My bf and f 50 absolutely hates any form of disagreement or argument .

[conservationcontract]

We've only ever had approximately four in our two years together and he almost runs away.
He cannot handle any form of disharmony or upset.
He almost cowers.
He is not afraid of me of course but he shuts down and then comes round when he has settled himself.
I find it so weird.
I'm desensitised to it now because I think it's so immature and pathertic and I certainly don't run after him. I continue with my life and don't feed into it.
He comes back when he is ready to talk.
Any tips dealing with this ?

I withdraw because my emotional balance has been topped sideways and it takes all my energy to restore it.

It’s not ‘manipulative’ behaviour. I’ve got lots of MH problems and fear of conflict. I wish l could recover in an hour or so. I used to be able to when younger. But now any row takes me a few days to get back in stride.

Previous experience can explain reactions to stress, but it doesn't excuse them if those reactions in turn damage others.

I could easily have behaved similarly to the OP's DH (though probably not as extremely) but I don't. Because I realised over time, that my actions would be just as damaging to my family, as my mother's were to me. So I analysed my behaviour, worked on it, and though I still need space at times, I've been able to have a healthy relationship and be a good mother, and take that space calmly, quietly and briefly.
I'm probably not as open as I could be about issues, in order to avoid conflict, but I don't behave in any way that hurts or scares my family.

Those on this thread who are justifying the DH's behaviour (including dragging OP away from social events) because they do the same themselves, urgently need to get counseling before they do further damage to their relationship and their children.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow, OK but I assume you say to family or partner that you need quiet time, that's it not them you're angry with. Giving a time when you will get back to discussions as usual.

Yeah, Dh knows.

l hate my lack of resilience. But it is what it is.