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Original poster

I don't think he likes me...

70 replies

anonymous123457 · 17/08/2022 22:38

Went on a first date Saturday before last, with someone I met via a Dating App.

We had a great evening, chat was flowing and what I thought would be a 2 hour meet ended up being 3-4 hours. Lots of things in common, chatted about all sort of things.

He messaged me afterwards as I gave him my phone number and we would chat back and forth every evening, no body starting the conversation, it would just pick up where it left the night previous. After the date he said he couldn't believe how much we'd chatted that evening. He suggested meeting again and asked when I was free. I told him my day off, which he told me he couldn't do as he had an event he should attend. I only have one day off this week and working a lot at the moment so suggested next week and he said he was happy to wait.

Conversation came to an end Sunday just gone as I went to bed, and since then its been tumbleweeds. I thought if he was liking me, he would have been in touch by now? Its now Wednesday evening, and I thought he might have asked how work is going or something. Just to check in.

I would like to meet him again but this is putting me off as I don't want to be hurt by a man not showing interest. I also don't want to push something if it isn't there for him/hes not attracted. It just feels unusual as normally if a man has been into me, he shows me by checking in, even during the initial early dating stage?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
emerald7 · 17/08/2022 22:42

Have you contacted him? Maybe he is busy. If you don't get a response after that then you will know if he is interested or not.

Daydreamscometrue · 17/08/2022 22:45

This has happened to me at least twice after what appeared to be successful dates. I've gotten in touch only to be given the brush off which I'd already suspected due to the radio silence. Agree with the above poster. If you message then you'll know but in the future I won't be chasing.

Debston6 · 17/08/2022 22:48

I agree . Send a light friendly text. If you hear from him great if not at least you're not wasting anymore time thinking about it .

toucaninjapan · 17/08/2022 22:51

Reading your post, I couldn't help but remember wonderful "Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Highly recommended, it helped me a lot.
And yes, unfortunately it doesn't look like he's too interested/ invested. I'd step back and see what his next move will be. I wouldn't bother sending him a message as these earlier days set the whole dynamics for the relationship (if it's meant to happen) and I wouldn't want to act or feel like I'm more desperate to be together than him.

Original poster
anonymous123457 · 17/08/2022 23:20

Its just feeling a bit of a red flag for me :( If he gets in touch now I still won't feel its genuine

OP posts:
ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 17/08/2022 23:22

Debston6 · 17/08/2022 22:48

I agree . Send a light friendly text. If you hear from him great if not at least you're not wasting anymore time thinking about it .

I agree.

Macbeth8 · 17/08/2022 23:27

What do you know about him?
He is not someone who is working away is he? My friend has discovered her bf of 6 years was using dating apps whilst away. She found all the messages via thr dating app which presented himself as single, meeting for drinks etc. Wonder if that day he suggested was his only free day and therefore has stopped contact as he knows it will be harder to meet.

shivermetimbers77 · 17/08/2022 23:29

Sounds to me like he liked you, as the signs were positive after the date, but I wonder if he may have met someone else on a date at the weekend and may now be keen on them?

mondaytosunday · 17/08/2022 23:39

You got over invested too quick.
However, I met my husband through a dating agency (not online) and we had a lovely first date. When we said good night he said he had a busy week. I didn't hear from him at all for that week (this was before mobile phones were that common, so no texts). Anyway he did eventually and lucky for both of us I hadn't written him off as we were married a year later. But it's true - part of his 'busy' week was meeting other women the dating agency had set up (I was the first). But none were of interest.
I think there's no harm saying 'hi there sorry been swamped but I've checked my diary and have next Thursday free if you'd like to meet up'. Then you'll have your answer but still your dignity.

Macbeth8 · 17/08/2022 23:43

mondaytosunday · 17/08/2022 23:39

You got over invested too quick.
However, I met my husband through a dating agency (not online) and we had a lovely first date. When we said good night he said he had a busy week. I didn't hear from him at all for that week (this was before mobile phones were that common, so no texts). Anyway he did eventually and lucky for both of us I hadn't written him off as we were married a year later. But it's true - part of his 'busy' week was meeting other women the dating agency had set up (I was the first). But none were of interest.
I think there's no harm saying 'hi there sorry been swamped but I've checked my diary and have next Thursday free if you'd like to meet up'. Then you'll have your answer but still your dignity.

