely so I said "P, sorry but you can't come home with us." He was totally fine, acknowledged it with a gesture and didn't say anything.

After all these years, I have moments where this tears me up. I've had reassurances from my wife in the past but I have suspicions something more might have happened in the blur of that night.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RosalindsAFuckingNightmare · 26/09/2022 13:18

Cool story bro.

Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:18

JOFFCV · 26/09/2022 13:14

Send this to Take A Break with a photo of your wife and friend laughing together with you looking sad in the background. I reckon you could get £500 at least.

I can see the headline now...

"Betrayed by fanny twitching wife and my best friend!"

Whadda · 26/09/2022 13:18

My fnny twitched. And I could feel your erection on my thigh as we kissed*

Come on, OP.

Surely you can write women better than that? How about-

“My shaven fanny twitched and I could feel your erection on the thigh of my toned, size 10 body”?

Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:18

Argh, random double post

gretr · 26/09/2022 13:18

Maybe he meant funny twitch? Like an involuntary tick. Makes more sense than his wife saying fanny 😂

JOFFCV · 26/09/2022 13:19

Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:18

I can see the headline now...

"Betrayed by fanny twitching wife and my best friend!"

Show quote history

Good title.

Original poster
mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:19

catandcoffee · 26/09/2022 13:13

Are you still friends with the friend ?

Yes. It was a few weeks before I met him again for drinks and we didn't talk about it. But I did raise it once a time or two later and he said "we were just having fun." I said I understood and was OK about it.

Since then, we all act as if nothing happened.

OP posts:
gwenneh · 26/09/2022 13:19

Whadda · 26/09/2022 13:18

My fnny twitched. And I could feel your erection on my thigh as we kissed*

Come on, OP.

Surely you can write women better than that? How about-

“My shaven fanny twitched and I could feel your erection on the thigh of my toned, size 10 body”?

Inadequate, it doesn't include a description of what the wife's perky yet surprisingly full breasts were doing at the time.

Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:20

Whadda · 26/09/2022 13:18

My fnny twitched. And I could feel your erection on my thigh as we kissed*

Come on, OP.

Surely you can write women better than that? How about-

“My shaven fanny twitched and I could feel your erection on the thigh of my toned, size 10 body”?

All that's missing is a reference to breasts...

“My shaven fanny twitched and I could feel your erection on the thigh of my toned, size 10 body, while I felt my breasts strain againt the fabric of my 32FF bra.”

ParentallyUnprepared · 26/09/2022 13:21

We all know the correct term is "fanny flutters".

AriettyHomily · 26/09/2022 13:22

I hope you're not aiming for a career in erotic fiction!

ICanHideButICantRun · 26/09/2022 13:22

Have you heard of Literotica?

Original poster
mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:22

Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:13

Yeah, this happened.

Women announce that their "fanny has twitched" all the time, don't they?

Believe what you wanna but I say the truth. My wife ain't your typical women. She would say she's a Tom boy. One of the lads. She can be coarse in her language. I wish she had never uttered those words.

OP posts:
Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:24

mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:22

Believe what you wanna but I say the truth. My wife ain't your typical women. She would say she's a Tom boy. One of the lads. She can be coarse in her language. I wish she had never uttered those words.

Show quote history

It's not the coarseness we find ludicrous. 😂

I swear like a trooper, but women do not talk like that.

girljulian · 26/09/2022 13:24

Ok, assuming this isn't a wind-up, you said:

"I was drunk so I suppose I thought it'd be fun. Sober and of course I'd have said no."

So...why can't that have also been true of your wife? Also, she wasn't "straying", was she, because you were there. So what if she fancied your mate and thought a threesome might be fun and then you led her to believe you agreed? She went with it for as long as you were going along, you encouraged them! And then when you said no, actually, she accepted that. End of story. People fancy people they're not married to, if they're having an affair they don't normally try and involve their partners from the start.

Original poster
mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:24

gwenneh · 26/09/2022 13:19

Inadequate, it doesn't include a description of what the wife's perky yet surprisingly full breasts were doing at the time.

Show quote history

Make fun all you want. It happened.

Maybe you all treat it as fiction as it's unique.

OP posts:
MessyBunPersonified · 26/09/2022 13:25

mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:22

Believe what you wanna but I say the truth. My wife ain't your typical women. She would say she's a Tom boy. One of the lads. She can be coarse in her language. I wish she had never uttered those words.

Show quote history

"One of the lads"

Do you go about kissing your mates and pressing erections on each others thighs 🤣🤣

gwenneh · 26/09/2022 13:25

Maybe you all treat it as fiction as it's unique.

Unique? No. Badly written? Yes.

Original poster
mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:27

girljulian · 26/09/2022 13:24

Ok, assuming this isn't a wind-up, you said:

"I was drunk so I suppose I thought it'd be fun. Sober and of course I'd have said no."

So...why can't that have also been true of your wife? Also, she wasn't "straying", was she, because you were there. So what if she fancied your mate and thought a threesome might be fun and then you led her to believe you agreed? She went with it for as long as you were going along, you encouraged them! And then when you said no, actually, she accepted that. End of story. People fancy people they're not married to, if they're having an affair they don't normally try and involve their partners from the start.

This is the best answer so far. Thanks.

I think you're right. I encouraged it and my wife was always with me and thought she had my support. I'm no idiot. We all fancy other people.

But I posted this in an attempt to understand why does it still hit me after all these years? I'm trying to understand my psyche.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:28

gwenneh · 26/09/2022 13:25

Maybe you all treat it as fiction as it's unique.

Unique? No. Badly written? Yes.

Well if it wasn't from the heart and quickly typed out on my phone and it was a story then yes, I'd have given it more care. Blimey!

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 26/09/2022 13:28

It's a drunken night 12 years ago, so unless you have reason to believe that things have carried on since that night, you are well overdue letting this go.
They were wrong to ask in the first place, but you were wrong to egg them on so a quick peck became more. You could go round the houses with which blame is biggest, but that is pointless.
If in the last 12 years she has given you no suspicions, then you are the one with the problem. So decide, does the 12 years since mean nothing? Your being stupid if it doesn't.
Are you still friends with him? I'd guess by now he's probably had many significant relationships and that night means very little to him, as it probably does to her. There's only you making a big deal of this - unless they have been fawning over each other for the last dozen years, which I doubt somehow.

Original poster
mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:30

Octomore · 26/09/2022 13:24

It's not the coarseness we find ludicrous. 😂

I swear like a trooper, but women do not talk like that.

Show quote history

Well my wife does talk like that! It's actually good to know you don't think a woman could have said that as it backs up what I've said to her many times, ie that she's not your average woman! Thanks

OP posts:
MessyBunPersonified · 26/09/2022 13:30

mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:28

Well if it wasn't from the heart and quickly typed out on my phone and it was a story then yes, I'd have given it more care. Blimey!

Show quote history

There was a lot of unnecessary detail in there for being "from the heart and quickly"

Original poster
mrsheltere · 26/09/2022 13:31

ParentallyUnprepared · 26/09/2022 13:21

We all know the correct term is "fanny flutters".

Tell my (English) wife that

OP posts: