This women is obsessed with me and my life ! I'm terrified.

[prettyflipflops]

NC
I'm absolutely boiling over with rage and emotion right now!
My ex husband had an affair with OW and we consequently divorced. OW is from a very poor part of the world and was keen to meet a western man (yes, one of those stories and yes, she did immediately get pregnant and yes, she wanted to be very involved in our financial resolution after 28 years of marriage...).
Anyway for the last 5 years, she was been living a very nice life with my ex and has lived all over the world. During that time, she has been completely obsessed with me despite her seemingly having won the jackpot. She's cyber bullied me, sent vile emails, rung me, superimposed photos of me onto pigs etc and generally broke me so much that my hair dropped out and I was very ill for a long time. The abuse was horrific. She apparently is never settled or happy and they have moved from New Zealand to Paris, to the US and then to the UK (about 2 hours away from me).
My 3 kids are adults and ex husband has had very little to do with them over the last few years and they pretty much just see him as a distant uncle.
NOW... I hear they are moving less than 2 miles down my road !!! EX has told one of our kids that it's 'to see them more' which i know is complete and utter rubbish.
My issue is that I'm well known in this area and work very hard in my job which has earnt me a good reputation and I'm terrified that she is going to try and fuck up the life I've spent so hard to rebuild for myself and the kids.
I cannot help feeling really creeped out by this news and a little scared.
What would you do?

First of all, breathe. Stay calm. Get a grip of the situation.

You know that OW is going to cause you problems for sure. She probably instigated husband to move near you. No sane OW would want to live so close to husband's ex.

So now you need to take control of the situation, knowing that OW will come after you.

1. Talk to your superior at work. Inform them about your situation. Show them the email messages etc. Tell them that you are afraid that she will come and cause trouble. Then they will be prepared to deal with her, and when she shows up, your colleagues and security already know what the situation is. You don't waste precious time telling them the back story. They will alert you if she comes snooping.

.2. tell some of your neighbours about the situation.When crazy OW comes to your house and go nuts, they will know what is happening and can call the police and be witnesses to whats happening. Again, they will know back story.

.3. Go to the police and tell them you are reaally really scared. Print everything out and give it to them.Although they can do nothing, the important thing is that you get some kind of report number, and they have the information. Again, if something happens, you can call the police and quote your report number, and they will know.

.4. Ask to see the community police officer and talk to them, and also ask for police to come to your place and check out if it is secure e.g. places people can break in and enter. This shows how scared you are, and you are.

1. Is there a community free legal advice place you can go to get advice ?

I know people say get a restraining order but that involves time and cost.

First, line up all your ducks in a row....... and carry a personal alarm. If she approaches you in the supermarket or your home then just press the screeching alarm. It should scare her off if she is really wacko ....

I think she is delusional and thinks that she is the wife and you were the OW stopping her from behind with your ex.

YOU CONTROL THE NARRATIVE BEFORE OW ARRIVES......

Which country is OW from ???

Exh has an affair, I found out and we split. OW started Facebook stalking me, possibly she was doing it before I found out about the affair. Asked ex to have a word he claimed it was nothing to do with him and not his problem. OW then started sending friends requests to my DD and other family members she was completely unhinged. I was furious when she started posting pictures and videos of my DD that she had taken and tagging her knowing I'd see them. It wasn't enough she broke up my marriage itvwas like she needed to twist the knife as well. Exh admitted he knew what she was up too but said it was initially because she wanted to just see my picture but became obsessed (she's considerably older then me and frankly no oil painting) I warned exh she was nuts but he ignored me. Eventually he dumped her for being too demanding but she carried on with the weird behaviour tagging him on Facebook in photos etc to make it look like they were still together all really childish behaviour.

