Hit with another “don’t think we should see each other again, wish you the best”

[Juice764]

Okay so it’s much better than being ghosted.

But yet again after a first date which I thought went well, and I actually really fancied the man, I get hit with this again!
im getting tired of it, and wondering what I’m doing wrong.

The conversation flowed, we both took equal amount of time talking about ourselves, and he was so good looking. I can’t help but think I might be a bit of a catfish. We didn’t kiss at the end or anything and to be fair I didn’t really make a move and wish I did now.

I feel like I’ll never find anyone!

How honest and recent are your photos? Do you have at least one that is full length?

I used very every day photos when I dated and it made a big difference to my experiences compared to some of my friends that hadn't put recent and really honest photos up. There's no prizes for putting flattering photos up.

I doubt he looks like Brad Pitt though! Quit honestly if all he can see is your looks then hes just after a shag! Quite probably married or in a LTR .OLD is brutal .Maybe see any friends of friends going spare? People in real life get you as a whole ,

Do you have a few close friends that could serve as a mirror and you could ask to give you an honest appraisal of your personality and how you appear to others?

No offence meant but I used to work with a single woman who when she wasn't stating that she was very happy being single and that women didn't need men, would then spend all her time constantly bleating on about the fact that she didn't have a boyfriend. She did a lot of internet dating to very little avail. When I last heard of her she was still single.

I used to get a lot of staff complaining to be about her as her general demeanour was so entitled and authoritative and she like to tell everybody what to do (despite being in a low level position). Her general attitude was one of superiority, pushiness and know it allness (mostly blagging) that used to turn people off her. She used to walk over everyone else jobs as well as being manipulative.

As she hit her forties she was still single. I worked with her for about 10 years.

I always thought if only she had some inkling as to how awful her personality was and how she came across then she might have been able to change - although I feel that she would have just blamed the other person, as she was that type.

As a work colleague, I wasn't in the position to tell her. I just listened to a lot of people complaining about how awful she was.

We can all be better people and it is always useful to have people around us who care about us enough to tell us when we are being unreasonable or behaving badly. I don't think she had that. She had a brother, but she was the big sister.

This is no reflection on the OP. Just food for thought.

I just came on this forum as I had a second date just do this to me - thought it went well

You said you rushed to get ready after work. Were you still wearing white wellies and little hat from the Greggs pastie factory?

This!!! I’ve heard from many men on dating sites that when they’ve turned up for their previous dates, that the woman looks nothing like their pictures. The problem is women seem to use too many filters on their pictures to the point where they look nothing like they actually are on their pictures and think it’s ok to post these on their dating profile. Not saying you have done this OP but I’ve found this is the one of the main reasons most men tend to reject women on OLD.

This is the reason why you pay extra for ‘incognito’ or similar, and date multiple people until you find the one.

This guy has done absolutely nothing wrong! Why would you be so rude as to not reply?? I'd go with 'No worries, it was lovely to meet you - good luck'

It is depressing but I think it sounds like normal online dating. I met my husband online and before him I had many dates where either I didn’t want to take things further or the man didn’t. It’s not very nice to be rejected or to reject somebody else but it has to be done.

As to whether you are a catfish - I would look at whether you have a variety of photos. I had a few and my main one was my nicest photo, but the others included a full body shot and a photo of me which I knew wasn’t the best. I wouldn’t have loads of photos, but I think a small variety of realistic images is the way to go.

Good luck OP.

OP, I am not very photogenic and I use photos without filters etc. when I met my dates (I met LOADS) the first thing they said were how I was slimmer and much prettier than in my photos. That created positive goodwill for them (as they told me that normally the women looked way worse and older than in the photos, I looked better and younger) that I think 99% asked me for a second date (well I met about 200, not joking and only 2 didn't ask me for a second date). I think I met someone amazing now but I'm going slowly it's only been 9 months.
I think try this reverse technique and see if it works - don't look too different from your photos please or of course they are already negatively predisposed towards you

He's done nothing wrong but he is rejecting the OP. No need to reply at all. It's not like he's a friend of a friend and she might bump into him again. He's a total stranger. I would never reply to someone who is telling me they don't want to see me again. Keep yourself esteem up!

I thought men were supposed to be the “visual”

Yeah but that's a deeply flawed cliche.

Do you know many good looking men who lack partners?

Not a friend of mine but I know someone who goes on a date - any sign she’s up for a shag he shags and then ghosts - would you rather that. If you are worried - about of it is something you are doing ask a friend for honest feedback etc

me I make my boundaries super clear - feminist, not here for a shag, don’t need to be fixed

if they came got s shag they would be disappointed

Your self esteem is too low.

@UnconscionableSnacking

Beautiful post!

So are your photos a good likeness of you or not ? Please be honest

Definitely don't ask for feedback or send the other message. Even if you say you have thick skin you most likely won't get an honest answer.

Make sure you have the two basics covered - 1. That you show your full figure in your pictures and that they are fairly recent. This is just to prevent unrealistic expectations and save both of you the trouble. However, everyone who has OLD for a while of course realises that most likely the photos posted are the best photos, thats fine. You need to get matches after all. 2. As another posted, hygiene.

Outside of that its really not worth worrying about. Maybe he prefers more assertive, flirtatious women, but there's also men who prefer more submissive women who expect men to make the first move, so its not worth changing yourself over. Maybe you reminded him of an ex. Maybe he has really unrealistic standards and just treats OLD as a social activity. Maybe he's looking for a connection that reminds him of another love.

The point is, and I feel this way about not getting replies either, its really not worth stressing or thinking about. Just try not to get too invested early, and treat it like a numbers game. Eventually there will be plenty of otherwise lovely men that you'll also meet but not feel chemistry with for whatever reason.

Take this with a big pinch of salt. He's been honest enough to tell you there's no romantic attraction for him. You just gave to respect that and carry on. If a man is genuine why would he reject you before you potentially reject him. Men are not terrified of rejection, the whole point of dating is to find acceptance.