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Can I just ghost him at this point as everything with him and I is a drag? Advice?

89 replies

tanperception · 02/09/2022 14:57

Had been talking to him for a few weeks/a month before meeting. We went out for dinner together a few days ago and all went well. Kissed at the end. Texted me when we got home. Said he's glad he's met a woman who likes similar things. Said he found me even more attractive in person. Wanted to see me a few days later to do something together, I agreed but then I had too much going on with work so he suggested we maybe save it for the weekend. He also asked if I would be free this weekend as his friends have an event on. I don't see anything inherently wrong with this, however, previously dated someone and I met his friends quite early on, it didn't last and he was also seeing other people unknown to me.

Before we met, he would talk about what we should be doing for our second date, like going to the beach etc. I'm not sure if this is an issue but we hadn't even met, who is to say we would get along? Wondering if he's doing this to get in the sack quickly as I didn't sleep with him on the first date/as we did have some sexual messages exchanged prior. Things over text got a bit heated when we got home too and even sent me a photo of some toys he would like us to get. In one of the other message, that was slightly sexual he said he wants his 'partner' to be satisfied.

He did mention jokingly before our date that dinner should be quick and straight to dessert, however, the night before I did sort of get a bit sexual. Did text me after saying it was good to get to know me.
As I was supposed to attend a few weeks ago for his friend's birthday, I just suggested we do something one on one soon. He said I was still welcome to come and I just said that I would be having a family thing in the end. We were messaging throughout the day and he asked me for a website of something I bought something from but you have to download an app to use it. I just said I could buy it for him (it was about the price of the dinner he paid for on our first date), he said he would owe me back but I said not to worry, it was a few hundred bucks. I joked that we forgot to buy something else and he said we could get it on the way home tonight (weeks ago) after I picked him up from his friend's birthday. When I made it pretty clear that I couldn't do that as I was at home with my family. I didn't say this but then thought of it after, seems a bit demanding. I just sort of said I'd like to and would do it another time. He opened the message but didn't respond. I'm just not sure I like where this is heading.

Lately, he won't message for days or a week, and then when I do respond, which may be a bit later, he hardly gives me time to respond and then will message again. So he double messaged again last night asking if I want to do something with him soon. I respond and ask about a day and then he pulls back. This is not making my interest skyrocket any further, rather, I am getting increasingly frustrated. I've sort of told him previously of my concerns that I'm not sure if I'm fully into it and he said he understood (that was a week ago). And I told him that he was overstepping the mark by expecting me to come and pick him up. Anyway, he responds by saying he 'should' be free on Monday, again, had done this previously with the use of 'should'. Bit strange. I intentionally didn't open the message as I found it frustrating.

As I hadn't opened the message earlier today, he randomly sends me a photo of some gym girl that sort of looks similar to me and says 'Is this you?' and says that my muscles are 'coming' along. And then randomly again a plan of us doing a gym session. I can't keep up with this. It also signals to me that the other plans he just spoke of last night had no meaning unless I'm just some weirdo and that he just wants attention/affirmation.

Advice?

TL;DR I've had one date with this guy and I am not that into it. I've expressed concerns but am unsure if I can just ghost him at this point. He's reasonably attractive but we are different. He has tattoos, I don't. I have a degree, he doesn't. Find him reasonably kind but there are no fireworks.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 02/09/2022 15:05

That's hard to follow but if you don't like the guy, yeah ghost him or tell you're not interested and block him?

I don't see why him having tattoos and you not having tattoos is an issue though or the degree/no degree 😂

tanperception · 02/09/2022 15:14

Sounds silly, but at the end of the day, people may not want to be with someone because that person eats apples and they don't, for example. Anything inconspicuous really.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 15:16

If you don't think he's for you just tell him. Don't ghost him. He's done nothing wrong. He's just a bit full on.

MolliciousIntent · 02/09/2022 15:18

Ghosting is for abusive behaviour, not simple incompatibility. Be a grown-up, tell him you don't think he's the right fit for you, allow him to respond, then if you must, block and move on.

Mabelstearooms · 02/09/2022 15:19

Confused by what your actual question is. You've already told him hi don't think you're really that into it. Just break it off completely and both go your separate ways.