My theory is this sort of behaviour is guilt and insecurity these types know what they've done. They've broken up a home and they are terrified that the DH is going to return to his family so they become obsessed with the EW or partner. Trying to cause as much conflict as they can. Luckily my ex has managed to shake off the OW now and she leaves me and my family well alone I hope it works out for you OP

I’m not surprised this has upset you so much. As others have said forearmed is forewarned. Tell everyone in advance; keep it factual and unemotional (hard as that will be) with the background, but let them know you are scared of what she could do, not just to you but to their business. To add to the list I would tell people such as your hairdresser, doctor surgery, clubs or hobby groups. Explain this is not a case of you saying please don’t allow prettyflipflops’s ex husband’s new wife to register or join because you don’t like her, explain your concern that their reputation could also be damaged by this unhinged person. If she chose to be spiteful or vengeful.
Definitely tell the back story before she arrives.

I’ve watched the lengths a nutter similar to this, will go to.
Get a ring doorbell, cctv and a restraining order of some kind,

Jeez....what a weirdo.

Can you get an injunction taken out?

If you report everything to the police they can if necessary get a civil injunction on your behalf - and it won’t cost you anything but you will need a lot of evidence and if she hasn’t done anything recent they may not do anything until she starts harassing you

you can do it yourself for free you have to download the forms ( just Google how to apply for a civil injunction ) but you will need a lot of evidence
you can ask for it to be no contact of any type so not using social media letters phone / text or other people to contact you

but getting distance like 100 meters is harder to get

or you can get a solicitor to do it for you but it can cost around 2k - when I was looking into this a few years ago

The person who was harassing me was convicted in the crown court so was given a restraining order by the crown court under the 1997 harassment act so a lot easier and free 😂

The women is from the Philippines (someone asked above). Much younger than myself and ex.
Lots of what people are saying about her being a sociopath is ringing true. As others have mentioned about facebook, she uses this the whole time to post odd things. She knows I have looked at her open page before and for past court cases with ex, this has proved fruitful for evidence.
Now help me work this out.... ex tells our kids he is broke. Cannot possibly help with x,y or z. A week later, OW posts videos of them abroad on holiday. Within 4 days she takes them down. A month later, Ex lies about where he has been to our kids (says phone wasn't working) and within days, OW posts yet more videos of them in yet ANOTHER country on holiday. THen.... takes them down after 4 days.
I get that she is trying to piss me off and it's my fault for looking, but what I don't get is why she'd do that to the EX, knowing it would cause issues? Or is that her main goal?

Bloody hell, she sounds absolutely batshit!!!
Like others have said, I'd get the police involved now. Good luck!

Document and back document it all. Tell the police. Get a restraining order and tell your ex she stops all this.

I would also make your line manager aware.

She sounds unhinged and clearly sees you as a threat.

You are fortunately out of this. I imagine its horrific at that house.

She causes issues for your ex with the facebook nonsense which then translates into attention for her. She sounds really immature.

She does it because she's batshit, your dh doesn't do anything about it and pleads poverty because it's likely he's being abused by this woman and he's more than aware of his behaviour, but is being abused into spending money on holidays rather than his family.

Tbh I think you need to stop trying to make sense of her action, as they don't make sense at all. Protect yourself.

As a pp said, speak to friends and family, let your employees know and report her behaviour to the police, get on the front foot if you can.

Living the same story with my ex and his GF who was also the OW. He doesn't believe she's doing it and even the police sigh when I call to log another incident. I hope you're ok. I know how upsetting it is.

I'd get a restraining order !!!

I'm glad you are phoning the police. Make sure you tell then everything and show them messages etc. If you are fearful if violence make sure you tell them this too.

I am from one of the not poor Asian countries. I can tell you that she will sweet talk your ex all the time, and she will play the victim. She will have him wrapped around her finger, and she won't let him go because your ex will be supporting not just her, but her extended family, cousins, aunts etc. and building all their houses in the villages.

She is keeping tabs on you because although you and your ex are divorced, you are forever connected to your ex till the day you die via your children...and so you are a threat. A threat that he may go back to you , also your children are a threat to her until she makes sure that she gets every penny from him or the inheritance.
She will not let him go. You have to understand her mentality. She is some bar girl who got her claws in your ex and she will not let go. He is her meal ticket for her and her family, village etc. She will lie through her teeth to him. She will instigate an encounter with you, lie through her teeth, get your ex to take her side, and then cause some big scene where your ex cuts off your children from his life, and financially. Then, she will move away....lying is her natural state.

