Would you be put off by this lack of effort?

[birthdaygirl29]

Looking for some honest opinions and I've name changed.

Been casually talking to/seeing a guy for 3 months. We are exclusive but due to each of us having DC/unsociable work patterns/busy social lives have actually only met up around 7 times, one of which was an amazing weekend away.

Anyway, yesterday was my birthday and I saw it in with a large group of people at a party including him. He wished me happy birthday at the time, and again when we left at the end of the night. I didn't hear from him until late afternoon of my birthday, a very brief how's your birthday text. That's it, no card, nothing.
I didn't expect any grand gestures whatsoever, but I did think he'd at least get me a birthday card. Or at the very least send a message in the morning wishing me a nice day.

I'm not someone who wishes to be showered by gifts or spoilt by a man, but my instinct is to run from this one. I think it's insensitive and odd behaviour. I don't think he's tight with money as he paid for the weekend away without hesitation a couple of months back. Any thoughts?

No, that's shit. You are right to have your bar set higher than that.

You didn't spend the night together after your birthday? How come?

Missing point I know...

And he didn't give you a card or present at your party? I presume everyone else did?

This exact scenario was an early red flag for a close friend. She made an excuse for him then but I didn't like it and they have recently split another year down the line and he has never done any small gestures, little treats or notes etc and it has made her so sad. He just couldn't be bothered it seems. I think he's not right OP. Sorry.

@Beyondshit we both had our DC at the party (who are unaware) and were taking them home. It wasn't my party just a general bank holiday street party.

Thanks for the replies, I've been quite upset about it but worried I was overreacting ☹️

Trust your instincts.

I wouldn't be impressed. It takes very little effort to make someone feel special.

Nah. That's crap and doesn't bode well.

Nope, no phone call, nothing at all until 4pm.
He was up and about in the morning and had been active on Facebook, and would have seen many people tagging me in happy birthday posts.

I've thought maybe he's just not somebody who bothers with birthdays, whereas I probably go out of my way to make people feel special on their birthday.

Makes it worse that my STBXH used to really spoil me and was the first to message me this year!

It doesn't sound like he wants to win your heart.

To me, that says a lot. I would end it now and find someone who does make an effort . Sorry OP

Ive been seeing someone for a similar length of time. It was his bday 3 weeks ago and I didn't get him a card or a present. It's early days.

It would have felt too presumptuous some how. I'm not exactly his girlfriend. And I wouldn't have known what to buy. I would have bought the meal / drinks had we been out to celebrate but he was busy for the few days around his bday.

It wasn't because I didn't care or wouldn't buy gifts in future.

I don't know what it means in this guys case but I wouldn't end it if the relationship is otherwise going really well.

I wouldn't have expected a card after only 3 months especially if your children aren't aware of your relationship.

It may have brought up questions if like my daughter they read all the cards out to everyone.

A text message or a call earlier in the day might have been nice

3 months in here, and I'd definitely expect something from my bf... And I'd be taking him out for dinner, card etc. But we spend about half a week together now so lots of contact

Yeah, even a basic bottle, chocolates, flowers would have been acceptable. Is he insecure? Does he actually seem like he likes you?? It's basic manners really. And if on his best behaviour trying to impress then he should have made a fuss of you.

I don’t buy cards any more, I thought they had gone out of fashion really. I don’t really know what to make of this one, you have only seen each other seven times, it wouldn’t really seem like a relationship to me.

Go with your gut OP.

He's definitely not going to put himself out.

A small gift, even flowers, bottle of something to mark it.

Nope, couldn't be bothered.

Listen to your gut.

I really don't know if he's insecure, he's been single for almost 5 years after his wife cheated on him twice. After that he's never let anyone get close again by his own admission.

He says he really likes me and when we went away with no kids around, he really did seem too. But upon reflection he hasn't exactly gone out of his way to arrange to see me or anything since we met.
Sadly I think I know the answer, I am absolutely gutted. We've text back and forth all day every day for 3 months and I really thought it would lead to something more.

It wouldn’t be the end for me. He took you on a weekend away. Some people just make a fuss with birthdays.perhaps just ask him?

I messaged him back last night to say I'd had a lovely day being spoilt by family and friends. Maybe that was a bit childish but I thought it got the point across. He replied that he was was glad I'd had a nice day.

@Trying20 I do think you're totally right, he wouldn't have intentionally hurt me and he is probably wondering what he's done as it's very obvious I'm not happy.

We were all actually at his place for the end of the street party when it turned midnight so maybe he thinks by hosting the end of the night at his was enough. He was knackered after preparing the place, sorting food and drink etc. I don't know, I think I'm grappling around for excuses for him.

If it was me in his situation I'd have at least brought a cake out at midnight, but like I said I do make a big deal of peoples birthdays.
I actually have a very close girlfriend who had wished me happy birthday on Facebook but not bothered to text me or anything, but I'm not annoyed with her! I know it's because he means a lot more to me than I must do to him and that makes me feel vulnerable and pathetic.

Its not unreasonable of you to think he should have made more of an effort. A call in the morning wishing you a happy birthday and a bunch of flowers would have been all you needed really