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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner fancies my sister

96 replies

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 09:38

My sister is stunning she is 6yrs younger than me, tall slim and has bigger boobs than average as she had hormone issues in her teens. She's beautiful. My partner when we first got together as friends used to make remarks about her all the time then when we started dating I couldn't get them out of my head. He even said a few times I looked like her face. I am short with 34B boobs. My sister wears make up takes care of herself wears perfume and has long blonde hair. I don't wear make up, or perfume and my fav outfit is black jeans and a T-shirt.

I know full well he fancies her and she's more his type. What the hell do I do??

I love my sister so much but this feeling won't piss off. I hate him seeing pics of her on my social media when we have days together etc it kills me.

I broke up with him because of these feelings and he told me I was being silly and I'm prettier etc but I don't want to be prettier I just don't want to constantly feel like he's lusting over her.

Should I end it? I know it's extreme but he doesn't deserve me being upset and grumpy in these situations and I can't resolve these feelings at all.

OP posts:

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 13:57

I am angry at him I hate what happened I will always choose my sister

no op you’ve chosen him. Your poor sister. And what do you mean you want your family to meet him. Have they not done so, and how can you stomach even considering it

I’m sorry about your baby, but this is never going to go away and you’re always going to be panicked when he is round her, you can’t keep her put your life because he prefers her.

NCQuiteConfused · 02/09/2022 14:05

You need to get rid.
How disgusting. If it was me, the comment he made about my sister would be the last one he made in my presence.

I hope you aren't entertaining choosing him over your sister

NCQuiteConfused · 02/09/2022 14:06

Also I'm sorry for your loss, but staying with him won't ease that pain for you, will it? Especially if he's behaving so grossly

Herejustforthisone · 02/09/2022 14:06

Umm, what?

Beepbeepenergy · 02/09/2022 14:26

OMG get rid immediately

EverydayIsPJday · 02/09/2022 14:30

Just...yuk

GreyCarpet · 02/09/2022 14:51

I can't believe you even need to ask if you should end it tbh.

Seriously, stop comparing yourself to her. You are not her but this guy is not the one for you.

Diverseopinions · 02/09/2022 16:45

Please don't be downcast. It's not nice that you feel attacked.

I don't think it's that uncommon for a guy to fancy somebody in the family. In the cases I've seen, it hasn't led to unfaithfulness. Personality comes into it. And, as has often been said, it isn't essential for a woman to be a beauty queen to attract the love and desire of a man. This has been said on Mumsnet .

But it is sleazy what your man sent. Maybe your sister could reassure you that she is not interested . Maybe your man could do the same. Maybe it isn't right for you, the relationship, but without knowing if he was with you when he sent the message, whether totally drunk, whether teenage, it's hard to say.

Sorry about your loss

You could ask him how he'd feel if he had a brother who was 6ft 4, a well-known rugby player locally, and known to possess a huge dick, which he was cool about, sometimes joked about, and which was well-known about in the community, something of a talking point with the wider group of friends. Would he like you to ask his brother to perform a striptease for your friend's hen do? Would he feel I secure and what things you could say would make him not feel insecure .

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 02/09/2022 18:18

Ok, well the later messages change things just a tad. Dump him, you're never going to get over that and why the fuck should you?

You will never have a happy life with this man.

ExtraOnion · 02/09/2022 19:28

You are insecure, because he’s disgusting. He’s the kind of man who sends messages about “tit wanks” to someone he’s a) not in any sort of relationship with, and, b) is his partners sister.

What do you want people to do ? Give you tips on how to keep him?

Diverseopinions · 02/09/2022 20:45

I'm not sure what has happened. Is the flirting with sister historic - when they were all kids together, like late teens, having a laugh together? OP suggests there was the beginning of something between sister and DP. Then, sister moves away. Then, OP finds that, out of the group of friends, she and DP are becoming closer and, well, whether or not he likes the sister, she isn't near enough to see.

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 21:19

Would he like you to ask his brother to perform a striptease for your friend's hen do? Would he feel I secure and what things you could say would make him not feel insecure

for goodness sake. Hardly the same thing, a tit wank and talking about her breasts to the op is an intimate thing. A strip at a hen do is not. The equivalent would be asking if he would be ok with her asking the brother to masturbate her off;

LateAF · 02/09/2022 21:36

By staying with him after he sexually harassed your own sister, you chose him over her. That’s on you.

Diverseopinions · 03/09/2022 06:31

Fairylightsongs

Yes. It's worse, what he did. But it's a less crude example to use, and ask him how he'd feel. He isn't doing enough to acknowledge how it's natural to feel jealous. And he isn't being reassuring.

If he sent the text to the sister whilst he was seeing OP, then there is only one viable course of action - and it's for OP to end the relationship. But I'm not sure of the timescale.

I can't work out whether the texting and flirting happened before there was any thought of DP and OP getting together. I'm not clear whether Sister and DP were flirting and starting something, and then it failed and she moved away. Did the relationship develop afterwards, between OP and DP?

I've just read that the sister is six years younger, which I missed before. They were not all peers hanging out together. She may well have been younger and vulnerable.

It sounds bad.

Buildingthefuture · 03/09/2022 06:56

Yikes op! After your first post I thought it was just insecurity and was going to suggest working on your self esteem….but the titwank thing is just….VILE!!
I honestly could never stay with a man who sent that kind of revolting shite to my sister (or any other woman as it happens!) and if I was your sister, the rancid fecker would never be allowed in my home. I would be beyond horrified If my sisters partner messaged to say I was “beautiful”, but he would be shut down immediately with a simple “do not message me” reply or just ignored. You really do need to get some help with your self esteem op, you deserve far, far better than this sleezy fuck…..get some counselling, then down the road he goes…..

BadLad · 03/09/2022 13:39

Is your boyfriend one of these two?

Original poster

blueberry2105 · 03/09/2022 14:56

BadLad · 03/09/2022 13:39

Is your boyfriend one of these two?

Possibly

OP posts:

wellhelloitsme · 03/09/2022 15:07

OP do you think it's especially loyal / fair of you to continue seeing a man who messaged your sister saying he wants a tit wank from her? She must be disgusted by him. You should be too IMO.

Username3008 · 03/09/2022 19:14

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:35

I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs

What??? Get rid of him. From your original post, sounded like you have self-esteem issues. And maybe you do, but now I know why. What a strange thing for him to say. He'll only make your insecurities worse over time so I'd call it a day if you want a chance at building your confidence back up again.

Deepbluesea11 · 16/10/2025 18:37

I know this is an old thread but these people are gaslighting you and I’m so shocked aI the level of ignorance of these replies I hope you dumped him and find someone who has eyes for you abd never disrespect you this way

Moresparecashplease · 16/10/2025 20:14

Deepbluesea11 · 16/10/2025 18:37

Edited

What on earth do you mean?
Virtually every pp advised OP to dump him, just as you have done.

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