As I said, control the narrative...get your ducks in a row..This person is coming to you NOT with love. She has an agenda. We can only try to guess what it is...best to be forewarned, forearmed.

@strawberrymelon88 - you are exactly right. She was a bar girl.

Report everything.
If she'd on a visa and breaking the law then she needs to be very careful when she has to renew the visa. Hopefully that might put things into perspective for her.

May it be a good idea to start a rumour that you are moving away?

I don't think your ex and his new wife moving back will ruin your reputation - I remember a similar case near me where the second wife was nuts and everyone just felt massively sorry for the first wife.

@prettyflipflops this is similar to what the complete loon my exh got involved with would do. I'm convinced she did it to cause as much conflict as possible, making it impossible for any of you to have a relationship. The OW sent my exh a birthday card to our home with a long message on it about how wonderful he was in her eyes etc. It was meant for me to see I'm sure. Obviously we parted once i knew and then she would post things on FB and make it very clear on days my exh was seeing DD she was there (against my wishes) and would make sure she posted videos and make comments and then post and tags exh so I knew she had been there. She had a good nose through my fb on anything that wasn't locked down and would like pictures and comments! Just to let me know she had been on there (now blocked) but what astounded me more than anything was exh distancing himself from her behaviour and trying to make it my problem! I told him his relationship is his problem not mine, he needed to tell her to stop or i would and I wouldn't be nice about it.

She did stop the Facebook stalking but then DD told me he'd dumped her for being the bunny boiler that she was (so was it worth it EXH?) But she continued to tag him in things on FB and word it so it appeared she had been on nights out parties etc when friends and family confirmed she hadn't, one by one they removed her from their lives as they were finding her behavior uncomfortable.

I do feel angry still, she broke my marriage up, harassed me and helped to destroy any civil behaviour exh and I had hung onto following the divorce (Obviously he's as responsible for that as her). I had the last laugh though he's currently single living in a pokey flat probably still hiding from the bunny boiler.

Similiat scenario happened in my family years ago. Are they actually married and does she have a right to live here and use the NHS for the birth? Might be worth checking out if you can. If they are marrued I think they have to be married two years before she can get full legal status but things may have changed.

@Tara336 - so sorry to hear that. Facebook seems to be a blessing and a curse. THis nutter we deal with posted photos of a woman in a wedding dress for all to see and pretended it was her. In fact, she and ex apparently got married through an embassy abroad for visa reasons as she'd had the baby by then. No photos of the really event were ever put on facebook and she still states that she 'got married' on facebook whilst I was still married the the ex!
The same thing happened with fake baby scans !
As previous posters have stated, ex husband is no doubt paying for her family and village and he's totally trapped. Judging by the sudden decline in his appearance and love of alcohol things are not as rosy as she dreamt they would be.

Did 101 get back to you op? Definitely need some sort of injunction to stop her coming near you.

@prettyflipflops the woman my exh became involved with was also not from UK however I believe had already had one marriage with a British man (after a friend did some digging) under her belt. Exh admitted she was a little obsessed with me as I am considerably younger then her and more attractive (I know that sounds mean but people were shocked when they saw her) but it was the fact he felt I should deal with it rather then him telling her to leave me alone that shocked me. I think she must have some sort of MH condition as her behaviour was not what the average person would consider ok. I dont know if exh was scared to tell her to back off or just didn't care how it was affecting me, although he didn't seem to have trouble telling her it was over when he had enough of her although I was given the impression she didnt go quietly. I didn't really need to warn anyone of her behaviour as it was clear to people from the start that things were not quite right so I wouldn't worry too much about that, just if it came up I'd say "oh her again" then explain the situation. I do tend to be the type to not worry until something has happened so maybe that helped in my situation somewhat, but there some good sound advice on here so weigh it up and work out which works best for you and your situation.