Husband cheated AND suddenly says monogamy is difficult for him

[Askingforme]

Hi, this summer I found out my husband was having an affair with a woman 20
years younger than me. I know her and see her often. It’s very painful. He cut it off when I found out and wants to stay together, but I feel so humiliated and deceived. To add insult to injury, he told me a few weeks before I found out about his affair that he longed to be non-monogamous. After 17 years together! After I found out about his affair, he keeps saying being monogamous seems like a hard thing you have to do to be married, but he will be, just for me.
But I hate that! If he has such a hard time with monogamy, just get a divorce!
But he says: no, he loves me and wants to stay with me. We have two kids.
So I have to deal with his betrayal AND the fact that monogamy (with me) is all of a sudden such a hard thing for him. I just hate all this. Feel bad and angry and sad every day. But I am scared to divorce. What would you do?

I’d divorce. But dhs cousin is a divorce barrister.

But he says: no, he loves me and wants to stay with me

Not his fucking choice. Tell him he can fuck off and cheat on people as much as he likes.

If he thinks the act of monogamy is the problem here then he's missing the point

Oh the poor man, my heart fucking bleeds for him.

LTFB

Cake and eat it is the word that springs to mind.

Tell him to fuck off

I wouldn’t give him the choice to stay with you. This is a precursor to him have affair after affair and you trying to turn a blind eye like a dutiful wife. No thank you!

You need to initiate a divorce.

Divorce him; he’s cheated on you

This. I would file for divorce.

Faithful was his vow -he broke it.

Being scared to divorce pales in comparison to being married to a scumbag cheater for the rest of your life. Who will cheat again, btw.

Why would you settle for someone who so clearly disrespects you?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph what a fucking prize. Honestly, I would divorce him and let him shag about to his hearts content.

Well he's shot himself in the foot hasn't he? Let's see how easy it is for him to get with other woman when he has sole 24/7 care of his DC half of every week.
Point that out to him now the marriage is presumably over.

"Oh waaa. It's too difficult for me not to put my penis in another woman. How is one meant to achieve such a feat?"

Take him to the cleaners OP. He'll definitely cheat on you again.

i would do this…

I would walk away with my self-respect, start a new chapter in my life being grateful I’d had a lucky escape.

tgiswill eat you up, you’ll end up bitter & sad & that is not good for you or your children.

Ugh, I had one of these once. Said he wanted an open relationship, so I said 'okay, let's go for it' and started seeing other men. Being young, fit and female it was really easy for me, but not so much for him. He thought he'd be out seeing any woman he wanted to, but sadly for him, it didn't work out that way at all and the poor lamb then started moaning he couldn't get it up any more. I left him to his moaning and swiftly moved on. Get rid, asap.

I would divorce rather than stay with someone who not only betrayed me but hurt me, how can you ever trust him again?

sorry but you have a choice too. He has likely also realised divorce may affect his bank balance so would rather stick at it whilst seeing other people. His previous monogamy speel was to justify his cheating. He hasn't shown any remorse and I wouldn't trust him ever again, You should have asked him to leave for a few weeks to allow you to think about what it is 'you' want.

I'd want out of the relationship. He is basically telling you he can't be trusted and putting it all on you. You deserve much more.

he keeps saying being monogamous seems like a hard thing you have to do to be married, but he will be, just for me

Tragic and funny at the same time. 'Just for you' - LUCKY YOU EH?! Bloodyhell. Hehasn't been monogamous and he probbaly won't be in future. He will simply pretend to be whilst he makes you feel like he's doing a favour.

What he wants is a nice wifey and family at home whilst he shags someone else who's 20 years younger (he's had a taste of it now, thinks he can 'pull' someone this age, so ignoring this will be harder). Even better if he occasionally shags you as well.

When discussing this non-monogamy, has he once mentioned that this would also apply to you if you decided this for your relationship?

He will continue to ruin your self esteem and mental health until you tell him to fuck off.

Unbelievable! Divorce is hard but living with this man will also be very hard. I know which is the best option and I hope you do too.

What would I do??

1. I would cut his balls off. With a spoon
2. I would divorce him, using the most shit hot lawyer I could find.

ok, so maybe 1. Is in jest (maybe!) But honestly, nowhere to go here OP. Monogamy is hard? Maybe it is, but it’s nowhere near as hard as being married to a self centred, entitled, cockend. I very rarely go with LTB, but in this case? LTB immediately.

Call his bluff? Say his infidelity got you thinking and you've decided you now want an open relationship possibly starting tomorrow morning with the milkman/your hot colleague/your ex (delete as applicable)...

I wonder what his reaction would be? 🤔

In all seriousness however I think you know what you need to do.

What an utter twat! Divorce.

Assuming it works both ways, you’re going to have way more men lining up than he is..

Obviously being flippant - divorce is the answer.