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Original poster

You’re never too old to lose a parent…

60 replies

PerfectPictureFrame · 09/09/2022 21:26

Over the last 36 hours since the Queen died, I’ve been really teary and overly emotional and I couldn’t quite work out why.

Tonight, watching the new King’s speech, as he talked about his ‘dear mama’, I suddenly realised what was going on with me. I lost my own mum 18 months ago. She was an amazing, feisty, loving character and also my best friend. She was also going strong up until 24 hours before her sudden death which devastated us all.

I think no matter how old you are, you’ll never be ‘grown up’ enough to lose a parent.

So, this is just a thread to remember our mums and dads. If you’ve a lost a parent that you loved and there’s things you’d like to say about them, then here’s a thread to do it.

OP posts:

Musicaltheatremum · 10/09/2022 19:19

It was my mum's funeral yesterday. Our family had just all gathered on Thursday as the news of the Queen's death broke. It's certainly very hard. My mum was 86 but fit and healthy before her final illness that killed her over 3 months. My husband's mum is 97 so I feel robbed.

Gotanewname · 10/09/2022 19:20

Actually this has also reminded me of something I’ve not thought of for many years: my own mum absolutely sobbing at the end of her DF’s funeral, her mum had died some years earlier, and saying “I’m an orphan now”…she was in her 50s. She’s not generally given to melodrama and I tbh I recall at the time I thought it was a bit dramatic. I rather get it now though.

mrsdolittle · 10/09/2022 19:39

Thank you for this thread OP.

I lost DM just over a year ago. She was 90 and died of covid. I think only now am I beginning to grieve properly for her.

Absolutely don't feel grown up enough to have lost my parents (DF died about 13 years ago) which is a bit ridiculous really as I'm 54!

I realise I was lucky to have them both for so long really. But in some ways I don't think I became a proper adult until I lost them.

2020firsttimemum · 10/09/2022 19:44

I was 21 when I lost my mum nearly 7 years ago...
I especially find it harder in the more recent years but I always find these things triggering and make me miss her more.

I had my first baby in 2020 and I'm pregnant now with my second and I so SO wish I could of had her here to experience this with me 💔

glittereyelash · 21/09/2022 15:03

I lost my mam two years ago. I'm still devastated 💔. She was only 60.I miss her so badly 😢

Musicaltheatremum · 21/09/2022 16:45

Yddraigoldragon · 10/09/2022 01:16

I lost my mother 3 weeks ago, her funeral was yesterday. Well today still I guess as I still can’t sleep. It’s hard… everyone’s emotions are triggering mine. All the usual ways of taking your mind off it, here, fb, tv, news etc are all full of sorrow and I am struggling :(

@Yddraigoldragon you must have lost your mum about the same time as me 21/8 and funeral was 9/9 I understand how you're feeling. I'm back to work now and it's very tough. Hope you're doing ok.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 22/09/2022 16:07

FictionalCharacter · 09/09/2022 22:03

It’s especially painful losing the second parent. Suddenly you have no parents. It’s a big life stage that you go through and it’s a painful one. Being an older person yourself doesn’t make it easier, they were still your mum and dad and they’re gone. If they weren’t great parents that doesn’t make it easier either.

I’ve never been a big fan of Charles but I do feel sorry for him. He’s lost his parents and on top of that he knows the Queen was more popular than he is. He’s been flung straight in to the official duties of being king with no space to grieve privately. I know he’s been prepared for this transition all his life, but that doesn’t help him with the grief.

I agree with this. I'm in my 50s, my father died 17 months ago, and my Mum 3 years ago. I didn't have a great relationship with them, but it's very strange to suddenly have no 'older generation ' above you. Very unsettling, I feel sort of rootless.

dogmum93 · 22/09/2022 16:10

Absolutely agree OP. My FIL passed away a couple of years ago, and an older colleague offered me some pearls of wisdom and said that it doesn't matter how old you are, losing a parent always feels like the end of the world. He retired and then sadly suddenly passed away himself 3 months into his retirement, leaving behind a loving wife and 3 children in their 20s. Heartbreaking. These last week's have definitely dragged up alot of emotions for the whole nation.

nokitchen · 22/09/2022 17:52

My dad died when I was in my twenties. I missed him enormously for years. He was a well man in his early sixties and it was very sudden.

Mum died earlier this year. She was in her nineties and had had years of ill health. I had years of taking her to the toilet, pushing her in a wheelchair, doing everything for her. In the last few years she had dementia which meant she didn't know who I was. I didn't grieve her when she died because it was her time and it was a relief for me.

RaspberryFlavourOwl · 22/09/2022 18:06

Yes I agree completely but I'd also say that losing your parents when you're in your 70s is a whole different ball game to losing them when you're in your 20s or 30s.

My parents died when I was 47. It was hard and it still is. But I was fortunate to have had them for so long. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a parent but it especially goes to to anyone who's lost a parent young.

Losing your mum and dad when they're well into their 90s is sad. But it's not a tragedy

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