First date - what should I ask / look out for?

[Datingadvice]

I’m 38, he’s 48. He works in finance. Never been married and doesn’t have kids, but wants both. So do I - with the right man.

Conversation has been pleasant and engaging so far - no red flags. He’s been single for 7 years and been online dating for 3-4 years. Is that the red flag?

It's so hard not to judge but my first thoughts would be why is he that age and single, never married with no children and also why has he been single for 7 years?! If these are true, to me they are red flags. Just be very cautious and have your eyes wide open. Ask open questions about his life that aren't too invasive for a first date. Let him tell his story

It doesn't matter if he's not been married before, I haven't but have had long lasting relationships.

Has he told you why he's been single for 7 years and doesn't have any kids or never been married.

I don't see any of those as Red Flags, as such. The reasons behind it might be though.

Enjoy your date!

If he's never been married and single for a bit he might be fussy...

I agree daisycup22 he’s a nice looking guy with a fantastic career. It’s made me very suspicious. Single for 7 years. He’s been unusually pleasant (compared to the shite on OLD), asking serious questions, and saying how humiliating he finds online dating etc. But something doesn’t sit right about the length of time he’s been single for me. I go through stages of being single but not for that length of time!

Or stringing you a line that he wants kids/marriage.
Most people have done that by 48 (obviously not everyone!) so I would take him saying that with a pinch of salt.

He’s leaving it a bit late to become a father, no? I think that sounds a little off to me.

Thank you! DatingDinosaur He said he’s been online dating only for a few years. And his last relationship ended because his partner changed and they broke up. He explained a common pattern he sees among his friends where partners change, and a break up follows. This could be weight gain, letting oneself go etc. It happens both ways to men and women, he explained, and you end up living as brother and sister.

tbh see this on mumsnet a lot. I can’t shake but feel he might be shallow. But he’s not exactly stunning himself. Meanwhile he’s mentioned how beautiful he finds my pics. I’m not bad looking, but I’m no supermodel either! I won’t get into another relationship with a shallow bastard, my last ex used to go on and on about how I went from a size 10 to a 12. Im almost 40 ffs!

He looks like a decent family guy
Lots of photos of his elderly parents and siblings
But yes I agree - why single for so long?
Is he a player just after sex?

If it feels too good to be true then it usually is.

Weight gain? Letting oneself go….blerg

also why has he been single for 7 years?

It's almost like some men are capable of being happily single. Crazy stuff I know.

Does he live with his Mother?

AuntieDolly No, he’s very independent, has his own place, he has lots of money by the looks of it - I looked him up to verify.

I'd say any man who has got to 48 without having children doesn't want them very much. Sorry.

I think all you have to ask when you're with them is 'am I genuinely enjoying myself? Would I like to see him again?'

But tbh I would assume children are unlikely and proceed accordingly.

If I was a gambler, which I'm not, I'd put money on him being a player that tells women what he thinks they want to hear, gets what he wants, then suddenly he'll get very busy.. uncontactable for a long stretches.. I wouldn't at all be surprised if he's Kaif the ground work already and has a business trip planned for a couple weeks after your first date..

But, I could of course be completely wrong.

Yes he has a holiday coming up! DillonPanthersTexas Shall I just cancel the date then?

I really want a family. It’s why I broke up with my ex - he wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to waste time. So i don’t want to waste time with questionable men. I am screening like crazy on online dating. I have hundreds and hundreds of likes, and up chatting to 1-2 men as a result.

When is the first date and where it is? Hope he's taking you out for dinner in a special place. Don't kiss him, go cautiously and see what happens.

A 48 year old who wants his first child at this age is concerning to be honest. Look him up on the FCA website too - finance is a vast world where some people make £2-3m bonus and some make £30k bonus so a massive difference

No! Don't cancel the date. If nothing else, you'll (hopefully) have a nice time. You might not even fancy him when you meet in real life. But I do agree with blisstwins and maybe that's the shallow vibes you're picking up on. Also he might well be a bit of a player stringing you a line. But you will sense that when you meet (you sound like you have good intuition).

I would go on a date, it is a risk what his real intentions are until you've got to know him better, as others have said if he's alway too busy to communicate after dating a short amount of time, then he's not looking for commitment, if he makes an effort to stay in touch even on a work trip/holiday then he might be genuine.

Whatever happened to just going on a date, meeting with the person face to face, asking questions and seeing how you get on?
Why all this pre-judging and searching for red flags?

Cause there's one run around this great life we're given. Wasting time and energy on a liar and deceiver is time you'll never get back.. and once you've done it too often you get very wary to re run that track and jump those hurdles again.

I told my late dh on the second date that children were a deal breaker for me and that we shouldn't have a third date if he didn't want a child. All my friends were horrified but he wasn't. I think it's fine to know what you're looking for.

Single for seven years would kind of be a green flag to me - it’s good he’s capable to be alone and not just jumping from relationship to another.
Unless this means endless amount of hook-up’s,fb’s, no stings….
That would be a red flag.

Not married, fine.
A bit strange to not have been if marriage has been something he always wanted.
I mean why did it take so long, for a man that’s strange cause so many women want that and younger and faster.

No kids, and he wants them?
Red flag, he’s old, his soerm is going to be dust.
Look it up, sperm quality goes way down - he could have ill children now.
And again, why the wait?
There are more willing women, he would’ve found a woman much earlier.

So he could be lying.
To string you along.

Or worse he only now realized his not immortal and now just want a good little wife and kids to take care of him as his getting older.
Lame.
And a red flag.

And I always will find age gaps as huge red flags!
Always!