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Original poster

You’re never too old to lose a parent…

60 replies

PerfectPictureFrame · 09/09/2022 21:26

Over the last 36 hours since the Queen died, I’ve been really teary and overly emotional and I couldn’t quite work out why.

Tonight, watching the new King’s speech, as he talked about his ‘dear mama’, I suddenly realised what was going on with me. I lost my own mum 18 months ago. She was an amazing, feisty, loving character and also my best friend. She was also going strong up until 24 hours before her sudden death which devastated us all.

I think no matter how old you are, you’ll never be ‘grown up’ enough to lose a parent.

So, this is just a thread to remember our mums and dads. If you’ve a lost a parent that you loved and there’s things you’d like to say about them, then here’s a thread to do it.

OP posts:
EATmum · 09/09/2022 21:37

It's definitely triggered a lot of sadness and memories of my mum. She died earlier this year and was just brilliant. I miss her every day.

Successgirl2022 · 09/09/2022 21:43

King's Charles speech was very deep and emotional today and when his father Prince Philip died in April 2021.

My thoughts were: 'God, save my Mum as long as possible.' She is 63 (I am 43).

Successgirl2022 · 09/09/2022 21:44

My sympathy to all of you who lost any of your parents.

stayathomer · 09/09/2022 21:46

I saw someone say on a thread about how they would have loved to have spoken about this with their mum, who had passed a few months ago and it’s like it’s unleashed something-I can’t stop thinking about it

Tiredmum100 · 09/09/2022 21:48

I'm fortunate enough to not have lost either of my parents yet, but I agree. You're never too old to loose a parent.

HorribleHerstory · 09/09/2022 21:49

It always makes me do a double take when I’m talking to someone adult and they mention their Mom or Dad. It sounds like they are saying something very childish to my ears. I have to remind myself it’s actually reletively normal to have parents and be an adult (mine were gone by my early 20s)

Having parents until your 70s is mind boggling to me. I don’t know what those relationships would look like

mrsanflowerpot · 09/09/2022 21:50

I lost my mum at 19 (she was 43) and dad at 35 (he was 60). I still weep for both. You're/they're never too young or too old.

Googlecanthelpme · 09/09/2022 21:52

I’m 3 years into it and it’s very hard. I am really good at regulating my emotions and I don’t do a lot of dwelling but I feel the loss so deeply and it’s so heavy.
I sometimes have a good cry and other times I just stare out of the window and try to find peace with it all.
loss is so very very hard. Grief is surely the truest most “real” human emotion.

YellowPlumbob · 09/09/2022 21:53

It was only a decade ago that I lost my Great Grandmothers - both on my paternal side. Watching my in their 70s Grandparents bury their mothers was a very surreal experience. My Grandfathers father died when I was 8 (so 20 years before his mother) and my Grandmothers father died when she was in her late teens, so before my own father even existed!

SaltyCrisp · 09/09/2022 21:53

It's the circle of life. Having lost my mum as a teen I think those who have their parents around into adulthood are very fortunate. Charles is fine - he's 73!!!

Flyingbymypants · 09/09/2022 21:55

My absolutely lovely mummy died very suddenly 2 years ago. She had just turned 74. The Queen's death has stirred up so many emotions.

I can only hope they are up there together, enjoying a sherry.

disappear · 09/09/2022 22:00

When my DF died, I was 40 years old. I felt like a child who needed her daddy.

Someone who was giving away lucky heather in the city centre told my DM that she would live to be 94. A big part of me believes this. She is currently 79.

FictionalCharacter · 09/09/2022 22:03

It’s especially painful losing the second parent. Suddenly you have no parents. It’s a big life stage that you go through and it’s a painful one. Being an older person yourself doesn’t make it easier, they were still your mum and dad and they’re gone. If they weren’t great parents that doesn’t make it easier either.

I’ve never been a big fan of Charles but I do feel sorry for him. He’s lost his parents and on top of that he knows the Queen was more popular than he is. He’s been flung straight in to the official duties of being king with no space to grieve privately. I know he’s been prepared for this transition all his life, but that doesn’t help him with the grief.

