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Original poster

Ex wife won’t leave partners home

59 replies

Banana2079 · 17/09/2022 22:59

I have been with my partner for a year and a half, He separated from his wife when she had an affair with her work colleague and decided to settle with him And they are still together.
As they have a five-year-old son together he moved out of the family home So son could continue school And not create too much stress for him.
He does not own the home he is a tenant And the only one named on the tenancy- it is a housing association property.
He has been paying the rent there as he is legally responsible as the named tenant And has been paying the council tax and other household bills, He has also been paying his child after school care fees which are extortionate
He has asked his ex-wife to contribute towards the rent to which she agreed to as she is living there and he would like to move out of his mums house Whilst they both decide next steps . Currently as he’s paying all the bills and rent for a property he is not living in plus after school fees . He is unable to move out of his mums front room , His mum Who is in her late 70s has said that she would like her front room back As currently he is sleeping on a futon in there with all of his stuff.
Recently he discovered that his wife has not been paying any rent at all and There are now rent arrears as a result. She has also applied to child maintenance service who have told her he doesn’t have to pay her as he is paying for her rent and bills and after school fees

I did say to him that he should have been calling the housing Association monthly check That she was paying her half of the rent however I also said that seeing as he is the only one on the tenancy he is legally responsible for all of the rent regardless of whatever arrangement he has with her.
It’s not possible for him to live with me at the moment as I Moved in with my elderly parents st around time we met so that I can care for them along with my seven-year-old daughter For a period of time until I figure out other arrangements .

He mention to the wife what is going on with the flat, (He is quite attached to his flat because it was a legacy tenancy handed to him when his dad died of cancer)
His wife earns quite a lot of money And is one of the heads of quite a prestigious well-known department store
He mentioned to her 2 months ago that he thinks that she should move out seeing as the property is in his name , she refuses to pay rent or bills and can afford to find her own place esp now she has moved on - she then applied for an occupation order
the judge didn’t grant one and told them both to come back when the divorce comes through
he does want the flat back as he has lots of memories of his dad there , was his place before he met her and wasnt the one who ended the marriage plus pays rent and council tax ect
she has also had her boyfriend over so he feels like he is paying for them both to live Rent and bill free
I try not to get involved as don’t want to be seen as meddling however I do worry about him as he is becoming quite upset about his living situation- he could afford the flat social housing rates but works as a carer and can’t afford to private rent although she can
also he is upset that he helped bring his son up and saw him daily -and was usually the one providing all the childcare As she works odd hours .and . she often stops him from going round , recently she took him out of school for a 2 wk holiday without telling him on the day he was meant to pick him up from school
he is worried she will get tenancy transferred into her name
any advice ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Banana2079 · 17/09/2022 23:03

Sorry forget to add the reason her name wasn’t added on the tenancy was because the HA refused citing that was not possible with legacy tenancies

OP posts:
Threelittlelambs · 17/09/2022 23:12

He needs to apply for an eviction notice and give her 2 months notice to move. If she refuses he can then get an occupation order.

Howver he needs to tread carefully as he is also evicting his child.

Wherearemymarbles · 17/09/2022 23:45

Why didnt he kick her out and have custody of his child. He sounds a bit wet to me.
as above, evict and have custody

DenholmElliot1 · 17/09/2022 23:59

Yes, his only option left is to get her evicted. However, this then leaves the problem of where his son will live.

My gut feeling is that he's hankering after getting a place with you.

mscampbelle · 18/09/2022 00:10

I would let him sort this mess out himself.

It doesn't seem that complicated.

He has a council flat. His ex can afford to move out and house herself, they can then sort out child care arrangements.

If he can't, I would be wondering what could he bring to my life and would I end up looking after him as he doesn't seem to be capable of doing much.

I would also be wondering how much of the story he has told you is true.

Original poster
Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 00:50

the situation is true / he has not hidden anything
thanks for your replies all

OP posts:
ihatethefuckingmuffin · 18/09/2022 01:27

He needs to go and talk to the HA about the legal options as they can help boot her out considering it’s their property.

MintJulia · 18/09/2022 02:53

The easiest thing to do, would be for him to move back in. It is his tenancy, and his ds. If his mother wants her spare room back, he should move back into his flat.

If the ex has a new boyfriend, and can afford to rent elsewhere, him moving back in would encourage her at least to negotiate.

Sargass0 · 18/09/2022 03:37

Wife has matrimonial home rights, that means she has just as much right to occupy the property as he does, despite her not being on the tenancy.

Not sure why posters are saying for your partner to evict her, he can't, he does not have the power to do so.

Your partner needs to seek a family law solicitor for advice.

oatmilkicedchai · 18/09/2022 04:53

Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 00:50

the situation is true / he has not hidden anything
thanks for your replies all

The very point of hiding something is to prevent the other person from finding out. So why you think you know for certain that he definitely has not hidden anything is a bit beyond me.

I thought the same thing as PP - some of what he has said sounds sort of fishy, and would certainly cause me to probe more.

Have you seen actual evidence of the fact that he is living at his mother's? Do you know the address of the family home where his ex is living ?

sjxoxo · 18/09/2022 05:06

I don’t think he should evict her and his son - can he transfer it into her name? That would be ideal as she is living there.

The bit aboutbthe expensive school fees etc to my mind is irrelevant- he should be paying at least 50% of everything which includes expensive care fees etc.

You say she is well paid but if she works in retail I think that’s unlikely and also if she’s got plenty of money what was she doing living in a HA property even when she was with your partner in a relationship??

