Has my DH cheated :(

[Queenofheart]

Long timer here but NC for obvs reasons.

I have a great relationship with my DH, we’re mid 50s, 100% trust, he’s very outgoing and can be flirty it doesn’t really bother me due to knowing how he feels about me and the way he treats me, been together 6 years and he’s still the same!

Anyway, in May we he went on a stag weekend, one overnight, he phoned me quite a few times, one on the way home drunk with a kebab at silly o’clock.

Moving on 6-8 weeks later he comes into the lounge to show me that warts have suddenly appeared near his genitals, they’re on his skin above his hairline not near his penis or anywhere else down below. If it's relevant growing up he says he used to be covered in them all over his hands/arms etc but he’s none anywhere else at this time.

So he swears blind that he’s done nothing wrong, it was a difficult few days, him trying to reassure me he’d done nothing wrong.

Anyway, I have googled the hell out of this and you cannot catch regular warts in your genital area (even though they’re not right down below) without sexual contact, I am in bits, I don’t know what to think! He’s recently started getting them on his arms. He got stuff off the internet but it hasn’t shifted them.

I know that genital and body warts are different and have booked him in with the GP who I am hoping can tell the difference, is this the case does anyone know. Can you get them down below though like I say not on his penis or below, and they’re not std’s?

As an added bit, he's happy for me to go into the GPs with him and has also offered to do a lie detector test to prove he’s done nothing wrong, which to me is a bit extreme.

I just don’t know what to think.

Thank you😊

Yes. Usually you never see them again until the immune system is compromised.

I agree using MN makes you more suspicious than you would normally be, thank you for this.

I've never heard that term before either ... not having sex but having a PW is just as bad IMO.

Thank you for this, it's kind of how I feel to be honest, if it were me (though I'd never cheat) I'd have gone and got them treated on the QT without saying anything!

If he's getting them back on his arms as well, I'd be inclined to believe him tbh OP

It can lay dormant for years. He could have picked them up in his early 20s and for whatever reason his immune system just had a flare now.

Herpes work a bit like cold sores. I don't think he's cheated on you.

I would have thought that too, however, it was only after me going on about him probably not being able to get them without sexual contact that he said if it puts your mind at rest I'll even do this ... could be a red herring but I could easily have called his bluff and he then couldn't get out of it. I'm not going down that route.

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better now to be honest. Will see what the GP says!

If there is no other reason for you to mistrust your husband then this in isolation doesn’t seem suspicious to me. If this were my DH I honestly don’t think cheating would have crossed my mind at all. The fact that you’ve obviously been questioning, hinting or outright accusing him of cheating (going off the fact that he’s apparently spent days trying to appease you) makes me think there must be more of a backstory or red flags in his previous behaviour for you to be so worried about this.

A person trying to calm down an hysterical spouse accusing them of cheating.....perhaps?

Him cheating didn’t cross my mind either (no previous red flags or bad behavior) and he didn’t start off by saying “I’ve done nothing wrong” it was all very innocent, doesn’t know how he got them, where they’ve come from, etc, until I googled it, that’s when suspicion set in and I questioned him.

I would go with him. If the go says they are a sexually transmitted infection then you can't argue with that really

Can genital warts spread to other parts of the body? Yes, but critically only nearby areas such as the anus, buttocks, and pelvic area. They would not migrate to the arms or hands.

I'm very cynical and assume people are more likely to cheat than not to cheat, but in this case I think it's unlikely.

I think I would assume innocence based on what you have said OP. If he's come in and said 'ew look, I've got these wierd spots here, I wonder what it is?' and then you've looked into it together, it is very different to him seeing them, panicking and treating them on the QT. Bless, assuming he's telling the truth he's probably pretty stressed out. Go the GP with him so you are not left guessing relayed information but im the meantime I'd assume he's telling the truth.

@Leadingtostories I'm not a man, but I might be naive, if that means I don't immediately envision someone doing a Pussy Wank upon my DP body parts in response to him showing me any new affliction.

Wart on his head? He's had a pussy wank on that stag do. Blister on his foot? Yes, definitely a sign of herpes contracted by a post kebab pussy wank.

Assuming he's simply suffering from a flare up of warts then I'd say it wasn't him with the red flags.

Leaving aside the warts, would he have been phoning you if he had been cheating? I would have thought the last thing a cheating husband on a stag night would do is phone his wife.

@Queenofheart I experienced similar except I noticed them, he didn't point them out to me. I was like you, never occurred to me he had cheated. He didn't know what they were. Like you, I googled the condition. When I realised what they were, he admitted to cheating. Your OH has denied cheating, so you have to assume he's telling the truth I suppose.

When I was pregnant with my second, I developed GWs. My immune system was shot to pieces, as I'd had terrible flu and I guess the HPV virus that causes them, and is normally dormant, found the perfect opportunity to break out.

I definitely had not been unfaithful to my then husband but it did make me wonder if he had given them to me. I asked and of course it was no, but I'll never know for sure.

I never really got to the bottom of it but just so that you understand there can be explanations that don't involve infidelity.

@Queenofheart Was he phoning because he felt guilty?

My OH sent me a few photos from a trip he was on, which wasn't something he would normally do until I realised later that that was one of the trips he had cheated on.

@Queenofheart I would advise you to be checked out just in case as there's a link between some strains of HPV and cervical cancer.

There is. As a result of my infection I developed stage 4 karyotic cells (I think that's how they're described?) and had to have a colposcopy so it's important to get checked out and make sure you keep up with your smear tests.

I can see why you would be concerned that he has cheated but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Even if it is genital warts, you can be infected with them for a long time before they show up so there's nothing to say he contracted them recently.

Sorry - CIN 3 - grade 3 dyskariosis - it was a long time ago!