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Original poster

He's lying about new gf right?

92 replies

Cwytch · 17/08/2022 16:27

Long term lurker and regular name changer if I ever do post

Been in a ldr for 4 years, for various reasons it's not possible to live closer together at this point. Got to know each other just as he was relocating from our mutual city. We talk every day and see each other every 4-6 weeks, sometimes longer depending on schedules.

A few things over the months seemed
a bit odd.

He bought a 4 bed house moving from his city centre place to the suburbs, didn't say a word about it until the day before he was moving.

He started new business, I knew he wanted to, we talked about it. He launched it, didn't say a word about it until I saw it on insta.

His first follower was Anna, he followed her, and also with his private account. She is friends with a few of his friends.

I looked at her insta page, it's open not private. 1 photo of them together, taken 2 days ago. Only one post, just that, which he liked from business page

He sent me photos of something
on desk was letter when I zoom in it's her name at his address

I asked him direct, are you seeing someone, someone you are living with? He was quite cross, are you serious, Then forget it. That was yesterday. Nothing since.

I know they weren't together when we got together, but they are now right?

Other info, we live hundreds of miles apart, I travel a lot for work. We are late 30's she looks same age. I know I sound about 15

So now, I'm thinking maybe I'm wrong? Maybe they aren't? Should I make contact first? Maybe I hurt his feelings? Or maybe I'm an idiot.

I'm feeling a bit sad, so please don't be too robust

OP posts:
ladamanera · 18/08/2022 17:56

She could be a lodger… but, unlikely. Probably I’d call him again and say you are coming to stay to see him (make up a reason, you don’t have to go)- leave the dates open ended- his reaction to that should tell you a lot. At the end of that conversation when he has stewed in his panic, ask who Anna is?
that should make him explode or put phone down. If guilty. If he stays silent just say that you’re disappointed in him, and he knows where you are if he wants to explain.
then consider him dumped and move on

but tbh the fact he doesn’t involve you in buying a huge house means he’s putting roots down elsewhere and this LDR is going nowhere regardless of Anna - I agree with PPs about how draining a LDR is esp if they are getting in with their lives in a way that doesn’t include you
whats the point?

BestMammyEver · 18/08/2022 18:02

This reply has been deleted

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category12 · 18/08/2022 18:11

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He has the opportunity - he only has to message her or ring her up. But he hasn't even tried to contact her since their conversation.

category12 · 18/08/2022 18:14

Cwytch · 18/08/2022 15:46

I think if I hadn't asked him everything would still be ok, I feel like I ruined everything. But what was wrong with asking for clarity

No OP, you'd just be pulling yourself apart instead. Yes, he'd still be in contact, but he'd be continuing to live a double life - it's not better to be his side-piece while he lives with someone else and you pretend you don't know about it.

You're in a lot of pain now, but it's good that you twigged.

shinynewapple22 · 18/08/2022 18:25

I think he has a different view of your relationship than you do. What you see as a full relationship, albeit long distance, he sees more as FWB. I think the fact that he moved house and started a new business without involving you in his plans from the start (just in terms of general chat about what he is doing) says volumes . Discovering about Anna maybe what has made you question him - but I think alarm bells have been going a lot longer than this .

It's a difficult realisation when you have invested 4 years of your life - but even without his infidelity, I'm not sure where your relationship was heading .

Original poster
Cwytch · 18/08/2022 18:32

category12 · 18/08/2022 18:11

He has the opportunity - he only has to message her or ring her up. But he hasn't even tried to contact her since their conversation.

Show quote history

This really sums it up, he doesn't want to have the conversation. I think I'll message him, something song the lines of, for whatever reason my question annoyed you and that clearly you don't want to talk to me again

Or maybe I'll just leave it

I'm just sad and don't know

OP posts:
Original poster
Cwytch · 18/08/2022 18:35

category12 · 18/08/2022 18:14

No OP, you'd just be pulling yourself apart instead. Yes, he'd still be in contact, but he'd be continuing to live a double life - it's not better to be his side-piece while he lives with someone else and you pretend you don't know about it.

You're in a lot of pain now, but it's good that you twigged.

Show quote history

Yes, this is true

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused0 · 18/08/2022 18:38

I am so sorry you are going through this
How did you meet him initally OP?

Original poster
Cwytch · 18/08/2022 18:39

shinynewapple22 · 18/08/2022 18:25

I think he has a different view of your relationship than you do. What you see as a full relationship, albeit long distance, he sees more as FWB. I think the fact that he moved house and started a new business without involving you in his plans from the start (just in terms of general chat about what he is doing) says volumes . Discovering about Anna maybe what has made you question him - but I think alarm bells have been going a lot longer than this .

