Phone thrown on motorway

[Hparker21]

My DP and I were driving from one city to another today with our baby in the back. He doesn’t drive so I was driving. He was supposed to be navigating but didn’t tell me when to turn so I missed the exit. Id specifically asked him to use my google maps because he kept screwing up directions on his Apple Maps but he’d turned the volume down so it didn’t speak. He said ‘there’s a roundabout coming up in 5 minutes or so’ but then it was apparently a turn off to the left almost immediately which I missed. He said something angry to which I responded ‘but you said it was a roundabout’ and pulled into a lay by. He lost his temper and yelled at me then threw my phone at the floor. It’s smashed now.

I got us back on the right road and drove on, shaking and trying not to cry. About ten miles on he said ‘I’m sorry I lost my temper’ Were at our hotel now and I basically left him with the baby and bolted.

We’ve both got a temper and he’s raised his voice to me before but never anything like this. I am distraught and don’t know what to do. We’ve got two days here in a city I’ve always wanted to visit before we go home and I don’t even want to be in the same room as him.

I wouldn't want to be with him now op.
Does he usually have such a bad temper?

I doubt the baby should be with him either.

Breaking your stuff is abuse. And it's a step toward physical abuse.

What do you want to do?

Did you actually read the OP?

It’s a massive red flag that he broke your phone when he got angry. I’d suggest some time apart. Is there anywhere he can stay for a few days while you have some space to think things through?

Don't let go of your instincts on this. It's not right and if you stay it will get worse. He will try to persuade you otherwise.

I don’t blame you wanting to be near him, breaking your phone was completely unnecessary.

What are you planning to do now?

Are you and your baby safe now . What are you messaging on here with ? His phone ?
☺

I'd get another room, preferably in a different hotel, or drive home without him.

How are you messaging on here? With his phone?

I’m on my phone, the screen is totally cracked. I’m in the bar having a cup of tea and trying to work out what to do. I’ve absolutely no concerns about the baby being with him, he adores her. I know this is a red flag but we’ve been together for years and nothing like this has ever happened. I love him very much and we have been trying to set a date for our wedding. I am so shaken I can’t decide anything except the baby needs feeding and bathing which I need to go and do. The more I think about it I don’t see how we can get past this unless he completely admits to how unacceptable this behaviour is and acknowledged how much it has frightened and distressed me.

Stay with your instincts. And really well done for getting yourself away from him and getting space.

you don’t need to make any decisions right now other than keeping yourself and your baby safe.

The separate room in same or different hotel is a good suggestion. I know you must feel very upset and probably want everything to be ok but it isn’t. Have you got a sister or good friend you can call?

I think you need to be away from him for a day or two then be very clear with him about this being a deal breaker. He either needs to do something big or sign up for anger management like yesterday or it’s game over.

And you are not ruining the break, he did that.

There are no roundabouts or laybys on the motorway. What actually happened?

There was another thread recently along the lines of something similar. I'll try and find the link.

DH threw my phone at the wall www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4577393-dh-threw-my-phone-at-the-wall?msgid=-4577393#-4577393

Kindly, you’re dramatising a bit here.

He didn’t throw your phone on the motorway. He threw your phone on the floor of the car when you were parked in a lay-by.
It’s not broken, the screen is cracked.

You had a falling out when driving/navigating. That is a flashpoint for lots of couples. He was violent towards your phone, not you. He apologised.

I’m not saying it’s to be swept under the carpet, and damaging inanimate objects is a well-known red flag for men with the potential to be violent towards women, but there are also a lot of men who would not hit you because they once got angry with a phone on a journey.

You have down the right thing getting the hell out of the room to take a breath. But only you know whether this is a pattern of behaviour.

And on a practical note, non-drivers are generally shit navigators. They can’t judge how much notice you need for manoeuvres and they use the wrong vocabulary. In future just get a dashboard cradle and put the phone on it, and listen to it yourself.

For me, that oversteps the boundary. We all get pissed off over stuff and I think most of us can admit we've said things we regret before.

But I can hand on heart say I have never thrown my partner's belongings or anything in a rage and neither has he.

For me, it crosses over from annoyed (which everyone is entitled to be from time to time) to aggressive (which isn't acceptable).

I would write down the time and details on my phone of what happened so he couldn't 'forget' it later. I would then probably give him one more chance, if he's never done this kind of thing before. One more time, it's over.

I would make sure he buys you an all singing and dancing phone now though.

As a side note, why can't he drive? I personally think all adults especially parents should know how to drive. It's a big turn off to need lifts all the time.

Kindly, a cracked screen needs replacing. So it is broken.

Never realised there were so many men with kids who don't drive ! Sorry I know that misses the point totally but there have been a few threads about men not driving. That in itself would drive me mad (unless medical reasons )

It’s still working as a communication device. The implication was that he had broken it out of spite to isolate her.

It really is impossible to tell whether this is a violent and controlling man starting to show his true colours, or an emotional screaming match between two over-tired and stressed parents that ended up with one person doing something incredibly stupid which they regretted and apologised.

Has anything like this ever happened before?

I do think there is some catastrophising going on. As a PP said, you were safely parked.

I think the biggest worry is that you say "we've both got a temper". Is that something you think he would be prepared to work on with you?

No, not deliberately. But he hurled it at the floor so that might well have happened. I was pulling into a layby on a smart motorway so wasn’t parked.

We are indeed both tired. But had the tables been turned there’s no circumstance in which I could see myself throwing his phone in a fit of temper. When I say we both have a temper, we both have strong opinions and disagree sometimes-but sometimes he shouts and can say really nasty things. I don’t shout and will go silent rather than say something I might regret.

Where did she say he's trying to isolate her?

The baby is asleep and we’ve talked briefly. He admitted that his behaviour was appalling and very upsetting, as has his behaviour towards me in general recently. He says that he understands it’s not ok and has a problem. He’s going to get some talking therapy.
Thank you all for listening and for your kind words when I needed them. Women are awesome.

Perhaps look up “imply” in the dictionary.