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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Caught my boyfriend cheating with men

65 replies

Ez985 · 12/09/2022 07:25

So last night I caught my boyfriend of 7 years cheating, again. This time with men. As far as I knew he was 100% straight. He left me last year for another woman for example, never known him to watch gay porn and is very woman obsessed sexually, loves bums, boobs etc. always chatting up the women. A proper lads lad and ladies man. I am a little taken back of course but I’m not angry. He’s my best friend and still will be no matter what. The reason I bring myself here is because 1. I have nobody I can tell that I can trust with this 2. I want to know, do I confront him? Or do I wait for him to come out and tell me when he decides what he wants? I have a brother who is gay so I know how sensitive the subject can be.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 12/09/2022 07:29

I don’t think the fact that it’s men is relevant, he’s cheated. Get an STI check and question why you continue to stay.

MolliciousIntent · 12/09/2022 07:29

KangarooKenny · 12/09/2022 07:29

I don’t think the fact that it’s men is relevant, he’s cheated. Get an STI check and question why you continue to stay.

Precisely this

carefullycourageous · 12/09/2022 07:30

Your priorities are wrong, you need to think about yourself and the practicalities of breaking up. I would not go shouting about anyone's sexuality but you don't need to worry about who he chooses to tell going forwards. You can tell your support people why you broke up, that's fine.

Just tell him you are ending it and focus on yourself.

carefullycourageous · 12/09/2022 07:31

He’s my best friend and still will be no matter what. No, he's not. He's your unfaithful, lying STBX.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 12/09/2022 07:32

I'm struggling to see why he's best friend material (needless to say he is definitely not partner material!) - he has treated you like shit!

GreenGreenGrassBlue · 12/09/2022 07:35

So he’s cheated on you before and the bottom line is he’s cheated on you again. I wouldn’t worry about him! He’s the liar and once again he’s put you in danger through his sexual activity.

You need to get an STI test fast. Then shut him out of your life. Personally I wouldn’t care who I trusted passed on this news you have a right to speak to those close to you.

plus I would never want any thing to do with him again!

and don’t compare your brother to him. They’re different people it doesn’t matter he’s also Gay and your brother is! Doesn’t suddenly make what he’s done right because he’s Gay.

Dery · 12/09/2022 07:37

OP - why are you hanging on to a relationship with a man who left you last year for a woman and has now cheated with a man?

sidewayswalking · 12/09/2022 07:38

I want to know, do I confront him? Or do I wait for him to come out and tell me when he decides what he wants?

Sometimes I think I live on another planet. This man has cheated on you multiple times and you think waiting for him to decide what he wants is an option?

Fuck that.

You think he is your best friend? He is a dirty, lying, cheating bastard who had no respect for you.

Get rid of him and get yourself an STI check along with some self respect.

J0y · 12/09/2022 07:40

He's your best friend??
Please be your own best friend so you can start to protect yourself.
You deserve better.
Please believe that.

ChaToilLeam · 12/09/2022 07:42

Dump this cheating shitbag and cut him out of your life! I think you need to examine why your standards for relationships are so very low.

DillonPanthersTexas · 12/09/2022 07:46

I want to know, do I confront him? Or do I wait for him to come out and tell me when he decides what he wants?

Jesus wept. What you do is take control and end the relationship, today. The only thing to salvage from this carwreck is your self worth. Once you have unpicked yourself from this dickhead spend some quality time working on YOU, your self esteem, your confidence and general well-being.

klipwa · 12/09/2022 07:48

STI check and end it. His sexuality is irrelevant. He has cheated on you twice (that you know about) and possibly more.

BudgetBlast · 12/09/2022 07:53

What way were relationships modelled for you as a child? What has made this stuff (being cheated on with women or men) acceptable to you? The fact he was with a man is a complete red herring, you are behaving as a people pleaser and that means he sees you as a doormat he can do anything too. You deserve better though once you can see it. Deal with that and in the long run you will choose better, nicer partners.

NotaCoolMum · 12/09/2022 07:54

With a “Best friend” like him I’d hate to see who your enemies are.

why are you being so passive about this?! You’re waiting for him to “tell you what he wants”….. this is absolutely heartbreaking. You need to take a SERIOUS look inside yourself and give yourself a kick up the arse. You deserve more than this!!

dalisdrippingclock · 12/09/2022 07:57

Why would someone who lies to you and deceives you be your best friend?

LuckyLil · 12/09/2022 07:57

I'd also agree your priorities are all wrong on this and it makes me wonder what you must have put up with from men in your life if you're prepared to tolerate such low standards. Raise the bar.

Here's how your post reads:

'My boyfriend treats me like shit but I don't care anyway because he's my best friend'.

Just a benchmark for future reference - you can usually recognise best friends because they don't cheat on you with other people. They treat you with dignity and respect because they value you as a person.

AquaticSewingMachine · 12/09/2022 07:57

If he's seeing men in secret he could well expose you to HIV.

Break up with him and get thee to the sexual health clinic for the love of God!

JubileeTissues · 12/09/2022 07:58

Best friend? Jesus wept, he's vile to you. He puts your health at risk and shows you zero loyalty or respect.

Get rid of him completely and raise your standards.

BecauseICan22 · 12/09/2022 08:08

Ez985 · 12/09/2022 07:25

So last night I caught my boyfriend of 7 years cheating, again. This time with men. As far as I knew he was 100% straight. He left me last year for another woman for example, never known him to watch gay porn and is very woman obsessed sexually, loves bums, boobs etc. always chatting up the women. A proper lads lad and ladies man. I am a little taken back of course but I’m not angry. He’s my best friend and still will be no matter what. The reason I bring myself here is because 1. I have nobody I can tell that I can trust with this 2. I want to know, do I confront him? Or do I wait for him to come out and tell me when he decides what he wants? I have a brother who is gay so I know how sensitive the subject can be.

You talk about his previous cheating with such ease and then go on to state he's your best friend?

What the hell!

Find your worth, leave him and don't look back. Let him be a 'ladies' or 'mans' man at the expense of his own health and wellbeing.

Get yourself a sexual health screen and seriously, raise your bar!!!!! The man is utter trash, regardless of who he is or has created with.

1994girl · 12/09/2022 08:17

Like many others are saying on here, I don't understand why you are still in this relationship.

21secondstogo · 12/09/2022 08:18

What, so you want to stay with him? And continue having sex with him?

onedayiwillmissthis · 12/09/2022 08:25

Surely you mean STBX not Bf.

He cheats. He lies. He doesn't respect you. Don't put up with this shit.

MMmomDD · 12/09/2022 08:35

You have known him for 7 years?
I wonder what else you don’t know about him….

Novum · 12/09/2022 08:36

I am a little taken back of course but I’m not angry

Is that seriously your response to being cheated on?

Bestsinglemumever · 12/09/2022 08:44

Yes girl, if he’s the man for you then he’d get on 1 knee and propose!
Feel so bad for you but if it ain’t right then it gonna work. x