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Relationships

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Can I just ghost him at this point as everything with him and I is a drag? Advice?

89 replies

tanperception · 02/09/2022 14:57

Had been talking to him for a few weeks/a month before meeting. We went out for dinner together a few days ago and all went well. Kissed at the end. Texted me when we got home. Said he's glad he's met a woman who likes similar things. Said he found me even more attractive in person. Wanted to see me a few days later to do something together, I agreed but then I had too much going on with work so he suggested we maybe save it for the weekend. He also asked if I would be free this weekend as his friends have an event on. I don't see anything inherently wrong with this, however, previously dated someone and I met his friends quite early on, it didn't last and he was also seeing other people unknown to me.

Before we met, he would talk about what we should be doing for our second date, like going to the beach etc. I'm not sure if this is an issue but we hadn't even met, who is to say we would get along? Wondering if he's doing this to get in the sack quickly as I didn't sleep with him on the first date/as we did have some sexual messages exchanged prior. Things over text got a bit heated when we got home too and even sent me a photo of some toys he would like us to get. In one of the other message, that was slightly sexual he said he wants his 'partner' to be satisfied.

He did mention jokingly before our date that dinner should be quick and straight to dessert, however, the night before I did sort of get a bit sexual. Did text me after saying it was good to get to know me.
As I was supposed to attend a few weeks ago for his friend's birthday, I just suggested we do something one on one soon. He said I was still welcome to come and I just said that I would be having a family thing in the end. We were messaging throughout the day and he asked me for a website of something I bought something from but you have to download an app to use it. I just said I could buy it for him (it was about the price of the dinner he paid for on our first date), he said he would owe me back but I said not to worry, it was a few hundred bucks. I joked that we forgot to buy something else and he said we could get it on the way home tonight (weeks ago) after I picked him up from his friend's birthday. When I made it pretty clear that I couldn't do that as I was at home with my family. I didn't say this but then thought of it after, seems a bit demanding. I just sort of said I'd like to and would do it another time. He opened the message but didn't respond. I'm just not sure I like where this is heading.

Lately, he won't message for days or a week, and then when I do respond, which may be a bit later, he hardly gives me time to respond and then will message again. So he double messaged again last night asking if I want to do something with him soon. I respond and ask about a day and then he pulls back. This is not making my interest skyrocket any further, rather, I am getting increasingly frustrated. I've sort of told him previously of my concerns that I'm not sure if I'm fully into it and he said he understood (that was a week ago). And I told him that he was overstepping the mark by expecting me to come and pick him up. Anyway, he responds by saying he 'should' be free on Monday, again, had done this previously with the use of 'should'. Bit strange. I intentionally didn't open the message as I found it frustrating.

As I hadn't opened the message earlier today, he randomly sends me a photo of some gym girl that sort of looks similar to me and says 'Is this you?' and says that my muscles are 'coming' along. And then randomly again a plan of us doing a gym session. I can't keep up with this. It also signals to me that the other plans he just spoke of last night had no meaning unless I'm just some weirdo and that he just wants attention/affirmation.

Advice?

TL;DR I've had one date with this guy and I am not that into it. I've expressed concerns but am unsure if I can just ghost him at this point. He's reasonably attractive but we are different. He has tattoos, I don't. I have a degree, he doesn't. Find him reasonably kind but there are no fireworks.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 05/09/2022 05:46

Are you in the US?

UnpropitiousNightmares · 05/09/2022 05:51

tanperception · 05/09/2022 05:35

He just messaged me asking if I still want to go to the movies tonight.

Great, so you respond with

No, I don't. I've been giving it some thought and I can't see this going any further so I'm going to wish you well and say goodbye.

Then if you feel the need to err on the side of caution - block all his access to you. Job done!

tanperception · 05/09/2022 06:59

I'm just so close to asking the money back for what I bought him.

OP posts:
Midlifemusings · 05/09/2022 07:19

You are completely over thinking and over analyzing all this. You have met him once.

You are coming across as exhausting and very into drama. Ghosting is immature. So is trying to get people to say he is abusive, no one knows him - nor do you.

Just send him a polite message and move on. You both voluntarily spent money on each other. No, you don’t ask for it back. Just end it with a sentence and be done.

Mosso · 05/09/2022 07:25

Don't ask for the money back. Just tell him you can't see a future and wish him well.

No need for dramatics.

Discovereads · 05/09/2022 07:39

I’d just tell him sorry it’s not working for you and it was nice meeting him, have a great life, good bye. You don’t need “reasons” other than you’re not into him to stop seeing him. I wouldn’t even go down that road of “well you used should be free instead of would be free, and other petty stuff that make it about him falling short or doing something wrong when really you are not attracted to him.

I don’t agree with ghosting. Ghosting is extremely rude and damaging to the receivers mental health. It should never be acceptable. Even if the person is a catfish, you’d send a final don’t contact me you big fat liar and then block. You wouldn’t ghost them.

tanperception · 05/09/2022 08:58

Thanks everyone. Before I even had to do it, he said to not worry as he thinks there's tension and he was just trying to be 'kind' with asking to see me again. I said messaging last minute is not kind, expecting I'll pull through with plans and wished him well.

OP posts:
chilling19 · 05/09/2022 08:58

So he has already scammed you out of £200? This is just the start. Get rid.

tanperception · 05/09/2022 09:00

@chilling19 and it was for something that is illegal, well, a grey area where I live. So I sent him my bank details, oh well.

OP posts:
tanperception · 05/09/2022 09:22

Also, he didn't even ask me what movie I would like to see, the other night as this is what we had planned. Just chose himself.

OP posts:
chilling19 · 05/09/2022 09:27

I would be worried that he has your bank details. What is to stop him using them again? Perhaps a call to your bank should be made?

tanperception · 05/09/2022 09:43

@chilling19 thank you. Think it should be ok given it's just my bsb and account number.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 05/09/2022 12:08

The fact you spent so much money on a stranger, gave him your bank details and are unable to cut him loose shows You are very gullible and have a problem establishing boundaries OP, you need to work on them big time before continuing OLD, otherwise you’re going to be eaten alive.

tanperception · 05/09/2022 12:16

@Sandra1984 this is most definitely the only time I've ever made such an egregious mistake. Would not have even done this normally for someone I was in a relationship with.

OP posts:
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