What’s fair

[Junepar]

My boyfriend has his own house (with mortgage) and I private rent. He’s ended up slowly migrating to basically living at mine

what’s fair if he’s living at mine when it comes to bills? I’ve asked for contribution towards food and a contribution towards gas and electric

his house is basically lying empty. I have 2 children from a previous marriage so that’s why he’s basically moved into mine

do you think this is fair?

I came off mumsnet and have gone back on and couldn’t find my original thread 🫣

I’ve finished it tonight and I need a hand held please tell me I’ve done the right thing, I feel a bit of a sense of relief but oh my god what happens if the earth is about to come crashing down I feel like it’s going to hit me

@Junepa you've absolutely done the right thing, really proud of you. Get yourself a bottle of wine and bed in for the evening. Things will get better from here on in!!

Thankyou for your words. He went out last night for “one drink” and was knocking at my door at stupid o’clock in the morning. We were meant to go for a meal tonight and he hasn’t showed up

I’ve literally packed all his stuff and dumped it outside his back door and blocked him on everything

Well done Junepa. I've only just read this thread and was fuming on your behalf, saying to myself "just tell the cocklodger to fuck off!" I get so depressed reading threads like yours - there are so many of them!! You have done exactly the right thing, hurrah for you!

You're clearly a strong woman @Junepar stick by it. You'll never unsee that side of him and it would never work for you and DC's.
You owe him nothing and don't tell him anything about your inheritance.
Well done you.

Thankyou for your words. I think it’s the first time I’ve just got the courage to think fuck you I deserve better. I have to admit I do feel a bit relieved just need to stay strong as I know the road ahead will be hard for a while. Any advice for the next few days?

Well done @Junepar... I wish I'd had a fraction of your common sense in the past!

Honestly, he could have rented out his house and used the money to make your life easier. Instead of which...

but! not any longer!!!! well done!

Thanks you so much ❤️. It took everything I had in me to just think fuck it that’s it but oh my god I’ve done it

Thankyou so so much. Honestly these posts of encouragement are so lovely, I need to dig deep for strength for a while but just have to keep focused that I did the right thing

@Junepa well bloody done!

I've name changed since I posted too (!) but I've been thinking about you and so glad to see your update.

You are strong. Don't forget it. I know it will be hard for a while. It always is. It's like a grieving process for the relationship you thought you'd have.

But I have no doubt you're better off without him. And you and your Dc can look forward to a lovely new place together.

You deserve this. You deserve to be happy.

Thankyou so so much. Thank god for mums net, I know that if I sit here by self and don’t chat to anyone I start to just think oh maybe I didn’t make the right decision I will just have a sleepless night then message in the morning etc

not this time

Consider the situation in reverse. If you owned a home but stayed at his rented home all the time with him and children he had to support, would you expect to live for virtually free?! Of course not! You would be bending over backwards to contribute and help out.

It's a uniquely male thing to do to assume one's presence is more than enough to counterbalance any expense incurred by the (female) host.

I'm no Mystic Meg, but I see a bright future for you OP. Thank goodness you've seen sense. I can't abide cocklodgers.

Good on you. Concentrate on the lesson you're teaching your children, they won't get to see you walked all over. Boundaries are your friend!

Well done @Junepar
Keep busy over the next few days. Try some yoga for sleep or grief or anxiety - just google and you’ll find lots of options.

Keep him blocked. You are amazing and we all support you

it’s the first time I’ve just got the courage to think fuck you I deserve better. I have to admit I do feel a bit relieved...

Keep this thought in your head: fuck you I deserve better

Even better, write it on a few cards and stick to your mirror, your phone, your refrigerator, your pillow, your steering wheel, etc.

Turn fuck you I deserve better into an earworm and sing it to yourself - I'm envisaging something like the tune of 'I will survive'. Channel your inner Gloria Gaynor and promise yourself you won't give in!!💐