Non adhd partner are ableist

[Bsnsnsmsnsn]

Why are people that are married to adhd spouse ableist and mean why talking about their partners

X-posted with @wellhelloitsme

Same same.

No it’s not and your being ableist right now look up what adhd time blindness is not his fault even if they know the time they can still get distracted by other things and being late.You don’t know how the adhd brains work or how it feels to have it

I do have adhd. We aren't a monolith and we all experience symptoms individually and therefore have individual coping skills.

I don't know if you have adhd or not but as someone who does, it would feel a bit rich that you're coming on here saying people have no idea how the adhd brain works / how it feels to have it when for all you know we do...

Since meeting my DP who has ADHD, and wondering how his ex could have been so angry with him for his behaviour, it has come as a massive shock to realise that I may too have ADHD and am in the process of being assessed. I am dumbfounded by some of the ignorant things that family members say about ADHD, maybe there is something in the idea that if you are ND yourself, you have an instinctive tolerance for others?

Keeping my house keys in my shoes by the door (and only being allowed one pair of shoes near the door at a time) and training myself that the absolute last thing I do is put my shoes on, so my keys are in my hand, was a game changer for me.

Sorry locksmiths, no more call outs!

Op
I don't think you're going get people to agree with you that people with adhd should always be forgiven for being late because it's their adhd. Most people I know with adhd are the ones with twenty alarms and reminders set to leave the house as they know their tendency. I have Zero sympathy for people who are constantly late but make zero efforts to address it as 'they have a disability' and people should just accept it and embrace them.
I think not!!

DD (also ADHD) made me a 'spot' with keys, ID for work, phone, everything. Anyone who finds where I'd discarded my stuff puts it there. In the morning by, I empty it into my bag.

The system works!

I'd love to spend a day NT and see what's it's like. I can't imagine it.

Oh, MrsTerryPratchet what a wonderful family!

If you're reading nasty things online, stop doing it, it's making you feel bad.

They really are! I love them all a lot.

<weepy>

Also @Adhdwife you know what I’m talking about you wrong for that because he’s not nt really 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

OP for someone who feels fiercely defensive of people with ADHD you seem determined to ignore those of us with ADHD who have posted our thoughts and coping skills...

You have said you have to accept sometimes like time blindness. It would be lovely if everyone was accepted completely, but life is not like that. Some of our differences will be manageable to our partners, some will not. It is not ok to be mean, but it is ok to say that we cannot live with someone because of how they are. Disabilities and illnesses affect the people around us too and they have every right to feel however they feel, and to leave if they need to. It is selfish to expect anything else.

I honestly don't have the foggiest. Maybe go and have a nice cup of tea?

I completely agree with you and you have made excellent points here

The thing is you have to find a partner who views being Non NT as a different mind set and works with you, not acts like your a hinderance.

I'm not NT although not officially diagnosed (as there hasn't been a need) as of yet.

To a emotionally needy person I would drive them up the clackers because some stuff I just would not get - and probably I would find it very overwhelming tbh. However with the right person like my DH he gets I may not get certain things and we both find ways to meet in the middle.

I don't just go I have this habit of x that drives you bananas and you just gotta live with it because of Y and call him ablelist because that would be ridiculous.

I work with him to find a compromise that both of us can live with (without killing each other) and both of us giving ground to meet in the middle. Sometimes you have to be imaginative and have a good sense of humour.

Everyone has quirks, even from what I can see the NT crowd, it's about finding a person who can live with some of your quirks and find them endearing and working on the ones that drive your partner batty and use solutions to work around them.

Give and take. Also tbh I have MN quite good on the whole Nero diversity thing, but that maybe because I literally am missing all the subtle jabs that may happen (arguably I think my life is more peaceful for it tbh)

I wasn’t going to put this on but just going to add, my boyfriend has adhd without medication. I’ve read about 3 books on adhd to try and understand more, it takes 2 people in the relationship to work and grow together. OP you seem to be taking the stance of “this is how I am so take it or leave it”. In a relationship ADHD can manifest in a way that makes working together incredibly difficult, both parties need to adapt and use strategies which enable this

Completely agree

MN allows ableism. You just need to hide the threads.

Interesting that you’ve chosen to use the descriptor ‘normal’ to describe someone who doesn’t have ADHD?

Yeah it's quite ableist to say we aren't 'normal' if we have ADHD to be honest @Bsnsnsmsnsn

ADHD is a reason, not an excuse. I find it a life long struggle but I have timers, calendars, medication, meal plans, and a lot of time blocked out to just recover & rest.

Once you’ve found a system that works then it works. But things over-ride that system like depression, grief, trauma, exhaustion, poor health, alcohol, stress etc. You need to see if anything like this may be playing a role? You sound so unhappy and maybe something is causing a spiral?

Is your DH giving you grief about your condition?

I still don’t get what this thread is about?

There will always be people putting in their 2p about ND. There are still people who believe ADHD is just bad parenting and ASD is over diagnosed. You have to learn to have a thick skin about these things because there will always be people like that. ADHD can be debilitating, I know it’s caused endless issues in my life and I wish I were diagnosed and treated as a kid and maybe life would’ve been different, it’s easy to feel attacked and hard done by OP. The reality is living with ADHD is hard, for the sufferers and the family, I’m a nightmare to live with, although better with reminders and calendars etc (when I remember to do the reminders 😂)

People should have an outlet to moan about their ND partners, it’s not easy.

Dont you dare presume to tell me what i do and dont know about adhd given all of my siblings suffer it and my partner and step child. I live it constantly. Amazingly many people with adhd seek the support to live productive lives. Some choose not to.

Thats lovely. I try and do this for dp, i make sure his clothes are ironed and matching hung on the wardrobe door so he can get ready straight away, i usually will run him a bath and plus the hairdryer in, set all his alarms, fill his diary and locate his keys, vape, wallet for him whilst he potters around.

I shouldn't baby him so much but honest to god we would never leave the house at all.