I would recommend your partner get legal advice and keep things amicable to help his ex and importantly his son have a stable life. X

layladomino · 18/09/2022 06:47

Sorry if I've missed it, but are the divorced or divorcing? This should be sorted as part of the divorce. If your DP hasn't served divorce papers why not? He is slowing down the process of getting this resolved by not divorcing her.

NotJustAnybody · 18/09/2022 07:04

I don't understand why he's paying for everything! Why doesn't he pay the HA direct and stop paying for anything else. He needs to contact all service providers and tell them he no longer lives there, also the council iro council tax. He also needs to discuss the situation with the HA. If they divorce, she continues to live there but they won't change the tenancy, what then? He could go to the CAB for advice.

Whatever you do, don't even think about getting a place together until this is sorted. It's his problem, not yours.

Andromachehadabadday · 18/09/2022 07:10

She has a right to be there wether the tenancy is in his name or not. They are married. It will be sorted as part of the divorce. Have they even started the divorce?

girlmom21 · 18/09/2022 07:11

If he's only been paying half the rent what's he been doing with the other half? If he hasn't been saving it then it's his own fault he can't afford anywhere else.

Tell him to transfer the tenancy to her.

TibetanTerrah · 18/09/2022 07:19

He's either completely wet and useless or hes not telling you you whole truth. Neither are great qualities tbh.

I can't help thinking hes flailing around all "poor me" to manipulate you into stepping in to help with housing. Ick.

Original poster
Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 08:02

Hello , yes and yes
i have been to his mothers and been there during all the discussion about the whole thing with his wider family
and yes I know where the ex lives I’ve been outside of the house when he has picked up ds he has spoken with me at length I’ve Been there when he has spoken to the housing association who say they can’t do much that he just needs to go to court.
not sure why you are implying he is lying Nothing in my statement points for that fact and I am not questioning the integrity of my partner I am asking a question about the occupation of his home whether he has any rights to move back et cetera I have not got involved or give him much advice about it as I don’t really want to get involved as it’s between them both
I just want to get a consensus of what advice there is
It’s a difficult one for me because there is a child involved and of course child comes first

OP posts:
Original poster
Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 08:05

he Had been paying all of the rent Until he asked her to pay half -the other half would have paid he gives to his mother plus more because he is living in her front room , why should he transfer the tenancy to her? I mean he could do but His argument is that the tenancy belongs to him and she can afford to move out when Divorce comes through

OP posts:
Original poster
Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 08:07

We have discussed our housing situation and he does not Me to house him we have had this discussion there seem to be a lot of Judge mental comments on here I just want some advice around the tenancy.
He is not wet -he’s doing a decent thing by paying for them to live there including all of her bills and after-school club. Has now gone back to paying for all of the rent. The tenancy is in his name so legally he is responsible for all of the rent and the council tax.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 18/09/2022 08:09

Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 08:05

he Had been paying all of the rent Until he asked her to pay half -the other half would have paid he gives to his mother plus more because he is living in her front room , why should he transfer the tenancy to her? I mean he could do but His argument is that the tenancy belongs to him and she can afford to move out when Divorce comes through

So he hasn't made sure that his child's current home is paid for and he hasn't saved to get a new secure home for when he has his child?

He should transfer the tenancy because then his child will have a permanent home and he won't have to pay for any of it. He can then afford to get his own home and have the child 50/50.

NancyJoan · 18/09/2022 08:11

Is she his wife, or ex-wife?

If I were him, I’d move back in.

Original poster
Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 08:11

Yes They have put in a divorce he is happy to pay after school fees He isn’t legally responsible for those but he pays for them anyway Because he is the father so should pay 50%,including all of the rent and council tax because as I said earlier he is legally responsible for that whether he is living there or not As tenancy in his name
Answer another question I don’t know why they continued to live in Ha property considering the wifes high earning maybe because it’s cheap rent in central London and she wanted to save - that’s a question I can’t answer.
I don’t think it’s fair that he’s paying 100% of the rent council tax and after-school fees however however his argument is that he doesn’t want his son to suffer because if she doesn’t pay her part of the rent in which she wasn’t doing then the tenancy could be ended by the Ha because of rent arrears

OP posts:
Andromachehadabadday · 18/09/2022 08:13

Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 08:11

Yes They have put in a divorce he is happy to pay after school fees He isn’t legally responsible for those but he pays for them anyway Because he is the father so should pay 50%,including all of the rent and council tax because as I said earlier he is legally responsible for that whether he is living there or not As tenancy in his name
Answer another question I don’t know why they continued to live in Ha property considering the wifes high earning maybe because it’s cheap rent in central London and she wanted to save - that’s a question I can’t answer.
I don’t think it’s fair that he’s paying 100% of the rent council tax and after-school fees however however his argument is that he doesn’t want his son to suffer because if she doesn’t pay her part of the rent in which she wasn’t doing then the tenancy could be ended by the Ha because of rent arrears

So it will be sorted as part of the divorce.

He can’t make her leave he has no right to. He could move back in, in which case she might leave.

Why doesn’t he do that?

Sargass0 · 18/09/2022 08:13

Banana2079 · 18/09/2022 08:05

he Had been paying all of the rent Until he asked her to pay half -the other half would have paid he gives to his mother plus more because he is living in her front room , why should he transfer the tenancy to her? I mean he could do but His argument is that the tenancy belongs to him and she can afford to move out when Divorce comes through

Housing law- In that case, he can either end the tenancy himself, which means his wife and child would be evicted, ends his liability for rent but he will no longer be able to live there either

Family law- court will decide what happens with the tenancy.

Doesn't matter what his or your opinion is on the situation.

Annualleavecancelled · 18/09/2022 08:13

He needs to get divorced and get this sorted out.

A man in relationship limbo like this isn't a good bet as he's got too much baggage.

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