Darbs76 · 09/09/2022 22:06

It’s 4yrs since my dad died. I’ve done very well I’ve felt, I always wondered why I’d break down. I read the Eulogy perfectly and friends thought I was too held together. I’ve never had a massive breakdown though, but as time goes on I find I miss him more. So it’s got harder over time as it gets further and further away from when I last saw and spoke to him. My mum is still in good health and I hope that continues for as long as possible

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/09/2022 22:09

stayathomer · 09/09/2022 21:46

I saw someone say on a thread about how they would have loved to have spoken about this with their mum, who had passed a few months ago and it’s like it’s unleashed something-I can’t stop thinking about it

Yes, my DM was a difficult person and not at all warm towards me, but this week’s events are the sort of thing she would have reached out about. I keep thinking about what her take on it would have been.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/09/2022 22:34

Yes, my Mum would have been phoning me giving me a running commentary of these ongoing events if she’d still been alive. She would have ‘loved’ the funeral, all the pomp etc and would have told me all about Queen Mary of Teck etc.
The week after Diana died (before I had a mobile), she’d phone me in the office (during my lunch hour) with a little update on the plans etc. I’ll never forget her telling me ‘Elton John is even performing, The Queen will not be impressed’.

Brightstar29 · 09/09/2022 22:47

My mum died 3 years ago when I was 26 she was 62 I miss her so much, I’m jealous of everyone who still has their mum x

DorotheaDiamond · 09/09/2022 22:51

My dad died in 1989 when he was 47. I think I’m crying for him now

Fizbosshoes · 09/09/2022 22:58

HorribleHerstory · 09/09/2022 21:49

It always makes me do a double take when I’m talking to someone adult and they mention their Mom or Dad. It sounds like they are saying something very childish to my ears. I have to remind myself it’s actually reletively normal to have parents and be an adult (mine were gone by my early 20s)

Having parents until your 70s is mind boggling to me. I don’t know what those relationships would look like

I think the same about adults with grandparents. That feels quite alien to me. 2 of my GPS died before I was born and the other 2 when I was a toddler. My parents died when I was 33 (mum was 64) and 41 (dad was 81)
I feel very envious that some of my peers had their grandparents longer than I had my parents.

Agree with PP - I feel sorry for Charles having to do Royal duties, visits, meetings and address the nation/world as King ....less than 24 hours after his mother has died. No time to process or mourn. And, it sounds silly but the tiredness of grief hit me like a ton of bricks I couldn't believe how exhausting it was when my mum died (and I was 40 years younger than Charles!)

StarbucksSmarterSister · 09/09/2022 23:08

You definitely are not too old. My parents were both gone before I hit my late 30s (my Dad was in his 50s) but, although I massively envy someone like Charles who had decades longer with his parents than I did with mine, it doesn't mean the grief is any less.

Hotpinkangel19 · 09/09/2022 23:10

I lost both my parents within 11 weeks off each other, when I was 33, and pregnant. The worst time of my life. So much has happened in the 5 years they have been gone. I'd give anything to have them back.

Fusillage · 09/09/2022 23:12

stayathomer · 09/09/2022 21:46

I saw someone say on a thread about how they would have loved to have spoken about this with their mum, who had passed a few months ago and it’s like it’s unleashed something-I can’t stop thinking about it

I lost my Mum last year and I really wish I could have spoken to her about it (well, about everything really). I find it surprising (and yet resonate with it entirely) that the death of her Maj is reminding people of their personal losses so much. I think it signifies to seismic nature of the change which so many people get. Of course there are loads that don’t at all….

Vallmo47 · 09/09/2022 23:18

It’s been raw for me and I lost my mum/best friend over 14 years ago. Seeing Charles’ grief stricken face and hearing him calling them Mama and Papa sent me over the edge. He did so well in his speech but to have to get through that a day after losing his second parent… he’s grown massively in my eyes. At the end of the day he’s just a man who has lost both parents in a very short amount of time. He was lucky to have them for such a long time, I was 26 when mum died. Grief never ends, it merely changes. ♥️

Icecreamandapplepie · 09/09/2022 23:26

💐

Clairejay34 · 09/09/2022 23:35

@Hotpinkangel19 how awful I'm so sorry. I lost my dad when I was 27 and pregnant, can't even imagine losing my mum too.