Anyone else single at 38 and go on to have a family?

[Panicsingle]

I’m newly single and massively panicking about my future. I have always wanted a partner and a small family. Do I have time? Is 2-3 years enough to meet someone and have a baby? I did a fertility tests with a clinic which says all good. I’d love to hear from other people who were in my situation. Thank you.

Sorry but the fertility "dropping off a cliff" thing has been completely discredited.

That's not say it's a piece of cake conceiving after 40 or whatever, but fertility decline is a gradual process. There's no cliff edge involved.

It has happened when people I know - i know a few couples who met late 30s who have basically made the call they're not going to spend too long 'seeing how it goes', and starting a family/getting married within two years of meeting. And I think that's totally fair because at this stage of life you'll probably be settled in who you are, career etc, so it's not like couples who meet at uni and might want to see how their careers and loves change over their 20s before they commit.

I met my husband at 39, married at 41 and had my baby at 42. It's a true love marriage too and I'm just so glad I waited for the right one to come along. We didn't meet on the internet either so good to get yourself out there. I have a number of friends with similar stories. All of us happy and with children.

I hope you meet someone and get the life you want with them.
Most of my friends who where single in their late 30's have either met someone through a dating site, ended up with someone they've known for years or are still single and seem happy staying that way! One of my cousins didn't want to wait around for a man after many failed relationships and had a baby through a sperm donor, she's managed brilliantly and really happy just her and her DC.

It depends if you want your pregnancy with your own egg, I would do egg freezing or use donor sperm and create embryos now while you are dating so you have that choice . I think a lot of people who say I got pregnant at 42+ are probably using egg donors. If you aren't bothered about your own egg leave it.

Yes, a friend met her partner at 40 and now has a 6 mo old baby, partner and 3 houses/ flats at 42.

I got divorced at 32, no kids and went through a series of $&&$&÷*×!. I figured my time had been done and I wouldn't have kids. I'd resigned but reconciled with this.

Then I turn 40, met someone and we are having a baby at Christmas, buying a house and looking to get engaged.

You genuinely can't tell!

I met my partner when I was 38 and a half. Started TTC 6 months ago at 40. Sadly it hasn't worked yet. Still keeping some hope but I'm not expecting it to work.

I was single throughout my 30s and at 40, met dp aged 40 and tried for a baby a year later, fell pregnant immediately and had twins a few days after turning 42 . It can happen .

I know Mumsnet general consensus is the opposite, but I know ALOT of women who fell pregnant naturally at 40+, one had her first DC at 46!

I also know A LOT of women who have struggled to conceive in late 30s and 40s. Just hop over to the infertility board of MN and you'll see plenty of women who are struggling, also some due to age alone and unexplained infertility. There is simply no way of predicting you own individual outcome based on other people's experiences.

What on earth is an Astro turf relationship?

and what is the relevance of my husband’s age?

@anthurium @pounchill
I was accused of giving strange advice for suggesting the OP put herself out there,go and do hobbies, go out with friends to coffee shops etc by someone who thinks sperm donation is the only and first option. Of course there la nothing wrong with sperm donation that's not the issue here, but suggesting to the OP who's obviously already stressed and worried that meeting someone naturally is 'strange' advice that is really uncomfortable

Astro turf relationship is the one that sprouts up quickly.

Just whether he was just as determined to make something of the relationship, due to age. If he was younger z he may not have needed to speed things up that quickly.

Friend met someone online at 40, pregnant at 41, baby at 42. She made it very obvious in online dating profile what she wanted - "looking for someone to settle down with and start a family" - so no wasting their time or hers. They got married before the baby was born and baby is now 16.

Another friend has had 2 children at 38 and 40 alone, via sperm donor.

A ridiculous phrase then, as Astro turf doesn’t sprout at all! 🤭

Sorry! Wrong quote

Happened to my friend, yes. Met at 39, baby at 41. Their son is 18 months and they are super happy.

Oh for goodness sake. Plenty of people meet someone in their late 30's without it being an "Astro turf" relationship - what a ridiculous phrase.

It's actually quite insulting all this implication that women over 35 are so desperate they'll settle for anyone without due diligence, as it were. As I said in my pp you are actually far better equipped emotionally at that age to know what you want out of a relationship, what your boundaries are, and far more likely to have the confidence to articulate that to man, than when you are in your 20's for example.

But a lot of them are desperate otherwise why would you accelerate a relationship that quickly, or even why bother dating at all.

Not necessarily, you may still not be good at "relationships" or you may continue to date unsuitable people.

In your 20s you don't need to articulate much, your youth and fertility speak for themselves and you have a lot of time to waste.

Many women DO settle in their Kate 30s of course wouldn't admit that to anyone as they'd like us to believe that fairytales come true if you wait for the "right" one.

And even if you do meet someone, it doesn't mean it will last, it can just as easily disintegrate as your previous relationships but the only difference being you managed to get children out of it so have something more substantial.

Not necessarily, you may still not be good at "relationships" or you may continue to date unsuitable people.

In your 20s you don't need to articulate much, your youth and fertility speak for themselves and you have a lot of time to waste.

These points contradict one another. The nature of life is that for most people they will emotionally mature and get better at navigating all relationships, and get better at articulating their needs as they age.

"the nature of life" what are you talking about?
People are all very different and some do not necessarily mature or get better at navigating their emotional loves. They go from one bad relationship to another. Plenty of threads on here to demonstrate my point. The point about youth is that it is a desirable commodity, highly valued by society and to large degree men.

Almost...

Met someone when I was 37. Married whilst still 37. First baby born at 38, second just before my 40th birthday, and 3rd is due when I'll be 42.

Right now I'm feeling absolutely dreadful (pregnancy symptoms!), but I have such a happy life. Exactly what I'd dreamed of and thought I'd missed out on. I'd just started to implement plans relying on staying single (including moving abroad) when I met my husband.

I hope things work out happily for you too, OP.