He has tattoos, I don't. *I have a degree, he doesn't.
*
So?

pilates · 02/09/2022 15:27

Just tell him the truth. You are making this way more complicated than it needs to be.

SheWoreYellow · 02/09/2022 15:31

Just tell him you don’t want to meet up because it doesn’t feel right.

OnaBegonia · 02/09/2022 16:22

War and Peace length ramble!
You sound very hard work and very snobby, leave him be.

GreyCarpet · 02/09/2022 16:44

I have tattoos and a degree.

Totally irrelevant but just thought I'd add to the thread.

Sisisimone · 02/09/2022 16:47

Feel exhausted reading that

alwaysmovingforwards · 02/09/2022 17:13

Sisisimone · 02/09/2022 16:47

Feel exhausted reading that

Agreed..

alwaysmovingforwards · 02/09/2022 17:13

SheWoreYellow · 02/09/2022 15:31

Just tell him you don’t want to meet up because it doesn’t feel right.

Yup

ClocksGoingBackwards · 02/09/2022 17:16

Move on

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 02/09/2022 17:17

If you don't want to see him again, just say. It's not hard.

Itwasntright · 02/09/2022 18:01

I don't know why you've had the responses you've had tbh. I don't think there's anything wrong in what you're asking. You show a bit of interest, he plays hard to get - whose even got time for that game playing?

"As I hadn't opened the message earlier today, he randomly sends me a photo of some gym girl that sort of looks similar to me and says 'Is this you?' and says that my muscles are 'coming' along"

So he's sending you photos of random, presumably attractive woman in the gym .. Why? To make you jealous because you didn't respond quickly enough? Does he even know this woman he's taken a photo of? Seems a bit like negging. Not to mention rude to take random photos of a woman to make you jealous. Its just weird.

firstmummy2019 · 02/09/2022 18:10

This all sounds very hard work for only 1 date.

iamjustwinginglife · 02/09/2022 18:30

He just wants sex

ImPickleRickSpartacus · 02/09/2022 18:35

Why can't you just say, "I don't think it's working out" to him?

mscampbelle · 02/09/2022 18:38

It all sounds gross. Just don't message him. I don't think it's ghosting if you are not an item?

EmmaH2022 · 02/09/2022 18:40

Weird post, used TLDR.

just don't message. If he does, say it's not for you.

I don't see the relevance of the degree.

EmmaH2022 · 02/09/2022 18:40

Itwasntright · 02/09/2022 18:01

I don't know why you've had the responses you've had tbh. I don't think there's anything wrong in what you're asking. You show a bit of interest, he plays hard to get - whose even got time for that game playing?

"As I hadn't opened the message earlier today, he randomly sends me a photo of some gym girl that sort of looks similar to me and says 'Is this you?' and says that my muscles are 'coming' along"

So he's sending you photos of random, presumably attractive woman in the gym .. Why? To make you jealous because you didn't respond quickly enough? Does he even know this woman he's taken a photo of? Seems a bit like negging. Not to mention rude to take random photos of a woman to make you jealous. Its just weird.

Oh I didn't see this because I read the TLDR.

just ignore and move on.

pogostickplastique · 02/09/2022 18:49

AryaStarkWolf · 02/09/2022 15:05

That's hard to follow but if you don't like the guy, yeah ghost him or tell you're not interested and block him?

I don't see why him having tattoos and you not having tattoos is an issue though or the degree/no degree 😂

I can't see the bit about tattoos 😂and I've read it 3 times. My eyes must be worse than I thought

Introvertedandalone · 02/09/2022 18:53

I have two tattoos, 7 piercings, and a masters degree with distinction 🤷‍♀️

Opentooffers · 02/09/2022 19:23

If you just want sex, by all means be sexual over the phone before you've met. But if you don't, big mistake, and any bloke who leads you down that path before a meet, and really before IRL sex has ocured, is jumping the gun or giving clear intent that its the main driver for them. So if you want a relationship take it as a big red flag and don't even bother with a first meet.

RaininSummer · 02/09/2022 20:14

All this ghosting and blocking behaviour seems so rude to me unless someone is an abusive arse. What happened to just politely telling someone that you don't want to see them again in a reasonably pleasant face saving way?

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