Am I too demanding or is he an idiot? Or both?

[Angelsandstardust]

Just need a bit of perspective.

I'm not sure our relationship is working and I don't know whether he's the problem, I am, or we are just incompatible.

Our latest fall out; it was my teen daughters birthday yesterday and she desperately wanted a macrame hanging chair for her room.

Back in July I told my partner of my daughters request and he said he would need to check the loft to make sure the joists were in the right position to put the chair where she wanted it. I asked him to check "fairly soon" as I'm a bit short on money this year and wanted to order the chair ASAP whilst I has the cash available. He said OK.

A couple of weeks later he still hadn't been up to the loft. I mentioned it again, said I really do need to order the chair soon and again he said he would do it "soon".

Long story short, he never made it up to the loft despite me asking him every 10-14 days, I eventually had to order the chair or it wouldn't come on time for her birthday and I made him aware that I was ordering at the weekend, he still didn't go and check the loft.

It gets to yesterday and my daughter is thrilled with the chair, asks when it's going to be put up and partner says "tomorrow".
I'm frustrated as he really is a "manana manana" type person and I'm more one to get things done, especially as the chair was her main present. Mention this to partner and he starts drilling through daughters ceiling to find the joists.

After many holes we eventually found a joist, put the chair up and it promptly pulled out if the ceiling when we tested it :(

Today, partner has finally been up in the loft and discovered the joists are too thin to hold the weight of the chair and he needs to reinforce the joist we want to attach it to - which he has no idea how to do, and I'm not sure I would trust him to do it properly anyway as he's just watched a YouTube video and declared he's "learnt" how to do it.

I'm fuming.

I mentioned our previous discussions and first he said he had no recollection of me asking him to check the loft, then decided that actually he did remember me asking, but "didn't see the urgency as her birthday wasn't until September".

He says it's not his fault, I say it most definitely is as if he had gone up in the loft prior to me ordering the chair as I'd asked him to, we might have discovered this and we could have found a way around the issue.

Instead, I have a 14 year old disappointed that she cant use her main present and although she will get over it, it's his dismissiveness over it all that I'm annoyed with.

He's like this all the time, too, anytime I bring up something I'm not happy with, he goes monosyllabic, accuses me of slating him a d never admits he's wrong nor apologises.

Am I being unreasonably demanding or is he a bit of a pain in the backside?

Sorry- if it was that I,portent, I'd have paid someone to go up since you can't and he won't. You're clearly incompatible- he doesn't care and you do. Either you accept that he's never going to do what you ask when you ask, or you don't. That's really your choice here

You're the ex. Wonder how i can tell 😂

It must be hard being @sicro.

Oh, I dunno, being that thick would bring a certain blissful, unawareness.

Unfortunately, the comment that they made just pushed me over the edge. I have just walked my children to school, feeling awful that I've done this to them, come home and just burst into tears. I still feel like I miss him.

Checked the post and there's someone telling me I'm stupid and insane.

I suppose the fact he hasn't contacted me speaks volumes about how much he actually cared and if its me that was the problem and not him, then maybe he'll be better off without anyway and happier in the long run.

But now I can't shake the feeling I've made a huge mistake...I thought I'd be happy when he left.

You'll believe the comments that fit best with the way you view yourself, @Angelsandstardust

That's what you need to be looking at. Your view of you.

And yes, if he'd be happier without you, then it's his responsibility to keep away from you, not your responsibility to put up with his or anybody else's criticism. He doesn't get to design how you 'should' be. You weren't put on the planet to meet his specific needs.

And yet again I come onto Mumsnet and am reassured that being single really isn't all that bad.

Another useless fucking twat.

That's not really helpful. Single isn't the only way to be happy, and this isn't about you.

I'm sorry to hear this. You're bound to feel up and down right now, but he doesn't bring any joy to your life, does he? And with him filling up that space, you'll not have the energy or time to find that joy you deserve. Ignore that terrible troll and keep moving forward.

Nobody knows who you're talking to @Sicro

Have you just come here to be nasty? OP's having a hard time. Do you like to treat people this way when they're already feeling bad? Why?

No offence intended I was just simply reassuring the OP this guy is yet another one not worth keeping and it will probably be no great loss chucking it back

It's understandable that you feel sad. Even if the relationship has run its course this is someone you had feelings for.
Even rubbish partners have something about them that had kept you together until then!
But today is the start of the next chapter in your life. Good luck with the job interview.

Wow so bitchy.

OP didn't demand he do these things. He said he would and then didn't even when she said she would do it he said no.

OP is well rid.

stay strong OP. As a PP said write down a list of all his negatives and keep it somewhere where you can remind yourself of it. Add to that what your eldest said about him coming back and doing something horrible. Why does your child feel like that?

Who are you talking to 😂

Many of us here aren't single and are in happy relationships. Some are single and happy. Some are single and looking for a partner.

You don't exactly sound like a very content, warm person yourself...

I hope you can be happier soon.

@Angelsandstardust ignore that poster. They are sitting in mummy's basement getting sexual satisfaction from your upset. Yes, men do get sexual kicks from that.

Focus on the other posters giving you support. Focus on the posters who say they have had/have partners like yours and how they suck the life out of you. Its not you. Its him.

Remember the fear and distress in your DS's face and voice when he asked if that man was coming back. Find your anger.

Also unkind and insensitive.

I have just walked my children to school, feeling awful that I've done this to them, come home and just burst into tears. I still feel like I miss him.

They call this "spending time in the pain room". Think of it as a bad feeling that you've just got to live through before coming out the other side ... like the sting of antiseptic cream on a cut, before the necessary clean healing process begins.

Your low mood is not something that needs to be fixed - it is part of the fix in itself - it just needs to be endured. Change is happening.

Good luck OP 💐

OP has actually said upthread that one of your previous comments pushed her over the edge. What do you think you're adding to the thread with your comments, except an ugly, smug bitterness?

A happy person wouldn't have your attitude, so you can say it all you like, it doesn't make it believable in the slightest. Nobody's interested in your wealth.