Ex wife won’t leave partners home

[Banana2079]

I have been with my partner for a year and a half, He separated from his wife when she had an affair with her work colleague and decided to settle with him And they are still together.
As they have a five-year-old son together he moved out of the family home So son could continue school And not create too much stress for him.
He does not own the home he is a tenant And the only one named on the tenancy- it is a housing association property.
He has been paying the rent there as he is legally responsible as the named tenant And has been paying the council tax and other household bills, He has also been paying his child after school care fees which are extortionate
He has asked his ex-wife to contribute towards the rent to which she agreed to as she is living there and he would like to move out of his mums house Whilst they both decide next steps . Currently as he’s paying all the bills and rent for a property he is not living in plus after school fees . He is unable to move out of his mums front room , His mum Who is in her late 70s has said that she would like her front room back As currently he is sleeping on a futon in there with all of his stuff.
Recently he discovered that his wife has not been paying any rent at all and There are now rent arrears as a result. She has also applied to child maintenance service who have told her he doesn’t have to pay her as he is paying for her rent and bills and after school fees

I did say to him that he should have been calling the housing Association monthly check That she was paying her half of the rent however I also said that seeing as he is the only one on the tenancy he is legally responsible for all of the rent regardless of whatever arrangement he has with her.
It’s not possible for him to live with me at the moment as I Moved in with my elderly parents st around time we met so that I can care for them along with my seven-year-old daughter For a period of time until I figure out other arrangements .

He mention to the wife what is going on with the flat, (He is quite attached to his flat because it was a legacy tenancy handed to him when his dad died of cancer)
His wife earns quite a lot of money And is one of the heads of quite a prestigious well-known department store
He mentioned to her 2 months ago that he thinks that she should move out seeing as the property is in his name , she refuses to pay rent or bills and can afford to find her own place esp now she has moved on - she then applied for an occupation order
the judge didn’t grant one and told them both to come back when the divorce comes through
he does want the flat back as he has lots of memories of his dad there , was his place before he met her and wasnt the one who ended the marriage plus pays rent and council tax ect
she has also had her boyfriend over so he feels like he is paying for them both to live Rent and bill free
I try not to get involved as don’t want to be seen as meddling however I do worry about him as he is becoming quite upset about his living situation- he could afford the flat social housing rates but works as a carer and can’t afford to private rent although she can
also he is upset that he helped bring his son up and saw him daily -and was usually the one providing all the childcare As she works odd hours .and . she often stops him from going round , recently she took him out of school for a 2 wk holiday without telling him on the day he was meant to pick him up from school
he is worried she will get tenancy transferred into her name
any advice ?

I had a similar issue although it was my ex husband whose name was on the tenancy. Until the divorce became final I had matrimonial house rights and couldn’t be evicted but once the absolute was issued I could have been made to leave. We went to court and I was awarded the tenancy - the housing association had to follow the court order. It was messy and I would expect his ex to do the same, if she’s been living there with their child since they separated then that will most likely go on her favour.

I have no advice and what an awful situation for him. But what a fantastic man, to have supported his ex for his son's sake. She's obviously massively taken advantage but from personal experience and reading threads on here it's nice to hear of a man who went out of his way to provide for his child.

How has he not make sure that he is Child Home is not paid for? He was paying all of the rent then he paid half because she rightly Pain the other half he discovered she wasn’t paying the other half and now he’s paying all of the rent while she lives there for Free and earns more than he does
I think by paying all of the rent all of the bills including Internet and after school fees while she pays absolutely nothing herself is absolutely providing for his child -more than he even has to
He could transfer the tenancy in her name but his argument is why should he has he wants his flat back .
I don’t really wanna discuss it with him but as it’s stressing him out I may say to him that if he does go to court there is a possibility the court will transfer the tenancy into her name Whether he likes it or not when she applied for the occupation order last time they said to come back after the divorce and for her to bring payslips, so it could go either way, but even if she does get tenancy it’s a good thing as all of this mess will be over she will be responsible for the rent and he can go and find somewhere else to be honest the whole thing is doing my head in but thanks for all the advice Everyone

I understand why he would want to keep the tenancy but if she wants to remain living there it would become messy and not great for the child.

He does need legal advice and then it would be sorted when they start divorce proceedings.

He needs her to be willing to move as if she digs her heels in it will have to go to court.

Is he clear about what she wants? Does she want to take on the tenancy with her partner?

I don’t agree with posters saying he should move back in even though legally he is probably entitled to.

What are child contact arrangements like amongst all this and if she has to move would they be affected?

I would also say that although he wants to keep the flat, he might have to start being more open minded and think about how it would work if he changed the tenancy over to her. It would be easier all round If he could let that go. Then his finances would be more healthy, he would be in a position to move out of his mother’s and his child is homed.

At any point has he spoken to his housing officer?

The healthy things to do:

1. Disentangle yourself from this man who isn't free of his ex and doesn't know how to manage his finances.
2. Resolutely refuse to become so involved in anyone else's business, ever again. Learn the phrase 'Not my circus, not my monkeys.'

PS - It's a rented property. It doesn't belong to him or to her. Emotional connections to the place are irrelevant.

If he has not sorted this in 18 months he probably never will. He sounds like a wet blanket who will be complaining for decades about his ex living in a flat he pays for while still paying. He should be contacting the housing officer, discussing this with the ex and making a plan for her to move out/transfer tenancy. It sounds like he has done nothing.

I think you need to find a man who is a little further along in his post separation life. Do you really want to be involved in this mess?

Hello I’m glad it worked out in your favour, but my question is does she actually want the tenancy because when she has been asked to pay rent she does not and she would have known this would of caused rent It is, maybe because she knows the tenancy is in his name she is not obliged to pay anything but surely if that continued they could’ve lost the tenancy altogether.. well As other people have said this is quite a lot of baggage and I’m probably going to Tell him to ask a Court to make a decision when they finally divorce and then start a fresh from there as long as his son is okay that’s all I care about, Just wanted advice on which way it could go

Has he asked if she wants the tenancy?

Sorry meant to say known this would have caused rent arrears

@scooterbee38 Thank you I do think it’s commendable he has continued to pay everything , Although she should be paying 50% . I agree with everything else people have said I eat either transfer the tenancy to her name and move on or settle it in court when divorce comes through in October

Could he move back in?

This is what I was thinking.

If the HA wouldn't even let him add her to the tenancy, they are hardly likely to let him transfer the tenancy either.

He needs to move back in and actually live in his HA property. If she doesn't like it, she can do something about it but he shouldn't be paying for everything and living elsewhere. It's crazy.
And she tried to apply for CM on top!! He's definitely going to need to step on her toes to get her to act.

This all needs to be sorted, with proper legal advice, as part of the divorce. It's his responsibility to sort it, not yours. Leave him to it and don't get dragged in. Neither he nor his ex are going to get exactly what they want out of it, but what does come out of it will likely be fairer than the current situation.

He can't transfer the tenancy to her name, it's already been transferred to his name when his Dad passed away, you can only do that once you can't keep passing tenancies through families on a never ending basis.
He needs to move back in as it's his tenancy - you can't have a social housing tenancy and not live there - either that or he needs to give notice. Either way he should speak to his Housing Officer and ask for help.

He either

1. takes himself off tenancy and lets her take over tenancy and agree maintenance payments.
2. wait for Court to decide, in all honesty Court will probably say she should get tenancy in her name, due to having child.
3. go through process to evict her, which is costly and will take a long time and probably something he doesn’t want to do.

Although the property has sentimental reasons for him wanting to keep the property, unless she leaves on her own accord, there’s not a lot else he can do. I suppose he could offer her a cash sum to leave, but it does need sorting.

@Banana2079 but also appreciate it must be very frustrating for you too.

This is a silly comment. He may not make a lot of money and how they split finances previously may have changed. His financial situation also may have changed when they split. Legacy tenancies are not straight forward and you cannot just transfer names over.

@londonlass71 how's it a silly comment? If he hasn't saved half the money he was previously spending he's daft.

The OP said he doesn't want to transfer the tenancy over so it is an option.

He should speak to somewhere like Shelter and get legal advice.

If I was you I'd prefer to be on my own rather than be with someone who has an ex that takes the absolute piss like she has with the rent and bills.

Oh and he can't transfer the tenancy to her. You can only transfer a tenancy once and his dad already did that.

He could give notice so the HA evict her.

She does have a right to live there as they were married. He shouldn't have left the flat really but it's done now.

The judge will have to make sure both parties are able to have somewhere to live. If he moves back in citing his dm not having soace for him, shows the rent records of him paying for it and his low income compared to her high income he might stand a chance of keeping it.

I didn’t realise you can’t transfer over legacy tenancies
’m also going to listen to some of the other posts on here to say that I’m going to step back from this and let him sort it it’s already given me enough stress -as it’s stressing him out