It's a difficult realisation when you have invested 4 years of your life - but even without his infidelity, I'm not sure where your relationship was heading .

It is good point about the house and everything.

You are probably right about alarm bells before, that I ignored

4 years, what a waste

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 18/08/2022 18:39

I’d just leave it

BestMammyEver · 18/08/2022 18:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Dazedandconfused0 · 18/08/2022 18:43

I would just leave it too

Original poster
Cwytch · 18/08/2022 18:55

Dazedandconfused0 · 18/08/2022 18:38

I am so sorry you are going through this
How did you meet him initally OP?

At various social events, weddings etc, mutual friends

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 18/08/2022 18:57

After 4 years. What a dickhead.

I'd defo hold him to account for this. Tell him you want an explanation and honesty, otherwise you'll have no choice but to contact Anna.

strawberry2017 · 18/08/2022 18:58

Has he given you the address of the new house? Would you normal stay with him when you see him x

stnoa · 18/08/2022 19:01

I don't think I could just leave it tbh and let him get away with this. I'd be absolutely livid.....maybe that will come

Kione · 18/08/2022 19:01

Did you mention Anna? If not, you said they have blocked you on her account?

He is with her, you caught him, and is scared that you will tell her.

Also buying a house and open a business and didn't tell you?? Sorry that's not by any chance normal in a relationship.

So so sorry but you are better without him. Not a wasted 4 years, I am sure you have learnt things to apply in your next relationship.

I also think Anna deserves to know if you can still reach her.

Original poster
Cwytch · 18/08/2022 19:10

strawberry2017 · 18/08/2022 18:58

Has he given you the address of the new house? Would you normal stay with him when you see him x

Yes I know the address, I stayed there with him in his first couple of months there, but my place is in a more of a busy city for restaurants etc, so we stay at my place usually

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 18/08/2022 19:10

You are being very passive about the whole thing OP, this man mislead, betrayed and now he’s lying to you and you’re shrugging your shoulders and going “oh well..”.
Which is just what he wants, for you to disappear and fade quietly no explanation on his part. FFS This is 4 years of your life! you should be angry.

do women a favour and message Anna.

WatieKatie · 18/08/2022 19:11

I’d message him ‘I feel like I’ve upset you & that’s the last thing I want. I’ll come up to stay with you this weekend and we can talk things through’

Then await the panicked reply.

Sandra1984 · 18/08/2022 19:14

WatieKatie · 18/08/2022 19:11

I’d message him ‘I feel like I’ve upset you & that’s the last thing I want. I’ll come up to stay with you this weekend and we can talk things through’

Then await the panicked reply.

No panic reply, most probably “Sorry I have painters/plumbers and this weekend is very inconvenient”

litterbird · 18/08/2022 19:39

Just wondering if this Anna is a business partner and the business is based at the new address? What was the photo of with them together? Was it linked to the new business or was it a 'we are in a relationship' photo? LDRs are notoriously difficult to navigate and after 4 years without any forward movement on both of your parts, a move for him and a new business without your input makes me believe that you were someone at arms length to him. Some relationships have a time limit and perhaps this is where your time is now over. I am sure you feel it was a waste of 4 years but try and look at it as 4 years of a good time, you may have learnt something from it and now its time for you to find someone that isn't miles away so you can indulge in a good, solid relationship.

Original poster
Cwytch · 18/08/2022 20:09

litterbird · 18/08/2022 19:39

Just wondering if this Anna is a business partner and the business is based at the new address? What was the photo of with them together? Was it linked to the new business or was it a 'we are in a relationship' photo? LDRs are notoriously difficult to navigate and after 4 years without any forward movement on both of your parts, a move for him and a new business without your input makes me believe that you were someone at arms length to him. Some relationships have a time limit and perhaps this is where your time is now over. I am sure you feel it was a waste of 4 years but try and look at it as 4 years of a good time, you may have learnt something from it and now its time for you to find someone that isn't miles away so you can indulge in a good, solid relationship.

I've been wondering the same, maybe business person but the photo was of them at a wedding, not a business thing

OP posts:
litterbird · 18/08/2022 20:11

.....and you weren't invited to the wedding with him? Sorry OP this all sounds very weird. I hope you get to the bottom of this just so you can move on and settle this whole thing.

Original poster
Cwytch · 18/08/2022 20:18

It is weird.

I'm going to give a call now to clarify say goodbye whatever, anyway everything is over. I know this

OP posts: