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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's been a week and today I had this

59 replies

BrokenRainbow22 · 27/08/2022 01:48

He left me a week ago today. It still hurts like absolute crazy and I still can't understand why he would walk out so easily and not come back but I know shit happens, I've got to deal with it but today I received a letter in the post, well not me but our kids. It was posted yesterday special delivery guaranteed today by 1pm, it simply reads...

Child1&Child 2
Its daddy, hope you're being good daddy loves you and misses you very much. Enjoy yourself and have fun daddy's always watching over you sleep well love daddy xx

That is it nothing else, now I read that and I was angry at the b for walking out on his family but then after I had calmed down I started to worry and read a little bit too much into what he had wrote 'daddy's always watching over you'
Do you think this is a letter I should be worried about reading and his mental state isn't in the best place? Or have I over read it?

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 27/08/2022 01:51

Do you mean you're worried he may be contemplating suicide?

It reads very like something my twattish narcissist ex would have sent my two when they were young.

How old are the DC?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Original poster
BrokenRainbow22 · 27/08/2022 01:54

@JanglyBeads yes I'm really worried he might do something silly.
However he was also a narcissistic arsehole so maybe that's what he wants me to think.
They are 7&5

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenRainbow22 · 27/08/2022 02:01

I'm probably over thinking because I always do once the kids are asleep and its just me awake. I have no way of contacting him anyway to make sure he is ok, I will just keep my fingers crossed that my mind has gone into over drive.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 27/08/2022 02:01

Yeah sounds like my ex. Loves playing the victim and getting everyone running around after him.

Don't worry.

Original poster
BrokenRainbow22 · 27/08/2022 02:03

@JanglyBeads thank you I do think you're right somehow and this is a tactic of his. Thank you for taking time to reply to the thread

OP posts:
namechangeagaintwice · 27/08/2022 02:05

Suicide was my first thought. But it depends on the history, why he left, what's his mental health is like? Do any of his family know about him leaving? You could give someone the heads up to ease your mind.

Original poster
BrokenRainbow22 · 27/08/2022 02:13

@namechangeagaintwice he has taken an overdose twice a couple of years ago when we separated because we were just at each others throats constantly. I think he will have gone back to his mom's but I haven't spoken to her in a very long time for other reasons so no contact details for her. He only has a mom and sister really no other family to contact. I don't have a contact number for him as I didn't have a phone before he left I only just got one a couple of days ago

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 27/08/2022 02:14

Has he seen the DC since he left or put in place a contact plan?? To be it sounds like he intends to swan off and never see them again (and screw you over financially) but was having a mild attack of the guilts.

If he truly truly had the best interests of the DC at heart this is not the way to behave.
If you are worried about his mental state and you know where he is living, you can call the police and ask for a welfare check.

Original poster
BrokenRainbow22 · 27/08/2022 02:19

@Rainbowqueeen no he hasn't seen them at all, nor has he tried to see them at all.
I know his moms previous address but I do believe she's moved now so I'm not sure maybe the police would be a good bet actually maybe they could locate her new address and just put my mind at rest, I can't sleep even though I'm absolutely shattered

OP posts:
Sapphirensteel · 27/08/2022 02:29

Do you know if he’s been into work?

Mothership4two · 27/08/2022 02:36

Do you have any of his friends contact details?

FlowerArranger · 27/08/2022 02:54

it sounds like he intends to swan off and never see them again (and screw you over financially) but was having a mild attack of the guilts.

That was my immediate reaction. And that he is trying to mess with your head. Don't let him!

Have you consulted with a family lawyer? Do you have details of all financial stuff?

Worry more about yourself and not about him. He'll be looking out for #1 - and so should you!

Mothership4two · 27/08/2022 02:58

OP I have now read your previous post. Do you think this letter may possibly be manipulation? Obviously he knows you would have read the letter and he may know you well enough to know how you would react to it. Possibly he's using it to open the way for him to come back no questions asked? IE you would be so relieved he is OK that his previous unreasonable behaviour and his act of walking out on his family can be brushed under the carpet. It sounds as though you would have had him back anyway, but I really hope you don't for you and your children's sake.

I hope you are OK OP and this resolves itself in the best way for you all

Stopsnowing · 27/08/2022 04:56

The sleep well combined with always watching over you make me think of suicide.

YRGAM · 27/08/2022 05:23

I think if it were suicide the letter would be longer and would in some way look to blame you. I really hope I'm right

Mothership4two · 27/08/2022 05:24

I would urge posters to read OP's previous post He left me after 11 years before commenting sensitively as she has been suffering severe depression for the last year and a half and her ex is incredibly controlling/abusive

Mothership4two · 27/08/2022 05:26

I agree @YRGAM

Maymaymay · 27/08/2022 05:31

It's definitely worded to sound like a suicide note - but obviously without knowing your OH it's impossible to tell whether it's genuine or not. It is a tactic my lovely narcissist dad has used before to make my mum worry / gain back some control and get some pity after acting like a total dick. I also don't think someone who was going to commit suicide would go and send a suicide note by special delivery - it sounds like a way to make you worry.

Maymaymay · 27/08/2022 05:36

Mothership4two · 27/08/2022 05:24

I would urge posters to read OP's previous post He left me after 11 years before commenting sensitively as she has been suffering severe depression for the last year and a half and her ex is incredibly controlling/abusive

Oh my goodness it's this guy?! Yes he is trying to control you. Please, please put the letter in the bin and get some sleep.

Oldcottoneye · 27/08/2022 05:37

That's a threat, not a suicide note.

Oldcottoneye · 27/08/2022 05:38

I don't know the past story. I'll have a look now.

Oldcottoneye · 27/08/2022 05:40

Sorry, op is there a link to the previous post?
I would love to tell you to go to sleep, but I would feel irresponsible doing so without saying to ensure the doors are locked and actually to fucking move somewhere that he will never find you.

Mothership4two · 27/08/2022 05:47

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4616678-he-left-me-after-11-years?page=2

Fingers crossed I've managed to put the link in properly

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/08/2022 05:54

I’ve just read you other thread. The letter is very odd and there is a message in there for you. I am not sure if it’s a threat or if he just is making a big deal of ignoring your existence.

Have you thought about what is going to happen to your rent payments? Can you go and stay with family and get help to move or end your tenancy?

Pinkbonbon · 27/08/2022 07:53

I'd be having a look for hidden cameras tbh.

Because to me, the message is that he is watching you. That you're not free of him.

Change your passwords on any device or account he may have had access to. And Google how to look for hidden cameras.

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