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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don't think he likes me...

70 replies

anonymous123457 · 17/08/2022 22:38

Went on a first date Saturday before last, with someone I met via a Dating App.

We had a great evening, chat was flowing and what I thought would be a 2 hour meet ended up being 3-4 hours. Lots of things in common, chatted about all sort of things.

He messaged me afterwards as I gave him my phone number and we would chat back and forth every evening, no body starting the conversation, it would just pick up where it left the night previous. After the date he said he couldn't believe how much we'd chatted that evening. He suggested meeting again and asked when I was free. I told him my day off, which he told me he couldn't do as he had an event he should attend. I only have one day off this week and working a lot at the moment so suggested next week and he said he was happy to wait.

Conversation came to an end Sunday just gone as I went to bed, and since then its been tumbleweeds. I thought if he was liking me, he would have been in touch by now? Its now Wednesday evening, and I thought he might have asked how work is going or something. Just to check in.

I would like to meet him again but this is putting me off as I don't want to be hurt by a man not showing interest. I also don't want to push something if it isn't there for him/hes not attracted. It just feels unusual as normally if a man has been into me, he shows me by checking in, even during the initial early dating stage?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Allelbowsandtoes · 19/08/2022 19:49

What did his last message say?

Bunnyfuller · 19/08/2022 20:03

Waiting till you’re free….and you say nothing?!

Sugaspunsista · 19/08/2022 20:12

I wonder if he is sat on a website saying he liked you but it's been radio silence from you since his last message that was unanswered....

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 20:15

Text him
He sent the last text -just text him

Cas112 · 19/08/2022 21:05

Have you messaged him at any point? Have you made the effort to plan the next date? It's a two way street

Original poster
anonymous123457 · 19/08/2022 22:09

I feel like if a man liked you, he would pursue you. The last message from him was just 'banter'. I don't think I needed to respond as it was late at night.

But I thought he might text me again in the week.

He is still watching my social media stories but hasn't reached out.

OP posts:
Grumpusaurus · 19/08/2022 22:38

Good grief! You haven't responded and it was 'your turn' to message!

Fidgety31 · 20/08/2022 09:33

You sound like hard work . I think he’s had a lucky escape!

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 20/08/2022 09:36

Fidgety31 · 20/08/2022 09:33

You sound like hard work . I think he’s had a lucky escape!

That's harsh! One date and one post on Mumsnet and you're writing off the OP!

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 20/08/2022 09:58

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 20/08/2022 09:36

That's harsh! One date and one post on Mumsnet and you're writing off the OP!

Show quote history

I think that’s because she told him she wouldn’t be free foranother date till next week, but then hasn’t answered his last message, in which he said he was happy to wait till she was free. So basically he’s waiting to hear, and she’s refusing to answer.

Original poster
anonymous123457 · 20/08/2022 12:55

That wasn't the last message (him waiting for me to tell him when I'm free.)
I guess the last message wasn't really important, it was just conversation but nothing about a 2nd date, that had been a few days before.

Anyway, the context is, I went away for work this week and thats why i couldnt meet him. He knew I went away and was busy, but could still have sent a text asking how i was doing, to show a bit of interest right?

Still no message from him now, so its safe to say the date is off. Even if he did suddenly send me a message, this wishy washy feeling i get from him isnt what i want in a man.

OP posts:
gethesuitcasefromthevan · 20/08/2022 14:38

He could be saying your wishy washy too.
Why is it all on him?
Just send him a text

Ilovelurchers · 20/08/2022 14:49

I don't mean to be horrible, but this is so silly! You like him but haven't replied to his message. Yet the fact that he hasn't double texted you you are taking to mean he doesn't like you!

What would you say to someone else in this position?

Poor bloke is probably wondering what he did wrong. Lots of fellas I know would never double text a woman as they would worry it would come across as stalkerish and pressurising..... (It wouldn't bother me personally if someone did - but quite a few men I know have this attitude).

Seriously.

99redballoonsgobyy · 20/08/2022 14:58

why does everything always have to be down to the man to do all the chasing, like another poster said he may not want to come across as too stalkerish and pushy men have to be careful these days incase they are accused of stalking behaviour etc. I actually think you are not all that interested in him to be honest as if you were you'd have messaged him back. you do sound bloody hard work as another poster had already said.

TomAllenWife · 20/08/2022 15:02

You sound utterly bonkers

Hopefully he's running for the hills as we speak

MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit · 20/08/2022 15:09

anonymous123457 · 19/08/2022 17:55

I don't think I agree. If a man is into a woman, they wouldn't let it just fade off like this. They would at least perhaps send a message to see how things are going mid week. Any other guy in the past who has like me has made it clear they like me by messaging. I never chase someone who likes me.

You are right OP many women on here push for each other to make a move but when a man wants you he will move heaven and earth to make sure nobody takes his spot x

PurpleSproutingSomething · 20/08/2022 15:10

Why is it all on the blokes? If they're interested they will text?
Why can't a woman message if she's interested?

He was the last one to message, I'd expect the next one to come from you.

Theredjellybean · 20/08/2022 15:13

You are mad OP....he messaged you last , you were having a nice exchange of banter type txts and you never carried it on the next day..you have ghosted him for a week nearly and you are the ONE complaining.
bloody hell think you sound very high maintenance
why on earth should he have texted to 'check in' with you ..after all did you 'check in ' with him ? did you reach out and ask him how his week was going etc ?

Musicaltheatremum · 20/08/2022 15:15

My husband used to hate when women did this. He would be keen, send messages then nothing back and he'd wonder where he had gone wrong. It works both ways.

MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit · 20/08/2022 15:16

PurpleSproutingSomething · 20/08/2022 15:10

Why is it all on the blokes? If they're interested they will text?
Why can't a woman message if she's interested?

He was the last one to message, I'd expect the next one to come from you.

Because. It just is. A man chasing a woman is seductive, attractive and exciting. A woman chasing a man - is desperate. People can bang on about equality all they want, some things will always be traditional. Pile on me all you want 👍

MamaH22 · 20/08/2022 15:22

If he wanted to he would OP. Silence speaks volumes. I'd just move on. So sorry! Xxx

merryhouse · 20/08/2022 15:27

anonymous123457 · 19/08/2022 17:55

I don't think I agree. If a man is into a woman, they wouldn't let it just fade off like this. They would at least perhaps send a message to see how things are going mid week. Any other guy in the past who has like me has made it clear they like me by messaging. I never chase someone who likes me.

And how many of these men have you gone on to have long-term lasting relationships with?

Honestly, I think people talking about How Women Should Behave When Dating should be obliged to declare their relationship history. No point all of you perennially single people egging each other on to arbitrary Rules.

(My own history: married 30 years. I made all the moves. I made the moves on my previous boyfriend too; and I've never been dumped.)

Ilovelurchers · 20/08/2022 16:59

MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit · 20/08/2022 15:09

You are right OP many women on here push for each other to make a move but when a man wants you he will move heaven and earth to make sure nobody takes his spot x

Show quote history

And when I want a man I am the same! And I've had several LTRs and am very rarely single......

I don't think there are gender rules here either way. If you like someone - let them know. Not by stalking and harassing them - but replying to a message is hardly that.

I am sure the man here must think OP has ghosted him. Because she has ghosted him.....

Jenhen89 · 20/08/2022 17:39

JUST MESSAGE HIM!!

Ilovelurchers · 20/08/2022 18:29

I think OP's ghosted us.....