Has my DH cheated :(

[Queenofheart]

Long timer here but NC for obvs reasons.

I have a great relationship with my DH, we’re mid 50s, 100% trust, he’s very outgoing and can be flirty it doesn’t really bother me due to knowing how he feels about me and the way he treats me, been together 6 years and he’s still the same!

Anyway, in May we he went on a stag weekend, one overnight, he phoned me quite a few times, one on the way home drunk with a kebab at silly o’clock.

Moving on 6-8 weeks later he comes into the lounge to show me that warts have suddenly appeared near his genitals, they’re on his skin above his hairline not near his penis or anywhere else down below. If it's relevant growing up he says he used to be covered in them all over his hands/arms etc but he’s none anywhere else at this time.

So he swears blind that he’s done nothing wrong, it was a difficult few days, him trying to reassure me he’d done nothing wrong.

Anyway, I have googled the hell out of this and you cannot catch regular warts in your genital area (even though they’re not right down below) without sexual contact, I am in bits, I don’t know what to think! He’s recently started getting them on his arms. He got stuff off the internet but it hasn’t shifted them.

I know that genital and body warts are different and have booked him in with the GP who I am hoping can tell the difference, is this the case does anyone know. Can you get them down below though like I say not on his penis or below, and they’re not std’s?

As an added bit, he's happy for me to go into the GPs with him and has also offered to do a lie detector test to prove he’s done nothing wrong, which to me is a bit extreme.

I just don’t know what to think.

This is one of the rare ones where I’d suggest it sounds innocent!

I think a person can be infected and the virus can lie dormant for a long time can it? So he could well be telling thr truth about remaining faithful.

If not on his penis they're unlikely genital warts. Could be skin tags?

Finds spots and first thing he does is ask your advice? Happy for you to go to the doctors with him. You think this is suspicious?

Ive always found that if someone gives you more info than needed, they’re usually lying.

This is incorrect. Genital warts do not have to be on the penis. They can be found in the genital area, on the scrotum, the anus. They can indeed look very much like skin tags, but genital warts multiply quicker than skin tags developing.

If he was getting them in his childhood then he may be telling you the truth..
You can get warts anywhere on the skin and you can spread it to other parts of your body
Most people can suppress the hpv and not get any outbreaks but they it may reappear as you get older, or if your immune system gets weaker..

The part that made me suspicious is where they were. Would you not be?

do you mean telling me about them and offering for me to go the GP with him?

They haven't multiplied either, there's about 4/5 of them and not spread, if that makes a difference?

OP, if I were in your position, I would be fifty-fifty he's lying/telling the truth.

Yes, a person can catch genital warts, they can be treated, then years later, resurface. If he's had them before, this might be what is happening.

However, the timeframe between them appearing and the date you're concerned about is rather too coincidental for my liking. I would be wondering if he hadn't had sex, but he might have had what I believe they call a pussy wank?! (Where the woman rubs herself against the guy).

He's obviously worried, I'd go with him to the doctors and if as is likely its entirely innocent I'd log off mumsnet and get on with living your life. Using mumsnet may have made you unduly suspicious and if you're worried like you seem may ruin your relationship, nothing like suspicion to create problems where there aren't any.

Slow down, genital warts are called genital warts for a reason. Because they are on your genitals.

He's had regular warts before and now he's got a couple above his hairline... so on his stomach, and on his arms. You've booked him in at the doctors (they do take bookings from men now too) and he's happy for you to go with him. How you got to the lie detector test I don't know. Settle down, apologise for overreacting and maybe take a bit of time to work out how you got here.

The fact that he went on a stag do earlier this year isn't really relevant to the tale. It is possible to cheat in your own postcode, don't want to worry you!

I think warts can flair up again years later, especially if your immune system is a bit low - maybe he got it from the stag weekend but it was from too much alcohol, very little sleep and eating crap for a few days rather than shagging someone else! Also genital warts wouldn't spread to his arms I don't believe. I think you have to trust him on this one, I think they're just normal warts.

OP has explained where they are, they are not on his genitals. The man does not have warts upon his genitals.

What has a pussy wank got do to with this, oh lord save me, this is hilarious, get a grip people! 😂

@GreenManalishi the process of carrying out the 'pussy wank' (! can't believe I'm having to type this explanation) means that the woman's genital region could very well have been in contact with the guy's skin above his hair line.

Personally I think it’s unlikely he’d have shown them to you if he thought they were the result of illicit sexual contact. He’d have gone to get them treated on the quiet but instead he’s offered for you to accompany him to his appointment with the doctor. I don’t think he’s cheated.

Can you explain the bit where she rubs it on his arm?

It sounds very unlikely to me that this man has got genital warts but why let that get in the way of a bit of Take a Break style sensational overimagination?!

He's offered to take a lie detector test? Who does that? That alone is suspicious AF.

Exactly, he would have made his own appointment and gone and got them zapped. Done.

@GreenManalishi No sensationalism, just considering all the options. Which is exactly what sensible people do. No jumping at cheating, but no being walked-over either. When men want to cheat they can become devious. Hiding in plain sight by showing the wife their warts, for instance. OTOH, it might be that he has a compromised immune system.
You sound very naive @GreenManalishi or you're a bloke.

This. Unless he's stupid, why would he volunteer this information to you after cheating, it's obvious how bad that would seem.

HPV (genital warts) can lie dormant for YEARS. As in 10 15 20 years. For all you know, he had one YEARS ago and didn't even know, it went away as they can sometimes, and that was that. Often it flares after a period of lowered immunity - has he been sick / covid?

Unfortunately, NO ONE can tell you if he cheated. There is simply no way as this virus can be from years ago. It is also relevant he had the other strain as I have read about linkages.

So he may not have cheated or he may have. Unless her admits it, you will literally never know based on the medical advice. Doctor will also tell you there's no way to know.

Could also be foliculitis if it's on hairline

I got infected with herpes aeons ago (ugh) and was told I could have 'flare ups' forever. Aren't genital warts the same in that regard?