I have lurked on this page for years and must have read hundreds of posts but never posted my own story…… until now
Im not sure why now is my time to post? Maybe to validate my decision? Maybe to just get it down how I’m feeling? Or maybe to just tell the same story that I have ready so many times before 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
This is a long one so buckle in…..
I met my DH when I was 15…. 22 years later we have 3 children with the eldest going off to uni this year.
If I’m honest with myself things haven’t been right for years but for the last 12 months it has felt like I’m on a conveyor belt at yo sushi!!!
We have a relationship that when it’s good it’s really good but when it’s bad it’s intolerable.
Over the last few years the bad times are frequently outweighing the good.
If I’m honest I think that over the years a huge amount of resentment has grown (probably mainly from my side) I
have always been very career driven and consider like working.
My husband hasnt ever settled in a job and mainly always worked for family, he was a stay at home dad (minus the mental load which I continued to do) when the kids were little as it was cheaper than childcare but when the children got older he just didn’t ever want to go back to the workplace.
We tried to accommodate this by purchasing a property that required renovation with the plan for him to renovate it whilst I worked.
Nearly a decade later we are still living in practically a building site, no ceilings, lack of heating, temporary kitchen etc
It has got to the point that every argument and row has become very tit for tat and our relationship seems to be a
constant scoring exercise…. Classic examples well you didnt wash up so I’m not doing this or you didn’t get up at 8am so I’m not doing anything until 8am etc.
I continue to work full time whilst he continues to just potter around with no structure to his day.
Whenever I ask why the house isn’t done the response I get is ‘well I’m not sitting on my arse all day’!He won’t make a plan, won’t tell me when it will be finished etc. whenever I raise the subject I’m just accused of moaning or complaining.
He does zero of the mental load, does about 40% of the house work and zero financial contribution to our household.
However expects his share of what is left after household bills each month to stash away. This is HIS money and never gets touched, I am routinely dipping into my share to pay for holidays, birthdays, things the kids need etc.
His days are spent pottering, evenings going out with mates and the gym.
I keep thinking is this what my life has come to? And is it unadir that I now just want out?
I have discussed separation with him and his response is that if I’m not happy just go,
I have discussed selling up, buying something that is done and him getting a job…. His response is that you will just find something else to moan about.
I just feel lost…. I have spent my entire adult life with him but am really not happy…..I know I must go but a part of me is just worried of the unknown.
I’m sorry to ramble on and not really sure what I’m expecting from posting this.
I just feel so lost.