It's been a week and today I had this

[BrokenRainbow22]

He left me a week ago today. It still hurts like absolute crazy and I still can't understand why he would walk out so easily and not come back but I know shit happens, I've got to deal with it but today I received a letter in the post, well not me but our kids. It was posted yesterday special delivery guaranteed today by 1pm, it simply reads...

Child1&Child 2
Its daddy, hope you're being good daddy loves you and misses you very much. Enjoy yourself and have fun daddy's always watching over you sleep well love daddy xx

That is it nothing else, now I read that and I was angry at the b for walking out on his family but then after I had calmed down I started to worry and read a little bit too much into what he had wrote 'daddy's always watching over you'
Do you think this is a letter I should be worried about reading and his mental state isn't in the best place? Or have I over read it?

I think it's intended to manipulate you.

Unfortunately abusive people sometimes use suicide threats or even attempts to get their targets back in line.

What you need to do is take a step back and understand that this is not your responsibility.

If he makes overt threats, obviously let the police know, but otherwise remember he wants you running around your head filled with nothing but him.

He wants your attention on him. He sounds incredibly manipulative. Don't show them that letter.

Ignore it. Do all the above suggestions . Password change. Look for hidden cameras.
My ex used to do this. Pretend to be broken and suicidal. It was all an act.
You are not responsible for his mental health and wellbeing.
Get legal advice with regard to separation, assets etc.
Don't give in to his mind games

First thing that occurred to me was that he's planted cameras.

Put it in the bin lovely, and concentrate on looking after yourself and the kids. Whether this is manipulative or a threat of suicide (actually the same thing in this case) there is nothing you can do about it given that you don’t know where he is…and although I know it’s hard - I have been in your situation myself - you are much, much better off without him; you can’t feel this yet, but you will. Courage xx

Keep the letter. If he keeps up with the Woe Is Me messages you(solicitor) can question whether he is safe to be around the dc whenever he gets round to demanding access. Which he will.. Enjoy the peace.
And your dc.

Is this a coded message? I.e he is literally watching them (and you) by having cameras in the house?

It's just more manipulation OP.

The letter isn't really for the children is it.

Agree with pp advising call the Police and ask for a welfare check. They are the appropriate people to deal with this and not you as you are no longer in a relationship with him.

By calling the Police you can mentally hand over any (misplaced) sense of responsibility for him and if he is just trying to mess with your head it will be a PITA for him to have the Police come round.

Didn't want to read and run.
Try very hard to just deal with the problems you have and not to borrow trouble.
Instead of thinking the letter is him maybe going to kill himself, see it as proof he is alive and kicking.
He has not called, instead of wondering what he is up to enjoy the tranquillity of your home.
Try seeing the plus parts of your life.
Saturday morning TV in PJs with the kids with toast jam and drinks .
Take your little wins and savour them.

It might be someone not quite in their right mind trying to reassure the kids since he’s left. It’s certainly a very odd note. Could be suicide.

It also occurred to me that there might be cameras. Check which devices are connected to your WiFi if you can - that would confirm one way or another. If not possible turn the WiFi off for a week if you can. If not practical turn it off as frequently and for as long as you can. Any cameras will most likely need wi fi to transmit. If it’s cameras this might bring him to make more sensible contact.

I have just read your previous post and I think it is even more important to call the Police. Controlling men are at their most dangerous when they feel they are losing control. The Police can not only check his welfare but also if there is any evidence he plans to harm you. Sorry to add to your worries and I hope I am completely barking up the wrong tree but better to be safe than sorry.

I would let his mum know what's happened and just continue on.

It sounds like you have much healing to do and you have a chance to begin now. Take back your power.

Sounds like all the abusive narcissists I know. It's the usual attention seeking BS. If it isn't, it is not your responsibility. If he really meant to kill himself he would do it without fanfare and daft notes to children. I would be furious with him.

@BrokenRainbow22

I can see how you would be concerned. I do feel that letter is worded very carefully. (I know a bit about suicide and I know a lot about manipulative people). I think it may be designed to worry you, but at the same time be absolutely deniable as being anything linked to suicide.

You know him, if you are genuinely concerned about his mental health then I would phone 111 maybe, and ask for a welfare check? I'm not sure what the procedure would be with regards to this.

Saying all that, my first thought when I read the note was that he was trying to project that he is "watching" in some way? Would that be something he is capable of suggesting?

Finally, in this mismatched, all over the place, post. Like I said I know a bit about suicide, and I know how scary it can be to consider. But you are limited in what you can do either way, he has left you. If you are concerned you can absolutely report those concerns. But, you need to work on continuing your detachment of the relationship. You have yourself and your children to consider and protect, and for me reading your post, that is mostly what concerns me. That this note will set you back.

I wouldn't bin anything. I would keep it as possible evidence in the future. Put it away somewhere safe with other evidence. I wouldn't show it to the children either.

Thank you for all of the responses your advice has been amazing. I've decided to keep the letter and ignore it, it is probably a tactic of his to make me think something terrible has happened when in reality he's probably driving past my cul de sac at various times in the day and that's the 'always watching you'

Without reading the other thread, I would say mission accomplished, just in case you might be doing ok, he is giving you a tug to let you know who is in charge. (in his head)

Stay strong.

I know on your other thread you said you have contacted family and friends. You are doing so well in a shocking situation. Keep talking to people in RL and on here.

I think you're 100% right. But in the wee small hours our brains don't behave as they ought to so no wonder you were up all night worrying. Thank god for the late night mumsnet crew!

I agree with everyone else about cameras and passwords though - have a good look around your house, do a security thing on your devices and change all your passwords.

Sounds like he's not going to bother actually showing up for his kids and parenting them or regularly being part of their lives - but wants to retain the mythical god like figure in their hearts and minds.
Lucky him!

Narcissist I'm guessing.

Good plan. You don't know what is going on in his head and the vagueness of intent in the note means you can just ignore it without feeling bad!

Which would be the opposite of his intention imo!

Has the letter succeeded in getting your full attention?

Bingo!

The only thing a narcissist can't stand is indifference on the part of his victim. He's been gone a week and has noticed that nobody is paying any attention to him. Hence a letter to make sure you are worried he will kill himself or that he's stalking you, while still playing devoted daddy.

If he kills himself then that's one less problem you have to deal with, to put it very bluntly. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

If there's any direct suicide threat you become aware of, call 999. If you become aware of any stalking or if he starts harassing or threatening you, keep all evidence of this and apply for a non molestation order.

Hello everybody, its been a very tough week this week without him here. I know what he is and I know I shouldn't love him but I do, I really miss him.

Not just me but our children are missing him like mad, my daughter has absolutely broke down this afternoon because she can't understand why her daddy sent her a letter but hasn't been to see her, hasn't spoken to her and she really misses him. Its breaking my heart I just don't know what to do 😢

It's bound to be painful and of course you love him, (and you are probably trauma-bonded to him if he's been abusive. You might find it helpful to have a look at some stuff about trauma-bonds). It must be very difficult when he's just buggered off and cut contact, especially when the children are upset and asking questions.

You just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and things will get better over time. And you need to find a bit of anger in you - to do this to your dc is cruel, how dare he?