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Original poster

She was exactly my type

79 replies

PrixMax · 23/09/2022 17:05

I’m a little bit upset but I wanted to check whether I was just being over sensitive.

My boyfriend was telling me a story about a woman he had met and described her as ‘5ft 1, slim (etc) and exactly my type’.

I am 6ft and decidedly not slim and really could not be the opposite of ‘his type’.

I feel a bit like second best but then maybe I’m just being over sensitive because he is with me and not the 5ft 1 woman (presuming she’d be interested of course).

Am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/09/2022 17:05

No, he was being unnecessarily insensitive. I’d feel the same.

MovinOnUp · 23/09/2022 17:12

That was a shitty thing to say.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 23/09/2022 17:26

That was a horrible thing of him to say. If he’s not grovelling and reinforcing all the things he loves about you and finds attractive about you I’d be reconsidering the relationship as this could be deliberate negging.

Firstreturn · 23/09/2022 17:39

He’s either a bit thick to say that out loud, or a malicious dickhead.

Watchkeys · 23/09/2022 17:43

Did you tell him it hurt? If you did, what did he say? If you didn't, what stopped you?

YouReallyAre · 23/09/2022 17:46

My ex said the same to me, he even asked me if I had thought about dying my hair the same colour as hers was 😧. He is an ex for other reasons but he was incredibly arrogant so would have never realised what he had said was hurtful.

Original poster
PrixMax · 23/09/2022 17:50

Watchkeys · 23/09/2022 17:43

Did you tell him it hurt? If you did, what did he say? If you didn't, what stopped you?

Yes I did and he asked me where my jealous streak came from.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 23/09/2022 17:52

And how did that make you feel?

Watchkeys · 23/09/2022 17:53

Also, how did you respond?

Original poster
PrixMax · 23/09/2022 17:54

Like he doesn’t listen to me and is insensitive. I told him that I didn’t have a jealous streak but I did have standards and that no sane man would tell his girlfriend that another woman was exactly his type when the gf was so different.

OP posts:
pictish · 23/09/2022 17:57

He asked you where your jealous streak came from? That doesn’t bode well. If it was a genuine thoughtless bungle he’d have apologised and reassured you. He slyly insulted you then made it your problem. Not good.

How is he otherwise?

glamourousindierockandroll · 23/09/2022 17:57

I think this is what people call "negging".

The fact that he then turned it back on you, and made your valid challenge out to be hysterical oversensitivity is also a form of gaslighting.

It's emotional manipulation.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/09/2022 18:05

PrixMax · 23/09/2022 17:54

Like he doesn’t listen to me and is insensitive. I told him that I didn’t have a jealous streak but I did have standards and that no sane man would tell his girlfriend that another woman was exactly his type when the gf was so different.

Good for you. But you know he doesn’t care about hurting your feelings so only you know if that’s the deal breaker it should be and whether or not you’ll want more for yourself and dump him.

Watchkeys · 23/09/2022 18:09

Like he doesn’t listen to me and is insensitive

Is he usually an ace in this department, or does he regularly make you feel crap in this way?

Hohofortherobbers · 23/09/2022 18:13

Ouch, what a horrible thing to say. How would he feel if the tables were turned?

Carmakomelian · 23/09/2022 18:17

Classic "negging". I used to think no-one would be do calculating to do it deliberately, but then I met a guy who absolutely did do this to destroy women's confidence - and it worked too, and somehow they ended up more desperate for his attention.

Carmakomelian · 23/09/2022 18:19

He'd never do it straight away, wait a few months and then the nagging started (I was in a unique situation where my relationship to this man meant I saw it happen a few times but was totally off limits romantically so i don't think he ever tried to hide his behaviour from me)

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/09/2022 18:34

You could give him the benefit of the doubt for just saying something thoughtless and insensitive but not realising/meaning it

But!
You tried to discuss it with him, told him it was hurtful and his reaction was...
that you have a jealous streak. ie he is not listening to you and turning it back on you.
He hasn't admitted his behaviour is hurtful and shows no signs of doing so.
This is a dance he will repeat ... do you really want to go through more of these occurances?

Choconut · 23/09/2022 18:44

You have to question why he was telling you that he'd met someone who was exactly his type - you wouldn't dream of saying something like to him would you? The only reason I can think of it to make you feel insecure and eat away at your self esteem. He then goes on to gas light you by telling you the problem is yours because you obviously have a jealousy issue.

My advice would be that he is prick, that is only ever going to mess with your head and you need to think about whether that is what you are looking for in a relationship. This is typical narc territory by the way - but it's too soon to be sure. I wouldn't take my chances personally.

inheritanceshiteagain · 23/09/2022 18:55

I think he's trying to put you in your place by undermining your confidence. He can the bask in your adoration as you will be so grateful he chose you

minticecreamisjustok · 23/09/2022 19:00

He's negging, trying to put you down by saying his type is your opposite so you're so grateful for being with him!
He's a dick and you're not being insensitive, imagine saying similar to him, I doubt he would mind!
Don't allow this crappy behaviour, it's a red flag for worse to come.

forgotoldusername · 23/09/2022 19:01

Seriously? Please bin him off. I don't think a relationship should end for trivial matters but this is very serious. I don't know if he's negging or what he's doing but to me this is the beginning of an attempt to undermine you. I would break up and never look back if you don't want to be unhappy for a very long time

EarthSight · 23/09/2022 19:02

No it's not you. It's him. What a twatty thing to say.

Yes I did and he asked me where my jealous streak came from

Oh dear. How long have you been with him? Sounds like he is starting to play mind games with you. He says a hurtful, foolish, if not manipulative thing.....and suddenly it's your problem is it? Soon you'll be the 'crazy' ex who liked a lot of drama.

OldSkoool · 23/09/2022 19:03

Wtf is wrong with him?!
Do better for yourself, please

SquirrelSoShiny · 23/09/2022 19:04

What an astonishing dickhead. Put ex in front of the boyfriend title and live your best life.