Is ending it via text ok?

[Nursemammato3]

If he has an unpredictable side.
I tried to end a relationship a few weeks ago as he turned nasty. He was very sorry and I continued contact out of guilt. I don't want to hurt anybody.
Fast forward and 100's of messages since. We only ever message anyway. Never pick up the phone. I tried to end it yesterday but he has made me feel so guilty. We had arranged to meet today. However, over the last few weeks I haven't changed how I feel. Not only that I am actually scared.
I posted here a few weeks ago and had some amazing replies. I should have listened and been firm but I didn't. I wanted to be kind. I thought I was being kind. Now here I am trying to end it still.
He said I am kicking him when he is down. I'm not giving him chance to talk or explain. I'm being unfair ending it via text.
I don't want to see him upset or a lengthy conversation when we have said so much via texting. It's always texting, we never pick up the phone. Again, I agreed to meet. I can't be firm. Now I have had no sleep because I don't want to meet him.

So ... still ALL about him, & still 100% manipulation & power-play.

DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS MESSAGES.
BLOCK HIM NOW!

Much like the previous threads, you don’t appear to be taking in what’s being said to you here. I’m not sure what outcome you’d like. You don’t want to stop engaging, you don’t want to block him, you’re just going to keep doing this, then? How long for? What’s your plan?

Thing is, you don't want to get over it and he has lost you, so FGS stop messaging with him and block him.

He is now blocked.
I was really worried.
Just trying to keep it calm.
My last thread helped me and this one too. I have learned alot from both.
Thankyou

Well done OP.

Now carve out some time for YOU & your recovery.
Spend some time on the resources, do The Freedom Programme, & make sure you arrange a lot of fun with good friends. And be kind to yourself.

It's all about him, isn't it?
He is not your problem. His feelings are not your problem. Even when h'es sorry, he's still only talking about him and his feelings.
You are not being kind when you keep changing your mind, that is just going to prolong it.
Just tell him you won't be coming today, the relationship is over and then block him.

And just in case you need to know this, he doesn't have to agree that your relationship is over. If you think it's over, that's good enough. You don't have to persuade him that you are right.

What a load of dramatics (from him). Dramatics give me the ick. Hopefully you’ve got something you can go and do today OP. Get out the house, get your mind off it. Allow space for the relief of it being over to come in :)

If you've not met him before, I'm presuming he doesn't know your address?

They've met! This was a LTR, but PP have misconstrued -
We only ever message anyway. Never pick up the phone

as meaning they have only messaged - instead of they message rather than phone.

Yes it’s totally ok

“And just in case you need to know this, he doesn't have to agree that your relationship is over. If you think it's over, that's good enough. You don't have to persuade him that you are right.”

This with bells on. OP - please can you do some serious work on your shark cage before you do any more dating. Given the discussions you have entertained from him and the completely unnecessary guilt you have felt, you are currently way too vulnerable to predators.

www.jennisspace.com/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

Oh cheers @Dery I spotted your recommendation to the Shark Cage Metaphor upthread & could not find the link I wanted to post!

I like this one because it actually tells the anecdote in text, & is so clear & forthright.

Great. Keep him blocked

You are as responsible as he is for this farce continuing.

He's attempting to manipulate you and you're letting him. That's all there is to it. The only way to respond to someone breaking up with you is with dignity. Not by emotionally blackmailing them and telling them they're wrong.

You're entitled to break up with anyone for any reason. You do not owe him a relationship and he is not entitled to a relationship with you.

You're not being kind. You're being manipulated into doing something you don't want to do. He is not sad or vulnerable. He is being manipulative. Think abut it that way.

I had a boyfriend once who said very similar things when I broke up with him

"you are making a mistake" - for who?
"I put up with so much from you and you walk away from me for XYZ?!" - that was your choice and this is mine.
Etc, etc. I used to be a massive pushover and people pleaser and I'm still proud of how I dealt with that situation years later. That man was insensitive, misogynistic and immature among many other things but at the time I couldn't put my finger on exactly why he set my alarms off (he was on his best behaviour) and didn't want to be unkind or make him feel bad about himself so I just kept telling him "I just don't want to go out with you any more. Thats it I'm sorry" and when he didn't get what he wanted from the conversation he got a bit nasty which I was ready for so I said "see this is the reason. I'm looking for someone who doesn't have this side to them. Goodbye" and got up and left.

Keep repeating to yourself "I'm allowed to end a relationship for any reason whatsoever".

Good job OP. Think about it this way - why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is blaming you for their problems and "insecurities". Ick.

Keep him blocked and don't go back. (ps - his comments that if you go back to him he won't let you are designed to make you panic and go back to him now. At which point he will browbeat you endlessly about your behaviour. Don't fall for it).