Is ending it via text ok?

Nursemammato3 · 2022-08-29T06:22:07+00:00

If he has an unpredictable side. I tried to end a relationship a few weeks ago as he turned nasty. He was very sorry and I continued contact out of guilt. I don't want to hurt anybody. Fast forward and 100's of messages since. We only ever message anyway. Never pick up the phone. I tried to end it yesterday but he has made me feel so guilty. We had arranged to meet today. However, over the last few weeks I haven't changed how I feel. Not only that I am actually scared. I posted here a few weeks ago and had some amazing replies. I should have listened and been firm but I didn't. I wanted to be kind. I thought I was being kind. Now here I am trying to end it still. He said I am kicking him when he is down. I'm not giving him chance to talk or explain. I'm being unfair ending it via text. I don't want to see him upset or a lengthy conversation when we have said so much via texting. It's always texting, we never pick up the phone. Again, I agreed to meet. I can't be firm. Now I have had no sleep because I don't want to meet him.

fedup078 · 29/08/2022 07:24

Will he not answer if you try to ring him?
I'm not sure what the back story is but if you're scared of him then you owe him nothing

LoveToWearADress · 29/08/2022 07:26

If he's unpredictable and abusive you can simply block him. Don't turn up. No explanation. If he scares you or threatens you, call the police.

I've had to do it. It was worth it and I was able to sleep again.

If you're concerned he'll escalate when you finish things, tell a neighbour or a friend. See if you can stay somewhere else for a night or two.

No one deserves to be treated like this.

PinkButtercups · 29/08/2022 07:27

If someone has turned nasty absolutely do not meet him. With all the violence in the world especially around women trust your gut and do not meet him.

You owe him nothing. He'll try and worm his way around because people like that do.

Just block him. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Poppyblush · 29/08/2022 07:29

Text to say it’s over and block.

Mosso · 29/08/2022 07:29

Send a final text saying it's over then just ignore any thing else he sends. After a day or so block him. If he threatens you, contact the police.

autienotnaughty · 29/08/2022 07:29

I remember your post. Yes end it by text. You have tried to end it face to face and got no where so text is fine. Then block him, he should not be emotionally blackmailing you to stay with him.

category12 · 29/08/2022 07:29

Yes, it's fine.

Text him "hi [bloke], i won't be meeting you today. It's over and as far as I'm concerned there's nothing further to discuss. I'm sorry for your distress but you need to accept our relationship is ended on your own. Your constant messaging is getting into the realms of harassment and if you don't desist, I will involve the police."

Then block the bugger.

KangarooKenny · 29/08/2022 07:29

Stop being kind, he is controlling the situation by not letting you end it.
Send a text saying that you won’t be meeting him, that it’s over, and that you don’t want any more communication. Then bar/delete his number and block him on all SM.
Move on.

Mumdiva99 · 29/08/2022 07:30

Text him you need to talk. Please cab he pick up the phone. If he doesn't then absolutely end it via text. But be very brief. "I'm sorry, I wanted to speak to you about this but as you won't answer the phone...This isn't working for me anymore. I don't want to see you again."

(....a relationship just conducted by text seems odd to me....maybe i am jist old fashioned. I wouldn't break up by text but then I would at least have a phone conversation and if he isn't letting you then you have no choice. By him not letting you choose to call him seems a bit controlling of him anyway.....all the more reason to get rid.)

Good luck - if he wants to discuss endlessly, just repeat first text a couple of times then block.

Original poster

Nursemammato3 · 29/08/2022 07:31

He once told me he has a side to him He never wants me to see. I saw a side to him that I hadn't before.
I felt guilty as he was sorry. Since this it's more than that. I see things that are a reason to end it but he says I'm seeing it the wrong way.

OP posts:

WeAreTheHeroes · 29/08/2022 07:32

If he knows your address then text him ending it and tell him not to contact you. Otherwise just don't turn up and block him. Being guilt tripped, i.e. manipulated, into staying in a relationship is no relationship. A person should add something to your life, you should be looking forward to seeing them not dreading it or scared of them.

LoveToWearADress · 29/08/2022 07:32

category12 · 29/08/2022 07:29

Yes, it's fine.

Text him "hi [bloke], i won't be meeting you today. It's over and as far as I'm concerned there's nothing further to discuss. I'm sorry for your distress but you need to accept our relationship is ended on your own. Your constant messaging is getting into the realms of harassment and if you don't desist, I will involve the police."

Then block the bugger.

This ^^

Campervangirl · 29/08/2022 07:33

Yep, you can end a relationship any way you want.
It's kinder to do it face to face but as he's unpredictable and you've already tried to end it I'd definitely text.
Try "sorry x but my feelings haven't changed, I won't be meeting you today"
Then block.
Some people play on your kindness to get what they want.
Will you be safe, is there a chance he'll turn up your home?
If he's the sort to do that let your friends and family know what's going on and don't open the door or let him in.
If he should persist call the police.
You're going have to firm, good luck and update us ❤️

LoveToWearADress · 29/08/2022 07:33

Nursemammato3 · 29/08/2022 07:31

He once told me he has a side to him He never wants me to see. I saw a side to him that I hadn't before.
I felt guilty as he was sorry. Since this it's more than that. I see things that are a reason to end it but he says I'm seeing it the wrong way.

