Hi, apologies for the incoming download of shit but things are getting out of hand and I need to get this off my chest without the judgement and ‘told you so’s from friends and family. Things are getting so out of hand and I really don’t know what to do…
We have two children (6yo girl and 14 mo boy) and have been together nearly 11 years. The arguments started when our LG was born, mostly around money - I’m shit with it, have no savings etc so can forgive him for these early ones. However, since finding out we were pregnant again he became even more argumentative and hurtful, calling me names and screaming at me infront of our LG, like every week he’d flip because I didn’t answer his question quick enough, or I didn’t remind her to tidy the playroom.
When it came to it, I went into an elective C section with our LB on my own because he didn’t want to go in (I’m pretty sure there’s some post-natal PTSD after our daughter, he just refuses to get help).
He set up his own business 3 years ago and works 24/7 with zero help (not through lack of me trying). He’s an all or nothing man, very ambitious and has to be the best at whatever he sets his mind to. I had a full time job that I loved prior to having our son, and I was made redundant during Mat Leave - he stated that we were financially sound and that there was no pressure to find another job, so we agreed that I’d stay home and raise our family.
Now that my income is zero, the arguments are really severe - as soon as he comes down in the morning it starts. Repetitive name calling to include ‘you’re a selfish b%}h’, ‘you lazy c^t’, ‘you’re a cancer in my life’, ‘f#%k off out of my life’ etc. Each roasting like this will last on average 2 hours and the language is unbearable. Infront of our babies. I walk away from him to make it stop, but it makes him angrier. Sometimes I bite back which I hate myself for, but what am I supposed to do?? He has shaken me twice in the last 4 weeks, gets really up close to my face, grabs my face to force me to look at him, pokes me and pushes me. Arguments are mostly focused on money, and how I never organise anything for the family to do together on his days off, I don’t make him feel loved, I never think of planning nice stuff to do just us… which is true. I don’t do those things because in the past he’s always found an excuse not to go! So many cancelled dinner plans, cinema trips, lunch dates, family days out… he doesn’t seem to comprehend that when he puts me down like he does I have zero will to make him feel ‘special’ 🤦🏻♀️ After these rantings we’ve always moved on from them eventually, not mentioning the previous row.
Anyway, today he hit a peak during his daily dose of verbal abuse and told me to leave for my own good - I make him so angry he can no longer control himself and he will likely kill me next time. I wouldn’t say I’m scared, just numb to everything he says if that makes sense? Almost like I don’t believe him.
My family & friends know nothing of what’s going on. I have no money or savings. I have no job. I have two babies whom I love dearly - my heart knows I need to take them away from this, but my head tells me to stay - he’s super tired, stressed, over worked, lonely and all the other excuses/justifications I tell myself. I just don’t know where to go or what to do. Help please! Xx