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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My Husband & Neighbour flirted with each other.

67 replies

Flash26 · 19/09/2022 13:25

we are married 20 years & have 2 children, we have a happy house and all seemed good. New neighbours moved in a year ago, a couple in their 40’s same as us. In the last 6 months my husband got chatting to them, about their dog etc, as we have dog too, he also loaned them a garden tool, so just small stuff. About 2 months ago we were at a birthday party in local pub and they were there, this was my 1st time meeting them, let’s call them Luke & Mary, anyway I noticed anytime mh went to bar, Mary would get eye contact with him & smile or go out of her way to brush off him, I didn’t like it but never mentioned anything since, Recently we decided to have a few friends, neighbours over for food & drinks in garden, my husband invited them. Well the minute they arrived, mh sat with Mary all evening, not making conversations with anyone else. Anytime mh went in to get a drink, she would follow. No one seemed to notice as they all chatting with each other. I knew by their body language they liked each other. Anyway I went upstairs to sort a bed out as my friend was staying over, I could hear them talking in the hall, mh saying how he loves her bum & dreams about her, she saying ‘oh really we have to do something about this as I think your gorgeous’, well I just cried upstairs. When I came down they were out the back, I didn’t say anything , didn’t know what to do, Luke then said to Mary they are going home & she didn’t want to go, eventually they left, mh was very drunk at this stage so I told him to go to bed. Next Morning I told mh what I heard and he says he can’t remember anything, told him to leave, he’s back now in the box room, he is very very remorseful etc. He tells he has no interest in her and that he doesn’t understand why he would of said all that, just don’t know what to do, was something going on prior to this night …. As they seemed quite comfortable with each other when they were chatting all evening….

OP posts:
Feathersandothers · 19/09/2022 13:29

Well how can you move on from this utter disrespect? What a shit he is. I’m sorry op.

XJerseyGirlX · 19/09/2022 13:32

Fuck that , get dh, Mary and her husband in a room together and discuss what you heard ! Then throw him out !

PineOrange · 19/09/2022 13:49

That is not flirting that is a proposition.

Kick him out and tell Mary's husband what occured.

GoneWithTheWine1 · 19/09/2022 13:52

Fuck that. Go round to Mary's house and tell her husband!

UserError012345 · 19/09/2022 13:58

Dickhead. And her. So much for girl code.

Go and flirt with Luke!!!

badbaduncle · 19/09/2022 14:02

Tell Luke in front of Mary. I'd do it now whilst your shite husband is whimpering upstairs.

MrsTimRiggins · 19/09/2022 14:04

That’s absolutely not flirting, that’s outright hitting on her, in your house, while you were also in the bloody house!! There’s absolutely no way I could move past that level of complete disrespect. I’m so sorry x

JacquelineCarlyle · 19/09/2022 14:07

I'd go and tell Mary & her husband that they're not welcome and need to keep their distance as you're not accepting anything so disrespectful in your own home.

I'd also kick your DH out - not sure if it would be a permanent move or not, but I'd need time to consider and digest what's happened and what I'd want the next move to be.

So sorry Op, as it's a truly shit situation for you.

Cliopatra1 · 19/09/2022 14:12

They were planning to get together. I’d have kicked her after hearing that.

Cornflakegirll · 19/09/2022 14:13

Everything written above. This is NOT flirting, it’s a proposition for cheating.

Tell Luke in front of Mary exactly what you heard, then kick your husband out and get some space. Draw a really REALLY clear line in the sand!

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2022 14:17

I would be telling this cow's husband exactly what they said in front of her.

Hawkins001 · 19/09/2022 14:21

All the best and positivity op, based on your perspectives, seems like if they had the chance, they would be riding as if at the grand national

LoekMa · 19/09/2022 14:26

This reads like fiction. I call BS

Hopeandlove · 19/09/2022 14:31

I’d go around now and ask to speak to him
and I’d tell him word for word what you heard

no comments

no apology

just please tell Mary if she wants John he’s currently in the spare room as I’ve had it with him
so she’s welcome to my seconds

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 19/09/2022 14:32

LoekMa · 19/09/2022 14:26

This reads like fiction. I call BS

Me too!

Arnaquer · 19/09/2022 14:34

Someone's bored. 🙄

OldFan · 19/09/2022 14:36

This reads like fiction. I call BS

@LoekMa I doubt it's unusual for someone's partner/husband to chat someone up when in another room from his wife. I've heard of it happening.

Hawkins001 · 19/09/2022 14:38

OldFan · 19/09/2022 14:36

This reads like fiction. I call BS

@LoekMa I doubt it's unusual for someone's partner/husband to chat someone up when in another room from his wife. I've heard of it happening.

It's odd at times how just because some don't think it's possible, therefore it's made up

MsDogLady · 19/09/2022 14:45

Well the minute they arrived, mh sat with Mary all evening, not making conversations with anyone else. Anytime mh went in to get a drink, Mary would follow. I could tell by their body language that they liked each other.

Of course he’s interested in Mary. They’ve been starting an affair and making an utter mockery of you.

Flash, don’t be fooled by his clueless response. He knows very well that they’ve been building a flirtatious connection for months. They acted like a couple at your party, only had eyes for each other, and made sexual declarations.

He has betrayed you, so be passive at your own peril. I would read him the riot act and send him away for a while while you weigh your options. Make it clear that he stands to lose everything unless he cuts off Mary. Inform Luke exactly what you heard.

LoekMa · 19/09/2022 14:47

I wonder at times who exactly decides which intern has to come up with these stories to keep engagememt (Ad revenue) on this website up. I mean these stories..jeez.

Flash26 · 19/09/2022 15:15

Thanks everyone for your advice, it’s all still quite raw at the moment, hopefully soon, I will decide on my next steps when I’m thinking a bit clearer.

OP posts:
Noteverybodylives · 19/09/2022 16:09

I don’t know why you didn’t immediately run out and call them out on their behaviour and kick them both out.

Obviously you will forgive him because he’s moved back in.

I personally couldn’t forgive this as doing it in front of each other’s partners is beyond disrespectful.

Flash26 · 19/09/2022 17:03

in hindsight I should of done that - I know,
I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing, think I went into shock. Tried to carry on as normal as I could til everyone went home.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 19/09/2022 23:38

Flash, of course you were shocked to the core by your H’s act of infidelity. He and Mary have clearly developed a mutual attraction and validation dynamic. This needs to be blown out of the water pronto, and informing Luke will help that along. Plus, he has the right to know.

Personally, I couldn’t get past seeing them behave as if on a date and hearing their lust-talk.

WhackingPhoenix · 19/09/2022 23:56

LoekMa · 19/09/2022 14:26

This reads like fiction. I call BS

It reads like it’s been written by someone whose first language isn’t English. I grew up with a Polish family member whose written and spoken English was exactly like that.

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