If you are spiralling with this, see if you can talk to the police today. They were very helpful in my situation but I know it's not always the same in each region.

Trust your gut and stay away. Keep contact to a minimum.

girlmom21 · 29/08/2022 07:34

category12 · 29/08/2022 07:29

Yes, it's fine.

Text him "hi [bloke], i won't be meeting you today. It's over and as far as I'm concerned there's nothing further to discuss. I'm sorry for your distress but you need to accept our relationship is ended on your own. Your constant messaging is getting into the realms of harassment and if you don't desist, I will involve the police."

Then block the bugger.

Absolutely send this message

GroggyLegs · 29/08/2022 07:34

Not only that I am actually scared.

No. You do not have to meet someone who scares you, and who has been previously very unpleasant.

You don't owe him anything, you have no obligation to be nice or kind to anyone who doesn't show you the same respect.

I'd send one last text, something like:
Brian, I won't be meeting you today. It's pointless & I really don't want to.
Please don't get in contact again,
Nursemama.

And then block.
Does he live nearby?

Original poster

Nursemammato3 · 29/08/2022 07:51

I tried to end it but we ended up continuing contact. Lots of apologies and trying to be overly nice. I was very apprehensive and not sure what to do. I said it might be a time thing as what he had said was not nice. He was understanding. However, he must have sensed that I was distant so I got lots of messages telling me he is lost without me, he's bored, he's not sleeping or eating. He kept saying he was vulnerable. I tried to reassure. However, I just know its not going to work. For many reasons. I tried to explain in the message yesterday.
Not picked up the phone is a bit strange but we have always messaged.
I just know he's not going to be happy about this and I have seen his reactions from last time. Its probably me just over thinking and being too sensitive but I just know he won't listen to my reasoning and I will feel sorry for him.

OP posts:

Keepingthingsinteresting · 29/08/2022 07:54

Nursemammato3 · 29/08/2022 07:51

I tried to end it but we ended up continuing contact. Lots of apologies and trying to be overly nice. I was very apprehensive and not sure what to do. I said it might be a time thing as what he had said was not nice. He was understanding. However, he must have sensed that I was distant so I got lots of messages telling me he is lost without me, he's bored, he's not sleeping or eating. He kept saying he was vulnerable. I tried to reassure. However, I just know its not going to work. For many reasons. I tried to explain in the message yesterday.
Not picked up the phone is a bit strange but we have always messaged.
I just know he's not going to be happy about this and I have seen his reactions from last time. Its probably me just over thinking and being too sensitive but I just know he won't listen to my reasoning and I will feel sorry for him.

Pleas doesn’t be guilted into continuing OP, this relationship sounds unhealthy and is making you unhappy. You do not owe him anything and he is not your responsibility. I like PP’s suggestion of texting him that it’s over, that he needs to deal with this himself and not to contact you or you will consider it harassment.

Please be ready to call the police if you need to, people like him often don’t give up without some encouragement.

category12 · 29/08/2022 07:57

Think of it this way - dragging it out just makes it harder for him and gives him hope. It isn't actually being kind.

You know it won't work, you're actually a bit scared of him, you know he's capable of real nastiness - he's actually trying to wear you down and play on your sympathies.

Tell him one more time - no more relationship, no more contact - then stop responding to any messages or block him, and please do be prepared to call the police if he keeps going.

Catch21 · 29/08/2022 07:59

In the circumstances you describe it's fine to end it by text. Do it today OP.

Starship951 · 29/08/2022 08:04

You are not responsible for his wellbeing. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
You owe it to yourself to protect yourself and follow your instincts.
End it.

daisychain01 · 29/08/2022 08:20

You're actually being unkind to him.

you need to end it, because you're making matters worse by continuing a relationship you don't want. That isn't being kind to keep it going, so please stop kidding yourself and him, pull up your big girls pants and end it once and for all.

please seek counselling, you definitely need it.

daisychain01 · 29/08/2022 08:23

@category12 I've just noticed we've xposted - I 100% agree with you, it really isn't being kind, it's giving him some deluded sense of false hope.

autienotnaughty · 29/08/2022 09:20

daisychain01 · 29/08/2022 08:20

You're actually being unkind to him.

you need to end it, because you're making matters worse by continuing a relationship you don't want. That isn't being kind to keep it going, so please stop kidding yourself and him, pull up your big girls pants and end it once and for all.

please seek counselling, you definitely need it.

Did you read her first post?

YoSofi · 29/08/2022 09:25

You do not owe him anything. Stop thinking you have to be kind to men who treat you like shit.

”I won’t be meeting you today, the relationship is over and I do not want any further contact. If you continue to attempt to contact me I will involve the police”

Dont wait for a reply and get dragged into responding, send him and block immediately and if he does contact you again follow through and speak to the police.