Why would my mother choose to reach this conclusion?

[Ffordecortana]

She’s 70s, I’m 50s, split from my husband 2 years ago, and have a new relationship. My husband was controlling and financially and emotionally abusive. He didn’t hit me. I was ground down and hardly went out, was v depressed and anxious, piled on weight and looked dreadful.

By contrast I am very happy, the healthiest I’ve been and look about 15 years younger. Escape from my marriage was really hard, my husband was and still is a manipulative arse and the kids were caught in the middle. Throughout this my mother took his side, I felt, and we had some big arguments about it. I felt she was disloyal. She thought she wasn’t.

Ahyway, latest bust up which I fear is the final straw, is that she told me that the reason she was supportive of my husband is because she felt I was trying to manipulate him into leaving, by making myself deliberately unattractive and being a “slovenly” wife. And that I am so much happier and improved now because I have decided that I can be attractive again and “must be on stronger medication”.

I said this was patently nonsense, I was on huge doses of antidepressants when I was married and am now off them! And I look better because I’m happier. She won’t have it, and is choosing to believe that everything was orchestrated by me and my husband wouldn’t have been so difficult (and a problem drinker and a financial arse) if I had kept myself nice and been a better wife.

What could she possibly gain by taking such a position?

@J0y What she means is that if I hadn't decided to get married and, I quote, 'made your father feel old' (he was 42) he wouldn't have gone off and had yet another affair. She totally blames me for her marriage ending, she's said it many times in the nearly 33 years since it happen...last time she said it was only 6 months or so ago.

I then made things worse by not staying married. Even though the main reason I got married was because I'd been told that if I lived with my then boyfriend of 3 years I'd be disowned...(good Catholic girls don't live with men).

I forgot to add that she's also a total hypocrite - I found out (a week after my wedding) that she was 3 months pregnant with my older brother when she married my father. She met him in the January, was pregnant by the October, they married on the 31st December (had to get married, she was Catholic). She'd also lied to my father that she couldn't have children...and he'd lied to her about his age, he was 5 years younger than her...he was only 18 when they met. 19 when they wed, he turned 20 the day after my brother was born.

Wow, well that makes no sense to an emotionally healthy person. But to a person who can blame blame blame it makes sense. She is like those people who drop a cup and then blame somebody else for not drying it properly.