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Original poster

My partner fancies my sister

96 replies

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 09:38

My sister is stunning she is 6yrs younger than me, tall slim and has bigger boobs than average as she had hormone issues in her teens. She's beautiful. My partner when we first got together as friends used to make remarks about her all the time then when we started dating I couldn't get them out of my head. He even said a few times I looked like her face. I am short with 34B boobs. My sister wears make up takes care of herself wears perfume and has long blonde hair. I don't wear make up, or perfume and my fav outfit is black jeans and a T-shirt.

I know full well he fancies her and she's more his type. What the hell do I do??

I love my sister so much but this feeling won't piss off. I hate him seeing pics of her on my social media when we have days together etc it kills me.

I broke up with him because of these feelings and he told me I was being silly and I'm prettier etc but I don't want to be prettier I just don't want to constantly feel like he's lusting over her.

Should I end it? I know it's extreme but he doesn't deserve me being upset and grumpy in these situations and I can't resolve these feelings at all.

OP posts:
Thereisnolight · 02/09/2022 10:45

He doesn’t sound very nice OP. No wonder you feel insecure.

It’s not inevitable that another man would lust after your sis while he’s with you, no matter how attractive she is. BIL is better looking than DH and I admit I did briefly fancy him prior to DH. But they are very different people and DH is much the nicer person. No regrets at all!

MrsTimRiggins · 02/09/2022 10:46

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:35

I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs

The ultimate drip feed 🤦🏼‍♀️
get rid of him, what a sleazy cunt. She must have been mortified and personally if I were her, I’d feel both let down by you and simultaneously super sad for you that you stayed with such a sleaze who thought it was okay to send such messages to your sister!!

user83657564 · 02/09/2022 10:47

That might just be the biggest, stickiest drip feed I've seen.

Schoolchoicesucks · 02/09/2022 10:51

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:35

I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs

Well he sounds delightful. Even if you weren't dating him at the time, I think I'd find it difficult to be with and respect a bloke who I knew sent that to someone he wasn't dating- regardless of whether it was my sister he sent it to.

Leaving that aside, it sounds as though this is more about your insecurities. Would it be different in a relationship with another guy or would you still feel that anyone would choose your sister over you?

Is he a good guy? Worthy of being in a relationship with you? If so, work on your insecurities. If not, ditch him and work on your insecurities.

girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 10:56

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:35

I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs

Ha yeah ok that's a bit different then. Why didn't you dump him at the time?

Pamlar · 02/09/2022 10:58

Grim. Get rid.
Really really gross

Original poster
blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:59

At the time we hadn't gotten as serious. But I already had feelings he felt guilty about it all as he went into a depression and I felt at the time I needed to help him. He would leave his house and he wasn't himself. I should have ended it straight away I just didn't know how madly in love I would fall and how much it would impact my life now. I never wanted to be in a serious relationship with him it was just fun at the start. Now 4yrs later I'm still consumed by what happened

OP posts:
Catlover1970 · 02/09/2022 11:04

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:59

At the time we hadn't gotten as serious. But I already had feelings he felt guilty about it all as he went into a depression and I felt at the time I needed to help him. He would leave his house and he wasn't himself. I should have ended it straight away I just didn't know how madly in love I would fall and how much it would impact my life now. I never wanted to be in a serious relationship with him it was just fun at the start. Now 4yrs later I'm still consumed by what happened

He obviously fancies the pants off her and fantasises about her
Sorry but this is the reality

Calphurnia88 · 02/09/2022 11:05

If I was dating a man who made remarks about my sister he would not have been promoted to partner.There is no way I'd be with a man who saw my family members in this way.

In was going to say I agree with this PP, but then I read your update:

I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs.

Dump him. Yes, you need to work on your insecurities about your better looking (your words) sister, but it sounds like your BF is obsessed with her breasts. Very odd.

NotaCoolMum · 02/09/2022 11:06

“I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs”

@blueberry2105 you seriously need to raise your standards. Even if you weren’t “as serious” yet, you chose to keep the relationship going. No decent man would send a message like that to his gf sister!!

it’s not up to you to “help him”… you need to help yourself first.
he is a revolving pig

Diverseopinions · 02/09/2022 11:08

It would be difficult for her meeting up at a family gathering, after that sexual text.

