Should I end it?

[CuteBabyFarts]

I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years and 5 months. We have 2 children together (yes I know it was very soon). We don’t live together or are working towards any plans to. He sees the children twice a week and pays £70 a month towards them.

I feel INCREDIBLY resentful of the fact he gets so much freedom and I don’t. I feel like ending the relationship, becoming a single parent (i pretty much am already), and claiming child maintenance (calculator said I am eligible for £70 a week, not a month)

Is a relationship like this worth trying to maintain or am I being taken for a ride?

We have nice times when we are together. We don’t tend to do too much, mainly watching Netflix on the sofa. He hasn’t had the children overnight on his own at his yet. (We have a 7 week old, 20 month old and I have a 7 year old)

This week he hasn’t seen the children since Tuesday. He worked 3 12 hr shifts and went out to the pub last night (without telling me). I’m on maternity leave so I’m doing all of the childcare, but when I worked 35 hours a week until the start of my maternity leave, I did all of the childcare too.

I really just feel like giving up and to just choose to become an official single parent. It wouldn’t make much difference to my life except I won’t have anyone to text every day and make me dinner sometimes.

I would just like someone else’s opinion of this set up as I don’t have anyone to talk to about it in real life. He’s a nice enough person but after 2 and a half years shouldn’t we be working towards living together and should he be expected to see his children for more than twice a week? I know I pretty much set myself up for failure from the start but all my relationships have been rather shit anyway.

Thanks for reading.

(I reckon this thread will be rather outting if someone I know reads it but I’m not sure I care anymore with hiding how I feel.)

Of course he should be doing more. You've been together for 2.5yrs and have kids, him living away with no plans to move in and barely contributing isn’t great. It all sounds very convenient for him, but what do you get from it apart from the occasional dinner? He's clearly causing you anxiety as you're posting here. So yes, if I were you I'd end it and make sure he pays his fair share.

I agree with you. At 2 1/2 years and 2 children later, you should be working towards something bigger and he should be doing more. £70 / month is also ridiculously low. What does he do for a living? I think it's odd that he's not doing more to see you and the kids - it's a red flag. He's either not really interested in you or has someone else.

For context, my ex gives me £400 and has the children 3 days a week. I think if you were single you might not notice the difference as much as you think. When I broke up with ex, although I had the children all week initially, not having to think about him made my life easier. In a nutshell, your relationship shouldn't be this hard.

Err, £70 a month! He hasn’t had his own kids overnight yet! Why on earth did it come to this? Jeezo. No, he’s not doing enough, or paying enough. Yes, you should end it!

This is utterly bizarre. Are you absolutely sure he's not married and living a double life?

Obviously yes, claim CMS for your children. And stop having sex with him and whatever chores you do for him. Other than that, you're already single so there's not much "breaking up" to do.

Well I could be a nice enough person if I didn’t have to do a single thing towards child care but hand over £70 a month! He appears when he feels like it and watches Netflix on your sofa? That’s it? Bin him. But get proper child support in place.

Why on earth did you have a second child with this loser? Ditch him.

He saw you coming, didn't he?.

End what? Doesn’t actually sound like a relationship

This isn't a relationship. This is an extended, very poor decision that has resulted in two children who have a deadbeat father. He's playing you for a fool.

Get rid of him, don't date again until you get therapy, and claim CMS.

Where does he live OP? it all sounds so bad on paper doesn't it ?

You charmer...

Query the fact he sees the kids twice a week. So does that mean he sees you twice a week also??

She said he sees her twice a week for Netflix

He lives a 15-20 minute drive away. He’ll be too tired to come visit us and help out after a 12 hour shift but he’s all good to go to the pub? He’s band 4 NHS currently. I know I’m an idiot for creating this situation but I’m happy to have had my 3 children. At least I know I’m right to feel resentful; I’ve had not had an outside perspective on this situation as I don’t talk to anyone. He puts up a convincing argument that he’s hard done by in this situation as he works a lot and ‘spends all his free time with me’. He doesn’t though. He gets downtime before and after work. The only downtime I get is in the shower, and I bring the 7 week old in there too while she sleeps. I might as well be financially compensated for doing all this hard work. It’s so stressful and i just know it won’t be any different when I return to work. I was thinking I could perhaps drop of few hours if I get this maintenance claim established and then I should be able to have a better work/life balance.

So he basically comes round for sex? It’s more of a fwb that you’ve had children with

£70 a month is a joke, you are definitely being taken for a ride

Why doesn’t he live with you?

So who does he live with and why doesn’t he live with you?

Why have you never lived together?

Claim via CMS and take his key back. You’ve been had.

He gets full nights sleeps every single night. He gets ready for work in peace, he comes home to a quiet house and can wind down in peace. He gets a hot brew when he wants one.
He comes and goes to yours when it suits him and has free time to see mates/hobbies/whatever

And he's paying you £70 a month to raise his children....

You're enabling this to happen because....????

Get your cms claim in.

Did anyone else say "£70 a month?" out loud?

This man is utterly selfish. I think having a relationship with him will be really bad for your self-esteem. Personally I would dump him and file a claim for child support.

I would definitely claim everything I am entitled to.

Why does he pay you only £70 a month? How many hours a week does he work?

Why wouldn't he want to live together?

He bought his own house perhaps a year before we got together. It’s a small 2 bedroom house, not enough for me and the children to move in to. It has a lot it needs doing to it so it’s not in saleable state as of yet. Moving in together in the future hasn’t been ruled out; there just isn't any plan in place. I need a solid plan to feel like I’m not just wasting my time. I’ve explained how I feel to him several times (during arguments) so it’s not like this is news to him. It’s such a unique set up that I don’t have anything to compare it to. Resentment has been building for a long time now. I broke up with him when my 7 week old was a new born and he left me on my own for 2 days while he was on paternity leave. He also didn’t stay with me the night I came home from hospital (baby was 1 day old) because he was tired. (That was hard. I cried all night) He had covid at the time but he caught it off me and I had to look after 2 children while heavily pregnant with it (38 weeks at the time) apologies for the dripfeed there, as I said I don’t talk to anyone about my life so I don’t know which order to tell things in. I’m just trying to make sense of it all with the help of mumsnet.

Op, you have value, and this man treats you like you're worthless. You deserve so, SO much more than the pathetic scraps he occasionally tosses your way. He will never, ever live with you, I think you must realise that. He has no concern for you whatsoever.