Ex coming to house for contact

[FlyingSaucerss]

Does anyone else’s ex have contact by coming to your house to see the children? If so does it work? How? Do you stay or go elsewhere? Does it feel like you are still in a relationship? Just looking for others people’s experiences of this set up

Don't do it! The onus is on him to find a place to spend time with them.

I know why people are saying don’t do it and I get it I really don’t want to but I can’t see how else I can get a break, I’m with my kids 24/7 and sorry it is hard, I don’t have family help, if this gives me a few hours to myself then is it that terrible? We did this before and it didn’t work no as I felt like we was still together (he would act like we was) so I put a stop to it and insisted he took them out this fizzled out as he couldn’t be bothered but I’m now at a point where I really need some time to myself. Unless anyone else can think of another suggestion as I’m out of ideas he won’t take them out, he has no family to take them to honestly this is a last resort.

You need firm boundaries here. He has contact on x days and not at your house. If he chooses not to that's on him.

Personally I'd take him our of the equation. Could you pay for a babysitter say once a fortnight? Or perhaps have an arrangement with another mum where you have her kids once in a while and they return the favour?

Don’t do it.

He will spend that time in your house quoting monologues on how you need to get back together, fart out your sofa, watch your tv and basically do everything BUT interact with the kids. Also if your there to do everything, there’s no reason for him to.

Arrange a day and time and drop the kids off and collect promptly.

Oh trust me he doesn’t want to get back together! He broke up with me 😏 I can’t swap baby sitting favours with anyone I have 4 kids everyone else I know has 1 and their exes are all involved so they don’t need help and they wouldn’t have my 4 vs their 1 as it’s not really a fair swap and very few people are in a position to have 4 extra kids.

I understand how you feel OP, I have 3 children and feel I can't ever ask friends o babysit as it feels like too big an inconvenience for people. I understand how hard it is when you never get a break.

Thank you at least someone understands, I’m sure the posters who are having a go at me either have 1 child, an ex that has contact or supportive family, I have none, I have 4 children, friends don’t have 4 children they just don’t, no one is having 4 children so I’m never without my children, that’s not realistic to ask anyone to have neither mind any new friends I was to make it’s a complete piss take and most people simply aren’t in the position to look after 4 extra kids on top of their own, realistically without family help (I have family but they just won’t help) the only option is their father, no one unless they are in the situation will know how hard it is to raise 4 children alone and never get a break, the 6 weeks are relentless quite honestly and I’m exhausted and at the end of my tether, as much as I don’t want him in my house I feel like I’m being more of a martyr by not allowing it and doing it all on my own.

Just to be clear I feel like I’m cutting my nose of to spite my face, he would have them if he could have them at my house I put a stop to it as that’s what was happening before during lock down (I allowed it at first as nothing was open due to lock down) when I had enough of it I insisted he took them out I thought I was putting my foot down and not putting up with his nonsense but I’m the one who loses out you can’t force someone to do something so if it gives me a few hours to myself then so be it, it’s easy to sit there and say don’t let him but no one is in my situation never getting a break no one else is offering to have them.

if you’re that convinced it’s the right choice for you then do it. No one else know the full context. Sometimes you have to choose the lesser of two bad options.

I’d just try to have strict boundaries around it and be prepared for issues that might crop up and how you might manage them.

The thing is I can't see how you are going to get a few hours to yourself if he is just going to be there under your feet anyway... you are the kids default carer - it is you they are going to seek out if they need something anyway.

If you need to do it get door locks for all your bedrooms so that he can only access the kitchen toilet and living room. You know you are going to end up feeding him as well as them too if he won't leave the house so plan for that too. Tbh if you can afford it I'd look for a babysitter for a couple of hours each weekend - plenty of students about usually especially during holidays. Much less hassle and work...

How old are they

He usually orders him and the kids takeaways, I would go out anywhere tbh even a cafe just to get away, the children are 11 10 8 and 5