I agree with your advice here but just to point out like you said times are different. Because back then there werent any mobiles, it was much more common and accepted not to hear anything after a date until the next one has been arranged.
But come on TBF, how many seconds does it take just to type a message to someone? I can see why the op is worried .
Its like the memes you see on social media. Corny but true- if a guy likes you he will show it. If a guy wants to see you again, he will make it happen.

Mamapep · 17/08/2022 23:44

This is just what online dating is like. You’re strangers to each other, both with lots of dating options .. at literally your fingertips.
Don’t overthink it.

Courtjobby · 18/08/2022 00:10

I also think he did really like you but possibly met irl another person from OL and has now connected with them . No harm sending a light message

Monty27 · 18/08/2022 00:20

You need to be lucky or have rhinoceros skin to do online dating.
Friendly message him and if he doesn't respond in a day or two look for your next date. Simples.
Perseverance is probably the way to go.
Good luck 🤞

Annoyedwithmyself · 18/08/2022 00:26

Did you text last and how many messages unanswered? If no, or just one then no harm sending something light confirming your day off even if only to draw a line under things if he doesn't reply. If you've already sent a few to no reply then I would assume he has lost interest and move on. It could be that the chat has lost a bit of momentum because you can't meet for while, or he has lost interest. Unfortunately it is possible to have great date and lots to chat about and this not to translate into anything further. It's important not to get over invested so early. I learnt that the hard way.

AussieAussieAussie · 18/08/2022 02:50

I second reading the Rules.

Original poster
anonymous123457 · 19/08/2022 12:05

Been nearly a week now of no reaching out from him but I have spotted him online. I think the writing is on the wall. Looking back at messages, he did seem really interested. The last message was sent from him but it was the end of Sunday evening and there wasn't a response needed from me.

Still I think if someone like you, youre left questioning it. I guess the second date we spoke about is off.

OP posts:
Ihaveroyallyscrewedup · 19/08/2022 13:42

He sent the last message, you haven’t replied, I imagine he thinks you aren’t interested, I don’t understand why you haven’t just messaged him.

layladomino · 19/08/2022 13:54

Why are you being so passive? Why do you expect him to do all the running? As you said, he sent the last message, so if anyone has stopped the messaging it's you.

But really, you each have 50% responsibility to keep this going if you want it to. If you think him not getting in touch means he isn't interested, then he can say the same about you. It sounds like neither of you is that interested. Or you both want the other to do more running. OR you both think the other might not be interested and so are waiting for them to make the first contact.

If you think this could be a good r'ship, take some control.

You shouldn't expect the man to do all the running. It's an old fashioned concept and paints you as the hopeless princess waiting to be rescued, letting the man decide on where things go from here. It's 2022, and women are in control of their own destinies. If they like someone, they can invite them on a date as much as men can. if you want equality in your relationships, you have to make sure it's there from the start.

Original poster
anonymous123457 · 19/08/2022 17:55

I don't think I agree. If a man is into a woman, they wouldn't let it just fade off like this. They would at least perhaps send a message to see how things are going mid week. Any other guy in the past who has like me has made it clear they like me by messaging. I never chase someone who likes me.

OP posts:
supercali77 · 19/08/2022 18:20

Re modern day dating. Its not about being passive - not sending a text. Its that, so many men will be semi disinterested but if you text them, they'll reply. Meet you. They'll happily waste your time that way.

it was easier for me to just pay attention to keeness and consistency and delete any man's number that isnt consistently in touch.

Also, its less about whether its the right level of contact, it clearly isn't right for YOU. So remember what you want

Original poster
anonymous123457 · 19/08/2022 18:49

@supercali77 Agreed

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 19/08/2022 18:58

So, you basically ghosted him? 😂

Merlott · 19/08/2022 19:31

So he asked you to meet up, you suggested a day, he said he couldn't do that day, and then...? Did he not suggest an alternative day? Did you not either?

Very weird to just give up, would make more sense to set a date?

Bunnyfuller · 19/08/2022 19:34

Sounds like he thinks YOU’RE not interested, and doesn’t want to bug you. Say hello ffs!

Original poster
anonymous123457 · 19/08/2022 19:42

@Merlott Yeah, I told him when I was next free but we didn't set a date as such he just said he was happy to wait till I was free. And then a week of silence. Ha.

OP posts: