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Original poster

Hit with another “don’t think we should see each other again, wish you the best”

68 replies

Juice764 · 17/09/2022 10:22

Okay so it’s much better than being ghosted.

But yet again after a first date which I thought went well, and I actually really fancied the man, I get hit with this again!
im getting tired of it, and wondering what I’m doing wrong.

The conversation flowed, we both took equal amount of time talking about ourselves, and he was so good looking. I can’t help but think I might be a bit of a catfish. We didn’t kiss at the end or anything and to be fair I didn’t really make a move and wish I did now.

I feel like I’ll never find anyone!

OP posts:
FaazoHuyzeoSix · 17/09/2022 10:27

Some guys premptively say sruff like this as they are terrified of rejection and want to have the upper hand. If that's a deliberate tactic its a red flag sign of an arsehole and you are better off out. But it could be subconscious.

Try replying "fair enough. I had thought there was a bit of a spark and was open for more but if you don't feel it that's totally cool. Best wishes"

That way you are playing it a bit cool and aren't begging him, but you are letting him know he wouldn't be rejected.

ICanHideButICantRun · 17/09/2022 10:29

Arrgh no, don't tell someone who's sent that message that you thought there was a spark!

Wouldloveanother · 17/09/2022 10:32

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 17/09/2022 10:27

Some guys premptively say sruff like this as they are terrified of rejection and want to have the upper hand. If that's a deliberate tactic its a red flag sign of an arsehole and you are better off out. But it could be subconscious.

Try replying "fair enough. I had thought there was a bit of a spark and was open for more but if you don't feel it that's totally cool. Best wishes"

That way you are playing it a bit cool and aren't begging him, but you are letting him know he wouldn't be rejected.

Omg don’t tell them that 😱

HandbagAtDawn · 17/09/2022 10:34

Try replying "fair enough. I had thought there was a bit of a spark and was open for more but if you don't feel it that's totally cool. Best wishes

This is terrible advice! He’s literally telling you there’s no spark for him. Why would you reply and tell him you thought there was?!

And why did you say you think you’re a bit of a catfish? Is your profile photo very different from how you look?

IodineQueen · 17/09/2022 10:39

What do you mean catfish? I always put up pretty ‘normal’ and natural photos of myself, nothing glam, as well as one not in my best light to avoid disappointment and then make an extra effort for the date.

megosaurusrex · 17/09/2022 10:41

Try replying "fair enough. I had thought there was a bit of a spark and was open for more but if you don't feel it that's totally cool. Best wishes"

Send this message, just leave out the middle sentence.

Octomore · 17/09/2022 10:42

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 17/09/2022 10:27

Some guys premptively say sruff like this as they are terrified of rejection and want to have the upper hand. If that's a deliberate tactic its a red flag sign of an arsehole and you are better off out. But it could be subconscious.

Try replying "fair enough. I had thought there was a bit of a spark and was open for more but if you don't feel it that's totally cool. Best wishes"

That way you are playing it a bit cool and aren't begging him, but you are letting him know he wouldn't be rejected.

Do not do this! This is the opposite of 'playing it cool' and makes you look lacking in self esteem.

Just acknowledge it and move on.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/09/2022 10:44

It’s a numbers game - just keep at it.

There can be multiple reasons why you weren’t for him, don’t give it any thought.

Why the comment on catfishing??

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/09/2022 10:44

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 17/09/2022 10:27

Some guys premptively say sruff like this as they are terrified of rejection and want to have the upper hand. If that's a deliberate tactic its a red flag sign of an arsehole and you are better off out. But it could be subconscious.

Try replying "fair enough. I had thought there was a bit of a spark and was open for more but if you don't feel it that's totally cool. Best wishes"

That way you are playing it a bit cool and aren't begging him, but you are letting him know he wouldn't be rejected.

Don’t be ridiculous.

coffeeschmoffee · 17/09/2022 10:45

Don't reply! No response is a response as they say.

Next! Don't give him a second more of your thoughts or time.

pompomdaisy · 17/09/2022 10:59

Yeah don't tell him you though there was a spark eg. I'm desperate please like me back!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 17/09/2022 11:02

A catfish is when someone uses a fake picture to lure you in, isn’t it? How can he be a catfish if you’ve seen him?

SpotOnMyBot · 17/09/2022 11:03

Yes I agree don't reply.

I don't want to be brutal but I did OLD for years and this was my standard stock reply if I didn't fancy someone (was slightly kinder than your message but the message was the same).

It's perfectly possible to have a nice date but just not find someone physically/sexually attractive.

Good luck with the next date - onwards and upwards!

Octomore · 17/09/2022 11:06

If you're worried about the 'catfish' thing, then I would ask whoever you know who is most likely to be honest with you. Show them the pictures you use, and ask them to tell you honestly whether those pictures are true to life. Ask them to be brutal if necessary.

It can be very tempting to only use the best pictures of ourselves, but it's best to try to avoid this.

There are people I work with whose photos on their teams profile are utterly unrecognisable. The photo looks amazing, well lit, taken from the best side, filters used, head at just the right angle to minimise double chin etc.... whereas in real life they look like normal human beings, flaws and all.

knittingaddict · 17/09/2022 11:08

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 17/09/2022 11:02

A catfish is when someone uses a fake picture to lure you in, isn’t it? How can he be a catfish if you’ve seen him?

The op said "she" was a bit of a catfish, not him. She means that the man may be expecting something from the profile that she isn't delivering.

I doubt it's that.

Everylittlethingsgonnabealright · 17/09/2022 11:09

You could ask him what put him off if you’re open to finding out why. It’s obviously a lost cause anyway so you’re not going to lose anything by asking. I can’t be bothered with all these games about playing it cool etc though!

I’ve been turned off some dates for fairly small reasons that are really nothing to do with the guy - one man looked very like my abusive alcoholic brother, so for me it was an association I couldn’t deal with however lovely he might have been. It might be nothing about you at all, and like a PP said it’s just a numbers game. If you think about it, it’s quite difficult to find someone you like who likes you the same way. So don’t get disheartened and make it a comment about you when it probably isn’t.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 17/09/2022 11:13

Well if you're catfishing, what do you expect to be honest? You're lying about what you look like, doing that to a stranger isn't a good look. All they will think is 'what else is a lie' and the moment is ruined from there on.

Come on, if a guy catfished you, would you seriously be interested still? I'd be thinking the above and would want to run a mile.

Put up real pictures. Real information. Stop lying.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 17/09/2022 11:14

knittingaddict · 17/09/2022 11:08

The op said "she" was a bit of a catfish, not him. She means that the man may be expecting something from the profile that she isn't delivering.

I doubt it's that.

Show quote history

Ah, got it.

Billylilly · 17/09/2022 11:16

Why/how do you mean you may be a cat fish?

Neverfullycharged · 17/09/2022 11:16

She’s not lying. I think that what the OP means is that the photos she’s using are very flattering ones, either that or perhaps ones from a few years ago or maybe after a professional makeover, something like that. I’m almost certain that’s what she means, not that she’s put up pictures of someone totally different Hmm

MarshaBradyo · 17/09/2022 11:16

That’s tough but if he didn’t feel it there’s not much you can do

Making a move would have just been awkward he wasn’t keen

You’re likely not doing anything wrong but the attraction wasn’t there, it could be with someone else

knittingaddict · 17/09/2022 11:16

ILikeHotWaterBottles the oo didn't sau she was a catfish fgs. She was worrying that she was somehow misrepresenting herself. It's more than likely low self esteem talking. No need for the nasty post

knittingaddict · 17/09/2022 11:17

Apologies for all the typos in that last post.

youarntaguest · 17/09/2022 11:17

Everylittlethingsgonnabealright · 17/09/2022 11:09

You could ask him what put him off if you’re open to finding out why. It’s obviously a lost cause anyway so you’re not going to lose anything by asking. I can’t be bothered with all these games about playing it cool etc though!

I’ve been turned off some dates for fairly small reasons that are really nothing to do with the guy - one man looked very like my abusive alcoholic brother, so for me it was an association I couldn’t deal with however lovely he might have been. It might be nothing about you at all, and like a PP said it’s just a numbers game. If you think about it, it’s quite difficult to find someone you like who likes you the same way. So don’t get disheartened and make it a comment about you when it probably isn’t.

I don't think she should ask this. On a first date it's mostly about physical attraction especially for men. He didn't fancy her That's no way saying she's not attractive he just didn't fancy her !

pompomdaisy · 17/09/2022 11:22

Who wouldn't use flattering photos though op?