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Original poster

Sad that having a baby has lost me my best friend.

67 replies

doggiemum247 · 19/09/2022 15:43

Not really a question but more of a search for others who may have experienced the same. I have a nearly 9mo. She's amazing. But she's hard work and takes up a lot of my time. She also HATES the car and screams bloody murder whenever I put her in it.

My best friend lives 30 mins away and doesn't drive. Before pregnancy, I would always go see him or drive, pick him up, take him to mine and drive him home again. A 2 hour round trip. No questions asked.

Since having my daughter I've obvs not had the time or energy spare to do this. He was good to begin with and took the train to see me but I get that's expensive and time consuming. He'd call me all the time but I hate talking on the phone so I've been avoiding the calls (I know that's assholish but it's nothing to do with him!). He knows DD screams in the car.

Anyway. He's stopped coming around. We rarely meet or talk. I miss him so much and I've told him this, we had a bit of a cry about it. But it didn't really change anything.

Today he posted on Instagram about hanging out with his "bestie", a guy we both know. I'm gutted. We've been best friends for 5 years and I'm so sad that I've lost him.

Anyone else had this happen after kids?

OP posts:
BooseysMom · 19/09/2022 15:55

So sorry to hear about your experience. How long were you besties? The exact same thing happened to me just before I had DS. I had been friends with this woman for 10 years and she just suddenly ghosted me when I announced I was pregnant. She was someone I considered my best friend. It was the days before we had mobiles and so we would call each other. The one thing we really agreed on was that we we were never having kids! I was mid 30s and had a long term bf. (Who i'm now married to) She was slightly older than me and married. I think her DH really wanted kids. So after I told her my news, I never heard from her again.. which was nice!! She was obviously not the person I thought she was. She was a two-faced snake!

baileys6904 · 19/09/2022 16:00

To be honest, I had sympathy until the ' I stopped answering his calls' part. You basically ghosted him, as far as he's concerned. Perhaps he's taken the hint you maybe didn't mean to give?

Gensola · 19/09/2022 16:02

I mean, what do you expect if you don’t answer his calls 🧐

satelliteheart · 19/09/2022 16:02

Agree with pp, you've been ignoring his calls, of course he's given up on the friendship! Sorry but this one's on you

Skinnermarink · 19/09/2022 16:05

You could make the effort to answer his calls though, or arrange to chat when it’s convenient for you. If you can’t do that then you’re the one calling time on the friendship.

stealthninjamum · 19/09/2022 16:09

Op can you get someone to look after your baby for a few hours? I think, if the friendship is worth anything to you, you should apologise

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 19/09/2022 16:10

You've not lost him you pushed him away by not answering his calls and ghosting him!

KingCharlespen · 19/09/2022 16:12

You've neglected him and it's over to you whether you want to retrieve the relationship.

SpringIntoChaos · 19/09/2022 16:14

This is all on you...you ghosted him 🤷‍♀️ Pick up the phone and call him...the onus is on you if you are really that bothered 🤷‍♀️

RunningFromInsanity · 19/09/2022 16:15

I drifted from my best friend of 8years when she had her child. We simply stopped having anything in common.
She didn’t have the time, money or want to do the things we usually did, and I had no interest in going to child friendly events.

Whinge · 19/09/2022 16:17

Another one saying this is on you. Sorry OP but

He travelled to you - You didn't travel to him
He phoned you - You didn't answer and didn't phone back

I know having a baby changes things, but your little one is 9 months old now. It seems like he's been trying to maintain the friendship for months, and you're not doing anything to reciprocate.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 19/09/2022 16:28

If you’re ignoring his calls, this is your fault!

Things will always change when one person has a baby and both have to put in more effort to keep the friendship going. You can’t expect him to be the one that makes all the effort by getting trains to see you when you won’t even pick up the phone to him.

mumda · 19/09/2022 16:32

Most babies seem to love being in the car. Can you try a different car seat?

Seaoftroubles · 19/09/2022 16:33

Definitely your fault here O.P. You avoided his calls so what was he supposed to think? If you want to repair things then try phoning him or make an effort to meet up.

Summerslam · 19/09/2022 16:39

You're using your baby as an excuse.

You weren't answering his calls, no wonder he's found a new best friend.

namechange30455 · 19/09/2022 16:52

Can your partner not look after your baby for a couple of hours?

Ginger1982 · 19/09/2022 16:58

Yeah sorry, but not answering his calls is a complete cop out.

iekanda · 19/09/2022 17:02

It isn't really practical to not be able to get your baby in your car. Perhaps you need to change the car seat.

Aside from this, I think the call blanking was the problem.

Skinnermarink · 19/09/2022 17:07

Would it be possible to take the train with the baby? DS and I have done tonnes of days out by train since he was tiny. You could meet somewhere halfway.

Megapint · 19/09/2022 17:09

I don't think it's because you had a baby. It's because you don't answer his calls or make an effort to see him. Lots of babies scream in the car but they get used to it eventually.

Flangelasashes · 19/09/2022 17:11

You didn't lose him, you threw him away. Delighted he found someone who values the friendship. Your excuses are ridiculous.

BeenHereForYonkyDoodles · 19/09/2022 17:12

Awww pick up the phone op. Give him a call now before this gets weird & you drift further apart.
You could always video chat if that would suit you better.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2022 17:17

Whinge · 19/09/2022 16:17

Another one saying this is on you. Sorry OP but

He travelled to you - You didn't travel to him
He phoned you - You didn't answer and didn't phone back

I know having a baby changes things, but your little one is 9 months old now. It seems like he's been trying to maintain the friendship for months, and you're not doing anything to reciprocate.

He didn’t travel to op. She had to visit him or pick him up. Quite an effort with a child or having recently given birth. This is not op’s fault.

Flangelasashes · 19/09/2022 17:20

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2022 17:17

He didn’t travel to op. She had to visit him or pick him up. Quite an effort with a child or having recently given birth. This is not op’s fault.

Show quote history

I think you will find he did...

Since having my daughter I've obvs not had the time or energy spare to do this. He was good to begin with and took the train to see me but I get that's expensive and time consuming. He'd call me all the time but I hate talking on the phone so I've been avoiding the calls

Whinge · 19/09/2022 17:20

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2022 17:17

He didn’t travel to op. She had to visit him or pick him up. Quite an effort with a child or having recently given birth. This is not op’s fault.

Show quote history

Confused I read the OP and thought it was clear that she was happy to travel before but hadn't done any of the travelling since having having the baby.

Before pregnancy, I would always go see him or drive, pick him up, take him to mine and drive him home again... Since having my daughter I've obvs not had the time or energy spare to do this.