Non adhd partner are ableist

[Bsnsnsmsnsn]

Why are people that are married to adhd spouse ableist and mean why talking about their partners

Dosent matter if it’s difficult don’t go bashing them and talking shit

So people aren't allowed to complain about their partner?

Why not? I complain about my mum, my kids and my sister...

No if they have a disability if they can’t help it how it make them feel when you talk shit and say awful stuff like I should have chose someone who is healthy if you ah e to talk shot about your partner to be with them then leave

Has someone said this to you, Op?

I agree with pp, if someone feels the need to vent in an anonymous forum about their relationship difficulties (whether to do with ADHD / MH issues or anything else) then that's OK. But if they are being rude, name calling, treating someone as 'lesser' then that's wrong.

There one user on another website saying that she wish their adhd husband died because she can’t stand living with them like wtf

No but I saw on s website called dc urban mom and dad when they were belittling them for their problems and I have seen on Reddit

I’m not only talking about mumsnet I’m talking about in general like Reddit and Facebook groups

Reddit and Facebook are not exactly representative of the world and the comments can sometimes be written to goad people or a keyboard warrior decides to get stuck in with a whole load of crap because they find it amusing in some way. I’d ignore it - it’s not a scientific or proper researched study of spousal attitudes towards neurodivergence in their relationship.

Mine's great. The only NT in a sea of ADHD here. I think even the dog is trauma impacted, bless him!

@Bsnsnsmsnsn You're mistaken. I have never said anything like that. DH can be a pain in the arse at times but I love him and don't wish him dead! And I'm not on other websites talking about it.

Is adhd a disability? I was unaware

I have anxiety and wouldn’t be offended at all if my partner posted asking advice etc

again I haven’t seen anything on here that warrants your comments. If you are talking about fb etc that’s a difference forum

im not sure what exactly you are hoping from this thread OP? What is it you want everyone to say??

Someone with ADHD can do stupid dangerous and impulsive things at times and that will have a direct impact on their partner. You’d have to be a saint not to feel negatively about that at times, surely that’s not reasonable to expect?
If ADHD partner impulsively spends money meaning not enough left for rent or food is non ADHD partner supposed to be okay with that?

Just seen the above posts, I haven’t seen the specific thread on the person you specially refer to

Hmmm I am not sure this discussion will do much good to be honest.

I have adhd. I also cared for my mum who had mental health problems that were disability. So been on both sides.

I think you are underestimating how would destroying it can be for the ND or non disabled person. After years of making allowances and coping sometimes it gets too much and people need slaves they can talk about that.

Telling people they can not, doesn’t stop them feeling the way they do. Even when they know their partner can’t help it. So trying to shame them into keeping it to themselves means they have no one to support them. Often leading to more resentment or MH problems like depression.

In a perfect world all people would be able to cope perfectly with their partner being ND or disabled in anyway. In Real life it’s not like that. And yes, some people can feel they can not cope with it anymore. Those people deserve a place to talk too. People can regret getting married for any reason. Trying to make people stay married when they have got to breaking point, doesn’t work.

Trying to force people to keep it all to themselves and not admit they are struggling isn’t the answer.

Maybe take your own advice and leave your spouse if you are unhappy.

Its not up to the NT partner to shoulder the burden all the time when the ADHD partner does absolutely nothing to address the issues or get better help. My dp has ADHD and suspected other issues and no its fucking infuriating being late to everything simply because he refuses to leave the house until he decides to, alongside other issues.

It. It his fault he has time blindness stop getting mad

It’s not his fault he has time blindness

But he lives in a neurotypical would that wouldn’t function if no one was on time.

It is his fault. Its entirely his fault. He knows the time. He knows how time works. He knows how long it takes to get to places. He still makes a decision to refuse to leave on time. That is all his fault. Having ADHD doesnt stop him getting help to improve this he chooses to continue. This is an issue that affects the entire family.

No it’s not and your being ableist right now look up what adhd time blindness is not his fault even if they know the time they can still get distracted by other things and being late.You don’t know how the adhd brains work or how it feels to have it

My son uses multiple alarms and allows extra time to get everywhere. Does your DP?

The thing is, we all have things we struggle with and we have to use strategies to manage. Though of course there will still be mistakes.

There's a woman on here who has the most amazing colour coordinated calendar system that keeps her organised despite severe ADHD.

She's inspirational. I keep meaning to set up similar, but am still just starting!

@Bsnsnsmsnsn

I have adhd and have had to learn coping mechanisms and skills that allow me to function in areas I naturally struggle with.

Time blindness is absolutely real, yes.

But adults all have a responsibility to try to learn coping skills related to any things they find difficult that have a knock on effect on others.

I have to have a million alarms and lists and lots of other things and have had to train myself to make them part of a routine and stick to the routine even though it's exhausting and feels very hard for someone like me with ADHD.

It means I can be as productive and calm as is possible and that I'm a team player at home because I'm doing my best.

I also have bipolar. If I didn't take my bipolar meds I would be incredibly well. So I take them. And have counselling to keep on top of my self regulation. I wouldn't just say well I'm bipolar so it's not my fault if I do / say / won't (insert thing here) because while it's true that having bipolar of ADHD isn't my fault, my management of those conditions is my responsibility.

No it’s not and your being ableist right now look up what adhd time blindness is not his fault even if they know the time they can still get distracted by other things and being late.You don’t know how the adhd brains work or how it feels to have it

I have ADHD and time blindness. I use calendars, reminders, I put notes on my keyboard or in front of things, multiple alarms, leave really way too early rather than late. There's a joke in my house that I get anxious when I'm 'late for being early'.

Refusing to manage your own differences isn't the answer.