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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to get an an abusive boyfriend out of your house

98 replies

Nickwinkle · 10/09/2022 12:10

I've had enough. 4 hours sat in the rain yesterday after walking out of my house just to get away from the screaming has pushed me over the edge.

I need to get him away and I don't know how. He's upstairs, I don't want to speak to him or see him and I'm worried how he'll react if I tell him to leave.

I have no friends nearby and I have no family. I don't have anyone that could come support me. I feel trapped and I'm scared.

OP posts:

TallulahTumeric · 10/09/2022 14:05

He has no right to reside in your house. You have every right to tell him to leave.

Contact your local domestic abuse charity immediately. They will help you. You don't have to wait until Monday.

I hope it's resolved quickly and easily. ❤

Original poster

Nickwinkle · 10/09/2022 14:06

Dery · 10/09/2022 14:00

Do NOT let on that you’re looking to get him out. He may do something with the pets. I would also ask MNHQ to remove the reference to the pets and his job because that information makes you and him quite easy to identify.

I have done

OP posts:

uncomfortablydumb53 · 10/09/2022 14:07

I'm sorry to hear this op
How dare he treat you like this!
As he's there and you don't want you speak to him, you need assistance to remove him.
The best way is to call the police and say he refuses to leave Your property
Without your consent he has no rights to remain Please do take action now, you will feel the weight lift from your shoulders
If you feel unsafe get out then call the police, as he will have to leave
You deserve better. Stay strong op

Original poster

Nickwinkle · 10/09/2022 14:09

This is a small property. If I ring them then he'll hear and I don't want him to kick off. He will say I'm unreasonable for ringing them and I know it.

OP posts:

MrsMontyD · 10/09/2022 14:10

Don't leave the house unless you're leaving it secure, leaving him in possession is just another nightmare and he could trash the place.

I would contact the police today, he has been abusive, he's made threats to kill and you are unsafe, they will act. Make sure you say he's made that's to kill and you feel unsafe on a phone, ideally on a phone call initially as they're taped.

They will be able to come while he's at work and advise on security, also on what to do with the spiders. There will be someone who will be to collect them and keep them safe for him.

I would also contact a solicitor for advice on taking out an order to prevent him harassing you further.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 10/09/2022 14:10

Do not worry about locks or anything else right now
Your name is on the deeds and what you say goes. You don't even need a reason. He's an unwanted guest in your home

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 10/09/2022 14:12

OP I’m going to PM you, I may be able to help you with some of the nonsense he is spewing. I’m sorry you are so frightened, i speak from experience when I say I understand how terrified you must be.

TwoWeeksislong · 10/09/2022 14:13

You don’t need to exaggerate OP. He’s threatened to kill you and has puched the door in front of you. He regularly screams at you. You’re not asking them to charge him with anything. You’re just asking for advice and back up on how to safely end your relationship and get him out of your house.

pinkyredrose · 10/09/2022 14:16

Can you leave the house and call the police from a phone box?

Original poster

Nickwinkle · 10/09/2022 14:19

I can leave the house but only by feet. His car blocks in mine. He's already very angry with me for walking out yesterday and 'disappearing' for 4 hours.

OP posts:

MingeofDeath · 10/09/2022 14:28

Can you get in touch with the police via email?

Always4Brenner · 10/09/2022 14:32

Hugs I can’t offer much but police etc as others have done. I hope you get him out he’s dangerous verbally and mentally.

firstmummy2019 · 10/09/2022 14:33

It's enough that he is staying in your house without you wanting him there. Go to the police and explain everything. They take these threats seriously.

Kellie45 · 10/09/2022 14:35

You call the police on you tell him he is threatening violence and abuse and you want him out of your house but he is refusing to leave. They must come and help you.

dapsnotplimsolls · 10/09/2022 14:44

I think you need to leave the house (say you're popping to the shops or whatever) and ring Women's Aid and/or the police today.

userxx · 10/09/2022 14:45

Coercive control is taken very seriously, you need to speak to the police and they can put things in place.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/09/2022 14:48

Definitely call the police. They take these threats very seriously.

Sending you virtual hugs and support

daffodilandtulip · 10/09/2022 14:59

You can contact the police on their website and on Facebook messenger.

Goldbar · 10/09/2022 15:00

I am sorry you are going through this. If you're afraid to leave the house because of his behaviour, I think you need to contact the police as soon as you can, by email if need be.

Caroffee · 10/09/2022 15:12

This sort of behaviour escalates and he will become physically violent. Consult with the police and follow their advice but I imagine packing up all his stuff and changing the locks, installing a camera etc will feature in their advice.

AprilRae91 · 10/09/2022 15:13

You can ask the police to come and see him out

AprilRae91 · 10/09/2022 15:18

If you have family in the midlands could someone not travel up, if you feel you need moral support? Don’t be afraid to tell your family what is happening.

pinkyredrose · 10/09/2022 15:18

What animals does he have, do they need a heated tank?

AprilRae91 · 10/09/2022 15:21

Just seen you are NC with family. If you need support from someone other than police do you have a friend or a kind neighbour who you would trust?

girlmom21 · 10/09/2022 15:27

Can you tell him you're cooking something for tea and need him to pop to the shop? Will he?

Then text him while he's gone saying it's over and to give you a forwarding address for his things and please not to return to his house.

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