At some time, it seems that he has obviously felt close or encouraged enough to her to send a text like this. She hasn't been disgusted enough to tell you to avoid him. However, from the outside, it is hard to judge, and what do we know?. I can imagine scenarios, where friends might mess about and be used to crude expressions. But it obviously is defining her by her chest, which isn't nice. From within a group of mates, I guess that, banter and drunken comments can go on and not be taken seriously and it's all accepted as fine and neither mysogynistic or embarrassing..

I feel the answer might be to speak with your sister. Say it's pretty common for a partner to fancy a friend, cousin or sister of their beloved, and you're not making a big deal of it, but does she think he is sleazy and can you talk about it with her - in confidence.

Part of me feels that people exist whom everybody fancies. I know that everyone has a type, but some people, like Jennifer Lopez are just very attractive. I suppose life can't come to a standstill just because there is someone very sexy in the group or family .

I hope it works out and can see where you are coming from and hope you get good advice today on MN.

IrisVersicolor · 02/09/2022 11:08

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:35

I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs

Why are you even with him? 😵‍💫

orangely · 02/09/2022 11:19

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:35

I forgot to mention the bit where he sent her a message saying he was thinking about her giving him a tit wank and the day we went for a walk and he kept talking about my sisters boobs

would not want to be with someone who sends unsolictied messages like this!

wellhelloitsme · 02/09/2022 11:20

Don't you feel bad for your sister that you're with someone who was being so fucking creepy to her and saying he wants a tit wank?!

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 11:25

wtaf this took a turn. Why would you be with someone who was texting that shit to your sister. How uncomfortable for her to have to see that pervert. No wonder you’re uncomfortable at family gatherings. I’d be mortified I was bringing him.

GerardIsTheBest · 02/09/2022 11:26

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:59

At the time we hadn't gotten as serious. But I already had feelings he felt guilty about it all as he went into a depression and I felt at the time I needed to help him. He would leave his house and he wasn't himself. I should have ended it straight away I just didn't know how madly in love I would fall and how much it would impact my life now. I never wanted to be in a serious relationship with him it was just fun at the start. Now 4yrs later I'm still consumed by what happened

I love the way he went into a depression and you felt you needed to help him. What about some care in the other direction?

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 11:27

If it was a random woman that's fine but it's my bloody sister

is it fuck fine if it’s a random woman. What sort of pervert sends that unsolicited shit to women. It’s never fine.

Josette77 · 02/09/2022 11:27

That's so gross. I feel bad for your sister.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/09/2022 11:31

Josette77 · 02/09/2022 11:27

That's so gross. I feel bad for your sister.

This. Imagine getting that text from your sisters b/f, so gross and disrespectful

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 11:33

Should I end it? I know it's extreme but he doesn't deserve me being upset and grumpy in these situations and I can't resolve these feelings at all

it’s not extreme. Yes he does deserve it. Your poor sister doesn’t deserve having to socialise with this weirdo who was sexually harassing her. Your self esteem must be shot to get with him knowing how he prefers your sister and you must be mortified at family gatherings knowing they all know.

end it. Immediately. And work on your self esteem.

girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 11:34

I'd end up for my sisters comfort even if I didn't care about my own.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 02/09/2022 11:36

You def should have dumped him at the tit wank message stage.
Never too late imo.

safetyfreak · 02/09/2022 11:40

I think its normal to have a crush but the comments he made are unforgivable. I am surprised you let it go…it must be mortifying for you at family events, everyone knowing what happened.

Greyarea12 · 02/09/2022 11:43

blueberry2105 · 02/09/2022 10:38

I am aware these are my insecurities. My sister lives 200 miles away which is probably why nothing has actually happened. But the thought of family meet ups makes me feel unwell and I can't have a separate love and family life I want them to be one

Why on earth are you with him? Is he really worth this amount of insecurity, not to mention the damage to your mental health/confidence/self esteem?

riserved · 02/09/2022 11:43

Imagine how your sister feels, come on OP, he's an embarrassment.

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